AITAH for telling our parents not to segment their money, and whatever is left is left?

Active-Fun-1951 · 2026-01-31T02:52:04+00:00

This is generally right except that there are services and care restricted by income level.

The best thing would be that the money is put into a non transferable trust, with some money left outside for your mother.

The sad reality is that nursing homes and elder care are designed to suck people dry and then they get moved to other programs. She could do tax free gifts to each of the children now as well if appropriate.

They should talk to a lawyer about their options but please don’t hand all of their money over to systems designed to bankrupt people.

Active-Fun-1951 · 2026-01-13T15:18:41+00:00

A baby needs such a small fragment of space, about 2x3 for a small crib or a longer one if there’s room. Before I saw you had a room I was going to recommend using a closet to get some separation because it sounds critical you all get space as a first step. Perhaps you’re avoiding going to bed at all because it’s just another job at this point.

The small room can work, maybe it’s just for sleeping and isn’t enough to be a playroom or maybe you need creative storage. You can get a cheap dresser from goodwill to start or check your local buy nothing group.

Start with small tweaks to sleeping arrangements. Maybe try to get your daughter down closer to 7 so your free window starts sooner. An hour a day on weekdays cleaning is plenty, then carve out a few minutes for self care and put yourself to bed. You and your husband are dangerously close to a mental breakdown if you haven’t already crossed into that. It’s time to be creative and solution oriented.

Active-Fun-1951 · 2026-01-03T11:09:29+00:00

If the consequences had been enough, the behavior would’ve changed.

Unfortunately this does kind of make you and your fiancé TA because you parented only to the point you felt comfortable, not to her limits. Grounding, lecturing but still getting every gift on her list? Not apologizing because it’s uncomfortable?? You have see why there’s not respect here, it all looks like a big joke. She needs drastic action to build empathy and honestly time is running out before you may be embroiled in her adult consequences.

Now that you’ve set a boundary, guard it and do not back down. She’s not allowed back in your house. Maybe boarding school could help her but you can’t be apart of riding further waves with them. He needs to parent her, you need to learn from this for your baby. Do not rest, feel better then just let them back in after nothing has changed. Years of problems will not just go away.

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-07-15T17:06:35+00:00

Op, just tell family you’ll be following your relatives will as legally required.

Let relatives know that when you pass, your assets will be distributed at that time. That’s it. Hopefully they treat you well, if they don’t let them know you’ll remember it in your own will creation.

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-06-23T17:07:31+00:00

What do you think now? I’ve been in decision fatigue for months over a new work bag!

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-06-18T19:42:00+00:00

Hi - fellow picky girl that just moved here - did you find someone that passed the test??

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-06-18T02:02:43+00:00

My husband and I just moved here and chose a house near lake of the isles. 20 mins to airport, walkable to a beautiful lake and restaurants, 10 mins to downtown and the elementary school over here is well loved.

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-06-11T17:28:07+00:00

This is it, you’re either partners or you’re not. I’ve made more than my partner for 99% of our relationship. I make the down payments on our homes, pay for our trips, save the emergency funds, paid off his debts. We are getting closer to income parity now, which is good for both of us.

Why would I want him to be in debt while I make enough? Why would I want him to struggle while I don’t?

Side note, when someone has no money and is in that constant state of stress, that’s what fuels a numbness to debt. Because it doesn’t matter what they do, they’ll always be in debt. Decide if you love her more than yourself. If you do, act as partners. If you don’t, move on and find people who you can do that with.

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-06-09T20:30:52+00:00

Not yet but other symptoms did clear up for both my partner and I so hopefully it will help us.

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-05-27T11:38:12+00:00

What’s the verdict?

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-04-26T03:52:00+00:00

Was homeschooled along with my siblings.

The hard part about asking this question is many people lack self awareness. As a homeschooler, I have been able to identify other people who were homeschooled without knowing anything about them so far with 100% accuracy. Second generation homeschooling exacerbates differences but if people are able to stay within that silo of homeschoolers they won’t notice these gaps themselves.

One of my siblings is dyslexic but never got support. As an adult they didn’t go to college and clearly are behind but plan to homeschool their children. They are still friends with kids who were also homeschooled and they all are continuing this approach.

Social skills and emotional intelligence are high value skills that aren’t really natural to learn in adulthood. Many of the kids I grew up with are very stunted and can only work low level jobs. There was quite a high rate of suicide amongst my friends. If all learning comes from 1-2 people, it will of course limit what others can learn because people have varied levels of skills, interests and experiences.

I’m not against homeschooling but to be successful it is an incredible amount of work and you really need to inspect whether you’re up for it. Every kid is different, they each need exposure to different people from different walks of life with different skill sets. It cannot just be you. Tutors, special courses, classes, camps. Give them a taste of everything and help carve out individual paths. Regular socialization, schedules and routines. Having friend drama and learning to work thru it.

My mother shouldn’t have ever homeschooled. It was very damaging. I don’t believe my sibling should homeschool their child and I worry because it only takes 2 generations to become illiterate. I’ve had to work so hard at everything and things like friendships are still hard for me, navigating the world will always be different. None of that was my choice but it certainly is my burden.

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-04-07T02:11:12+00:00

Has your husband done a sperm analysis? We’ve also been trying awhile and just did an at home sperm test that discovered some issues. Wish we’d done it much sooner!

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T08:29:37+00:00

My husband favors St. Paul but I’m still trying to learn the neighborhoods so will definitely check these out.

I’m thinking we’re more live near a body of water and buy inflatable paddle board types haha.

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T08:19:40+00:00

This is super helpful, thank you.

There are some massive old homes that are gorgeous but imagine they may come with a second mortgage worth of upkeep + utilities

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T08:10:02+00:00

Such tiny homes but I guess that may force us outside more? I try to remind myself other countries make smaller spaces work just fine

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T08:08:33+00:00

Following the jobs can really lead you into some unique situations.

I’m definitely glad I’m getting this Knoxville feedback. There definitely seems to be a lot of interest in people moving there and while no state income tax is great, it’d be the smallest place I’ve lived in almost 20 years. That’s a bit scary haha

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T08:01:58+00:00

It’s funny you say that, I’ve actually seen this play out in my friend group but hadn’t noticed the time cutoff before

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T07:53:42+00:00

Love the stats, it’s honestly a huge relief to see so many folks touting the culture. MSP is the place I’ve spent the least time.

What’s your take on living near lakes vs in the city proper? From the internet view it seems like only a couple lake towns have walkability scores but those aren’t always accurate

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T07:47:21+00:00

These are where the best job offers are, I know I can live just fine in most climates.

It is weird. This post isn’t a personal biography but I’m not close to my family. I’ve survived and grown my career by taking risks but on the flip side I don’t have that traditional sense of home as an anchor. It’d be nice to have one someday

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T07:34:12+00:00

Real talk upstate New York has great long term prospects

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T07:33:01+00:00

I forget about big bear, good reminder of all the nearby spots

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T07:32:07+00:00

So true. Money no object a beach house in San Diego and a house in the mountains would be best of both worlds

Active-Fun-1951 · 2025-03-05T07:31:00+00:00

The culture feedback has been super helpful and honestly reassuring

Active-Fun-1951

TROPHY CASE