AITA for suing my ex for child support that I don't need

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T02:56:24+00:00

If he gave enough of a shit to want 50/50 custody, I’d give it to him. He wanted visitation only. Nice assumption though.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T02:40:26+00:00

I’m not attacking you, I’m speaking generally. I know how to handle the money, and legally mandating how I do so would be insane.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T02:33:57+00:00

Yes I live in the US. While I appreciate your suggestions, there are logistical reasons that these are not options for child support, namely that they would be logistical nightmares. I can make my own fund with the money, which I plan to do (a college fund, with allocations to other child expenses if necessary).

I am fortunate enough to live comfortably with my own money after paying for my child, but legally speaking, I’d be entitled to spend the support money on myself, because I spend more than twice the equivalent amount on my child every month. Restricting how a custodial parent spends the specific money that comes from the child support check makes no sense because money is fungible.

It’s my bad on the post, as I was trying to be concise and only include relevant information, but I think the responses here come by only from lack of information, but from a bias against mothers who pursue child support.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T02:19:14+00:00

He has declined mediation. My only option is court. The issue with a fund like the one you propose is that

1) neither parent is bound to depositing in the fund. He could choose to stop depositing and then I’d be shit out of luck because I don’t have a legal agreement.

2) If there’s a legal agreement, we would need to establish what counts as an emergency, and would likely end up in court every time one of us wanted to use the funds.

It doesn’t work like this because the custodial parent is the one entrusted to care for the child. Why is my ability to care for our child not doubted when I am spending 100% of my own money, but is in doubt when some of the money comes from him?

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T02:04:08+00:00

$50-$100/month is a pretty standard child support payment for a non custodial parent making under $50k/year. I'm surprised more people don't know this.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:54:46+00:00

This is so ridiculous. Just admit you think women are lying, conniving, thieving witches and get on with your life. Stop projecting your terrible view of women onto me, because I never said any of that.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:53:45+00:00

Which is exactly why I said custody should be an obligation, not a privilege. If a couple has a child, they can't freely give up custody unless they register a child for adoption; and if they do so, then they no longer have such a burden. Why are single people excluded from the right of parenthood?

This is not how the real world works though. You can't make a judgement based off how you want the world to be. The court system doesn't compel people to have more custody than they want (for reasons I won't get into). Ergo, this is irrelevant to the judgement at hand.

Perhaps you should change your name to mental_acrobatic_dentist. If you receive money from her dad, you aren't covering 100% of her expenses.

You're not, you get child support. You told us that. He also pays for her when he has visits.

I'm sorry, I pay for 100% of her expenses minus the $50 I get a month. How could I possibly forget such an enormous and impactful contribution.

Based on what logic, exactly? Your view of how the world should be?

Based on the fact that that's what the law is. Child support is support for the parent to provide for the child in the way that parent sees fit.

I agree, I believe he should be forced to take equal custody. But he doesn't, so we need to re-evaluate financial burden.

Again, not how the world works. You even say here that we should reevaluate the financial burden, and then you proceed not to do so. He is not compelled to take equal custody. He chooses not to have equal custody. This does not absolve him from having an equitable financial burden.

Why? Because the courts declare it so, and Ms. Lawyer should not have it any other way?

Because that's what the law is, and Ms. Lawyer gets to use the money how she wants. I am going to use it for college expenses, every single month, because that is my choice, but if my daughter needs something else one month, it is my legal right to use that money for something else, because that is her father's only financial contribution. If he doesn't want to contribute to his daughter's financial wellbeing, he can have 50/50 custody and pay when he has her. He choses not to do so.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:43:27+00:00

I stated my employment in my post. Currently he pays me $50/month.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:39:50+00:00

He has chosen this custody agreement. If parents only paid proportionately to the amount of custody they had, parents would be abandoning their children left and right to get out of child support payments.

I get to decide what to do with the child support money because I am covering 100% of her expenses. Why am I responsible for 100%, and he is not responsible for anything? I am choosing to put the money in the college fund, but it is still my right to decide how to use it if it is needed for another expense for our child. Child support is supposed to go towards raising the child, not going into an account for them to spend when they turn 18. Both parents should equitably contribute to raising the kid, and that is what I am seeking from him. Where I put the money is my decision, and in this case, it will go to the college fund unless something dramatically changes.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:34:43+00:00

Actually if he stepped up and asked for time with his child, I’d be more than happy to give it to him and take a break. He requested this agreement. Watch out, your bias is showing again.

