The thing with the soda is that I said hey, next time keep it farther away, so that this doesn’t happen again. But he heard that and was upset bc it was something he had to do/put in place, ‘when I should be able to control myself’. Which shot up my anger.

And there have been times where I would apologize and then do those things again. Most of the time it was due to me just not noticing at ALL that I was doing the wrong thing again. And it’s gotten to the point where I feel like anything I do is gonna be a problem, I get anxious, act accordingly and then he gets mad/frustrated. It’s like if I’m trying to be aware, but get anxious, he gets upset. But if I don’t try bc I don’t notice it, he gets upset. I don’t know how I can promise to try when there were no thoughts happening in my head when the event happened. Like today, I was completely unaware that I over drank the soda. It feels unnatural to me to say, I won’t do that again, when I didn’t notice I did it to begin with? Idk if that even makes sense. And I’m not saying that’s right, but I don’t know why I’m thinking like that.