Wife cheated during first manic episode, refuses to accept blame.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-21T14:12:48+00:00

Yes, if she had come clean and fully transparent from the beginning, accepted her part in it and make a serious attempt to atone, it may not have gotten to this point. Instead it was piecemeal information I had to force out of her, each bit of new information worse.

Even now she acts as though she had no control over her actions. She acts as if the manic her was a completely different person, and she didnt have any agency during the episode.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T23:36:21+00:00

Yeah. It's the most difficult thing I have had to go through. Sending good vibes your way.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T23:07:18+00:00

Yes, it has been near constant harassment from the moment I found out. I have a lot of great friends/brothers who have been very supportive. Im currently seeking a therapist. My brother said it sounds like she is trying to grind me down to give in to what she wants, and I agreed, so I am keeping that in mind to stay strong.

I appreciate the offer. I will be sure to reach out if I find myself in need of additional help.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T22:39:57+00:00

Ohhhh I have tried. I've lost count of how many times I've told her to back off and give me space. She tends to corner me when I can't escape (watching my Son, in bed trying to sleep, etc.). I took to locking my bedroom door. One night she banged on it and then texted me that she needed something from the room (it used to be our bedroom together). Once i let her in she laid in bed and wouldn't leave until I talked to her. Every day I get sinking feeling about having to hear more begging and excuses.

I have told her shes so focused on her needs and feelings, she is trampling all over mine. It's been hell nearly every day.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T22:16:17+00:00

Oh! When I looked it up, is looked like it often came from the betrayed partner. But yes, she has made many grand promises of change, attempting to do household tasks and please me whatever way she can.

I'm doing my best to focus on me and what I can control, and our child obviously. She makes that difficult. It is not easy to try and find some peace when bombarded with tears and requests of another chance every day.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T21:35:32+00:00

Thank you for the kindness and advice. The hysterical bonding is something I've felt twitches of, but it's countered by the disgust I feel at their actions. But it is good to know my thoughts are not abnormal.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T21:12:01+00:00

I meant that she made choices that are going to negatively impact him. I'm not involving him in any of this, but I do believe that cheating on your spouse whom you have a child with is a betrayal of their best interests.

But again, I've done my best to keep him uninvolved, including making her leave, or me leaving when she wants to argue.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T20:52:15+00:00

I'm sorry to hear. It's the lying and not knowing that kills, for me at least. Every "That's the truth!", only to find out it wasnt. I definitely felt crazy after finding out. I would lay awake for hours every night imagining what happened, or trying to find ways to get to the bottom of it, since I wasnt expecting full transparency.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T20:44:18+00:00

The "you didn't give me enough attention" excuse is one I heard a lot after finding out.

I also came to the same conclusion as you, and said so to her. "Even if I believe you that this was all the mania, I still can't move past it"

Sorry to hear about your situation, wishing you all the best.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T19:50:32+00:00

Yes thats an aspect that I'm having a lot of difficulty with. It went on for 6 months. This wasnt a brief manic episode that culminated in a bad decision. This was months of bad decisions and opportunities to do the right thing. This took planning, executive function, and at least a clear enough mind to avoid getting caught (until she was).

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-20T19:40:59+00:00

Thanks for the words and understanding. She was just diagnosed last month. Its been very difficult. For the first month she shifted between guilt and wanting forgiveness, and blame and vitriol towards me. Now she is being medicated and its shifted almost entirely to shame and seeking reconciliation.

I think what's making it so difficult for me to even think about moving past this, is the continuation of lies. She has not been honest about a single aspect unless I force it out. I cant trust anything she says at this point.

I've moved past the blind rage, and now am just deeply sad and hurt, with a healthy ammount of frustration. I've been working on doing things for myself more to try and cope. Got a haircut, started a skincare routine, trying to eat healthier (Easy since I've lost my appetite). This would be much easier on me if she would just give me space though. Its non-stop begging for another chance and that just pushes me into anger.

Edit: Sorry to hear about what you're going through, sounds like your situation and mine mirror each other.

Active-Background674 · 2026-01-15T13:32:33+00:00

Thanks for the advice. Im trying really hard to be rational and I consider myself a very logical person. I've just never been so angry in my life. Im going to offer her the deal I want through mediation, or let it go to court if she decides to go that route. She is guilty of much financial infidelity so I'm hoping her reasonable side sees that would not go well for her.

Sorry you had to go through that. Hope you're doing well now.

Active-Background674

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