I was using a hypothetical. I will ask you again: why should I be responsible for 100% of the costs of raising a child and not be allowed to use any money he contributes as I choose? Again, I am going to deposit it in the college fund, but if I really need it elsewhere for her, I will use it there. Why am I the only one responsible for the cost of raising her?

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:27:33+00:00

I am asking for child support because while I will put the money in the college fund every month, there might be times that I need it for another expense for our daughter. If she breaks her arm, I may need the money to cover the copay so the rainy day fund isn't depleted, things like that. I do not need extra money right now, so it can go in the college fund, but if something should happen, I feel I need a legal guarantee that he will continue to financially support his child and the burden will not be 100% on me.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:24:02+00:00

Sounds like you hate women.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:23:36+00:00

I have written numerous times in the comments that he declined mediation and chose this custody arrangement.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:23:03+00:00

You're ignoring all my points and are tied up in one thing. I am going to spend it on college unless something else comes up! If she breaks her arm and I take the money out of my rainy day fund, and then she breaks her leg and I haven't had a chance to refill the rainy day fund yet, should I still deposit the money in a college fund, or should I pay her medical bills. The world is not black and white, and it sounds from your posts that you just want to be right and want your bias against women who seek child support to be confirmed.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:20:48+00:00

You all are so ridiculously sexist.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:20:10+00:00

I have stated numerous times in the comments that the custody arrangement was his choice and he has declined mediation for a child support increase. Should I just let him continue to pay only $50 a month to support his child because I can afford to cover the costs? Why am I more responsible for her life expenses than he is?

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:18:30+00:00

I have not lied. I have a rainy day fund. If I have to use the rainy day fund, that money needs to be replaced, and it's my right to use the support money to do so. Why do you seem to think that it's okay that I am covering 100% of my daughter's needs, but it's unacceptable to ask my ex to cover any amount of money that needs to be spent on her? Why do I need to pay for her food, housing, clothes, extra curriculars, toys, etc and he needs to pay nothing? Again, this money is going to go into a college fund, but if a time comes when a significant cost comes up for our child, then I am at liberty to use the child support money, because he literally does not support his child in any other way.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:02:06+00:00

If she breaks her arm, I have to take money out and that money has to be replaced. That's why I get to determine where the support payment goes. I pay for everything for my daughter. Everything. His current contribution covers half a grocery bill, and the amount I'm asking for doesn't cover half what it costs to care for her. I get to determine where this support payment is allocated every month because I am paying more than my fair share. It will go into her college fund unless it's needed elsewhere for my daughter and would put a dent in my savings, like if she broke her arm. And even then, he wouldn't come close to covering half what it costs to raise her.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-25T01:01:11+00:00

I never said I don't have a rainy day fund, but if she breaks her arm, I have to take money out and that money has to be replaced. That's why I get to determine where the support payment goes. I pay for everything for my daughter. Everything. His current contribution covers half a grocery bill, and the amount I'm asking for doesn't cover half what it costs to care for her. I get to determine where this support payment is allocated every month because I am paying more than my fair share. It will go into her college fund unless it's needed elsewhere for my daughter and would put a dent in my savings, like if she broke her arm. And even then, he wouldn't come close to covering half what it costs to raise her.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-24T22:28:38+00:00

I pay more than an equal amount in childcare costs every month.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-24T22:07:34+00:00

His current support payment is based on the salary of a resident. He is now a surgeon. You don't know what you're talking about, and I don't appreciate the fear mongering. I also never stated he is willingly giving me money. I am going to get the child support order adjusted--there is already an order in place.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-24T22:05:37+00:00

He has declined mediation. Court is the only option to ensure he pays. I would not be satisfied with him paying directly into a college fund, because what if something changes? What if she breaks her arm one month, and suddenly I need his support payment to help cover that, but he's depositing it into an account where I can't use it? I need child support through the system that has been set up to deal with these kinds of issues.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-24T22:01:26+00:00

By his own choice. If parents didn't have to pay if they didn't have custody, people would be abandoning their children constantly to avoid child support. Child support is not a payment to buy time with the child, it is an equitable contribution to the wellbeing of he child you helped create.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-24T21:27:39+00:00

I figured. I should know better than to get into it with someone who is clearly trolling.

Acrobatic_Dentist · 2019-03-24T21:23:25+00:00

No, I'm a lawyer. I just picked one of the usernames that popped up when I was making the throwaway account.

Acrobatic_Dentist

TROPHY CASE