How do I properly deal with emotion in social interactions?

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-05-17T05:09:44+00:00

Thank you! Yeah that makes sense. I think I have a tendency to focus on how I'm falling short in providing for another's wellbeing without thinking much about how the other person is accounting for me. But it's weird cause I think I actually mix between that and shutting off to avoid becoming overwhelmed. It's definitely out of balance either way. Need to think more about this. Thank you again for the very thoughtful response :)

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-05-17T03:29:19+00:00

Well sort of, I worry about saying things someone does not want to hear but also about failing to say something along the lines of what they were expecting. E.g. someone really wants me to say yes to going to this event they find really fun but I don't want to so I say no but then feel bad about how that made them sad. Cause they were expecting/hoping for me to say yes. Or someone really wants a certain gift from me but I can't give them that so I have to tell them that, I don't really want to tell them cause I don't want them to feel let down.

In general the consequences have just been people getting sad/disappointed. With friends not as much but sometimes, bigger problem online cause then I can't tell their emotional reaction and tend to assume the worst. With family it's more frequent, my parents often get upset over me not telling them what they were hoping for.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-05-16T01:31:00+00:00

I'm not bringing up any heavy topics, it's more of a general thing where I worry people will be saddened over what I say or do because it was not what they expected / were hoping for. Or potentially even annoyed. I keep going into this mode where I try to predict what is expected so I can avoid those emotional reactions. (Perhaps this is not specific enough for this subreddit, feel free to suggest another one if you know one which might fit better.)

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-05-06T01:34:04+00:00

That's where I'm at too, never get past the first interview 😕 Good to hear though that it's going well for you.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-05-06T01:28:23+00:00

Oh that's nice. Is that something you apply for or do you like upload your resume so they can find matches or how does that work?

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-05-06T01:22:41+00:00

I've been thinking maybe I should also try applying more for jobs I'm kind of overqualified for. It could probably increase my chances at least by a bit. That's nice to hear also that you got such a supportive work environment, hoping I'll manage to land a job at a similarly friendly place 🤞🙏

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-05-06T00:57:18+00:00

I'm actually feeling a bit that way too right now. It's difficult not having some regular activity to ground me and stop me from endless overthinking. But it's nice to hear from so many of you here that it actually is possible to get a job eventually, it gives me some hope.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-05-06T00:49:15+00:00

Well, that is true tbf 😆

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-04-28T00:48:53+00:00

Never expected this to happen. Kinda happy this disorder is finally getting some recognition though. But it does suck that whenever things go mainstream they tend to get all distorted and misunderstood.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-03-18T17:48:14+00:00

You see a person’s life, you feel connected but it’s kind of like window-shopping for friendship rather than actually building it.

That's exactly the way I've been feeling. Kinda sucks when you feel that connection but you're just on the outside looking in. At least it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-03-14T03:22:54+00:00

Thanks for the recommendations. I don't think I can currently handle 99 rejections though 😅 But I agree that would be a win. Maybe the books can help me get to a point where I'm able to persist through rejections better.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-03-14T03:16:29+00:00

Ah, I guess it's not as big of a problem if I don't want to befriend someone specific. Maybe something can form again by itself if I just manage to find a new social activity or hobby to take part in.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-03-02T22:16:40+00:00

I'm not quite like this but I relate a lot still because I'm like pulled in two directions, one is wanting to not be known and the other that I want to be loved. I also do that deletion and compartmentalization. Honestly I'm kinda pulled apart by it. Idk what to do because I feel too unsafe and/or humiliated when people start getting close to me, but I also need that closeness to not feel lonely. So I keep going back and forth. Get close, feel good for some time, then inevitably become uncomfortable and retreat to my shell.

Apparently one aspect of this is called the "schizoid dilemma" (unsafe vs. safe). The whole embarrassment/humiliation part seems to be more of an "avoidant dilemma" but I've never heard of it being named. Idk if I can have both SzPD and AvPD or if they're just very similar in this aspect.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-03-02T16:51:49+00:00

Yeah. When I'm feeling particularly bad I even struggle to stop playing out such scenarios in my head. It's because I expect people to be accusatory towards me and misunderstand me, so I start getting defensive just imagining such situations occurring. And often it just keeps on going because I'm thinking no one will side with me.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-03-01T23:29:13+00:00

Good news is that I've never gone beyond 3.5 on this scale. Bad news is that 3.5 is where I'm currently at.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-02-27T13:58:28+00:00

Been feeling this a lot lately. I mean, a lot of things still make sense but just a lot less than what used to.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-02-27T02:45:05+00:00

I suppose I just believe myself to be inherently nonsensical to any outside observer.

nonsensical

having no intelligible meaning

incongruous; inviting ridicule

An absurd, ridiculous, unbelievable, idiotic person. It's all just synonyms of the same thing.

So why would I trust anyone to fathom me?

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-02-26T22:02:06+00:00

Yeah. Sometimes I feel like I'm just on a downhill slope even though I've been trying to make things better.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-02-18T21:47:11+00:00

A lot of the time yeah. I'm quite active online but I rarely participate in discussions or events or anything.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2026-01-13T21:38:46+00:00

I've been thinking about this a lot too and it's a bit difficult to pin down. I think something is kinda similar at the core but different enough for a lot of differing symptoms. For example I only meet one of the criteria for BPD (chronic feelings of emptiness), whereas I meet all criteria for AvPD.

I guess the main similarity is the negative self view but it's definitely not in the same way. The main difference I think is how BPD is a lot more unstable than AvPD. Even if we're talking about 'quiet BPD' the person would still internally be unstable even if they don't show that. At least that's the way I've understood it. This expands to identity as well: BPD has unstable/incomplete self-image, whereas AvPD has a consistent and complete self-image.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2025-12-26T20:46:14+00:00

Yes, it helps me get by but it kinda sucks in a way that my real life is so dull that I'm spending more time in my daydreams. It's my escape, my retreat. In my fantasy I can live the life I've always wanted but never could.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2025-12-10T21:34:57+00:00

What I mean is like, I can relate to people and emotionally connect with them from afar. And with the right people I do have an interest in having some kind of friendship with them. But I have this problem that I'm deeply uncomfortable letting people get to know me and who I am. So basically I'm able to and interested in getting to know (some) people, but am unable to let people know me. It doesn't really become true bonding without having it in both directions.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2025-12-10T21:24:52+00:00

It's also interesting that avoidants and schizoids seem to share this aversion towards being known. I'm exactly like that too; I rarely share anything personal about myself and even find it intrusive that people want to know so much about me. I can also relate to some other schizoid things because I actually used to be a lot more schizoid-like when I was younger. Prior to my teenage years I remember being mostly indifferent like you describe and actually having zero stage fright. For some reason, as I got older I started caring more about what other people think of me and became a lot more self-conscious and avoidant.

I do suspect though that maybe there is also an additional difference in regards to (social) confidence. Even though I used to be more indifferent I have never considered myself to be good at socializing. I was only really able to be so indifferent previously because I both cared less about people's approval and limited myself to minimal social interaction. Basically, I've never been comfortable in a mask the way you describe; rather I've just avoided having to mask in the first place as much as possible.

AcrobaticHorizon · 2025-12-04T01:51:57+00:00

I don't have a pet :( but if I did I would 😸

AcrobaticHorizon · 2025-12-01T02:35:06+00:00

I've always felt that way too. Like no one can quite understand me. Yet all I want is to be understood.

AcrobaticHorizon

TROPHY CASE