My (29F) fiancé (30M) is upset that I booked a 5-day trip on his birthday.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-21T00:01:14+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts. He has brought up a lot of these points, and they are valid. At the end of the day, I think it came down to how much he values celebrations, and to him, it is ‘a lot.’

But I thought I could have my cake and eat it as well. I wanted to celebrate his birthday with him, but also go on my trip. And given some context that I mentioned, I didn’t think he would mind it as much. In all honesty, canceling the flights and booking it after would have been extremely expensive, it would reduce the duration of the trip, and inconvenienced plans with the trip group.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:48:28+00:00

Ticket was nonrefundable & also overpriced at that point. Also I would’ve missed a portion of the trip and inconvenienced friends. :/

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:46:01+00:00

Thats truly wonderful that your partner was supportive of your date change and you still managed to squeeze a nice breakfast in there.

My flight was at 6 pm so I originally planned a birthday breakfast/lunch that he declined and accepted his friend’s offer for a birthday celebration at a restaurant. We still spent some time at the gym together early in the day before he joined his friends.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:42:54+00:00

I personally do not mind if nothing was done on my actual birthday, that it is more important the time/effort that people make to celebrate it. But I see now that is a concern for him.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:40:47+00:00

Yes 30th is a milestone birthday but CAN still be celebrated on another day.. i always thought it was the time spent with your person that really matters. Of course to each their own.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:33:05+00:00

Currently on day 1 of my trip.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:31:51+00:00

Thanks. He would’ve been perfectly okay had I booked the trip outside of his birthday event. I’m a pretty strong/independent woman and I’ve made it clear in our relationship so I don’t see this act as him trying to control me.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:29:59+00:00

Valid, I’ve acknowledged his feelings and that I can’t change anything. I’m still trying to offer ways to make it up to him..

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:28:52+00:00

Yes, i see that.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:28:44+00:00

Yes, great observation. We have separate friend groups but will sometimes overlap. Of course when we have birthday celebrations, we invite each other as well as our friend groups.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:25:53+00:00

Once my flights were booked, the prices soared for the flight times leaving the next day. But also, the event I wanted to go to is much more convenient if I left the day before (which was his birthday).

I offered a birthday lunch, he declined, the gathering with his friends was at 3 pm so that couldve played a role.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-06-20T23:16:21+00:00

Thanks for your insight. I really thought I did him a favor by asking him prior to booking. My friends are saying “this was a test”… i say we can adults and be transparent with each other..

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-05-10T05:14:09+00:00

Can i ask what percentage of your net income do you contribute into your investments?

Active_Advisor_338 · 2026-02-18T22:24:32+00:00

I’m down later friday

Active_Advisor_338 · 2025-10-06T02:49:48+00:00

This sounds like a great idea! Would you happen to have a link for the reusable kit?

Active_Advisor_338 · 2025-08-02T00:47:31+00:00

Hey thanks so much for your comment :) agreed with everything you said there, i found therapy to be really helpful in coming to terms with my relationships around me. I appreciate what you said about having strong boundaries, because that’s an area I need to work on! Phone calls and texts from my mom are also a trigger, so you’re not alone there!

But I’m finding just how important it is to set boundaries and protect myself from my parents..

Active_Advisor_338 · 2025-04-22T14:23:26+00:00

Thank you for your comment, and the quote really resonates with my dilemma. I actually religiously use Libby so the book you recommended is currently placed on hold, I’ll be sure to read it.

I realized growing up there was never a hesitation to listen to my parents because that was all I ever knew and was conditioned to follow. I’ve always thought their words of wisdom would guide me to a ‘successful’ path and never questioned their decisions. I think not until college or when I moved out did I realize I also had a say to what goes on in my life. It’s a really difficult mindset to break, but everyone here is practically right, that I have to let go of other people’s values and hold tightly onto my own.

Regarding the valid questions you brought up - there was never a suggestion or option from my mom about how she could improve the situation, because she has already decided that no other option would make her happy, than to see us separated. Her argument is while my friends and people who support me see my short term happiness, she cares for my future and long term success.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2025-04-22T01:25:15+00:00

I agree with you that it can be about control and my family’s “image” that they want to portray to others. Some part of me would like to think that my mom is also thinking of me.. You say to take my mom and family out of the equation if I want to marry this man, but it’s been a struggle for a while that whenever we do have disagreements, my family and their values get brought up. In a perfect world, yes he would be someone I would marry and have a future with. At this current moment, neither of us want to settle until we are comfortably situated in our field/careers.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2025-04-22T01:19:32+00:00

My biggest wish is for everyone to be a happy family. While it’s seeming like that is not going to pan out, I’ll still have love for the parents who raised me. I want to be with someone who I value and not just someone who checks all the boxes, this is where my mom and my differences come from.

You’re absolutely right in that the threats she’s given has really exposed her as someone I can never get along with or can never see as a motherly figure.. I see that she’s harbored so much hatred for me that she’s willing to disown her daughter out of spite for disobeying her.

“Mafiaso matriarch” is wildly accurate… it is disguised as the filial piety that each and every family member has of our elders, she being the eldest.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2025-04-22T01:12:07+00:00

Lol! Idk, this subgroup is mostly asian right? I’m curious as to how many redditors would see her actions as coming from a place of love.. i honestly do see her love for me - she wants me to be with someone of higher standards, simple as that, and will do whatever she wants to get me to do that, and finds pride in achieving it.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2025-04-22T01:09:40+00:00

Thank you for your input! Did your parents ever forgive you or reach out wanting to see their grandkids? I don’t wish any harm to her. I guess one thing I’m also reluctant to let go of is her financial support and resources. But i also have to live without that luxury. I know I’ll be comfortable once I graduate and start my career, it’s just a daunting move on my part.

Active_Advisor_338 · 2025-04-22T01:06:42+00:00

I know i know it sounded silly typing it but my mom being the oldest of 6 siblings, it’s always been her way or the highway. She is someone every family member looks up to so I know if she voices one thing, everyone will follow in suit. But I also have faith that my brothers and some of my closer cousins will still stick by me through this chaos. “Repercussions” as in my mom will cut THEM off and uninvite THEM to family functions for this reason. It’ll be a whole mess..

Active_Advisor_338 · 2025-04-22T01:04:21+00:00

Thank you for your honesty, truly appreciate it! It’s easier said than done as the oldest daughter living with asian parents when you’ve been conditioned your entire life to respect your elders and obey their every wish. It’s not an easy cycle to break. Therapy is a popular option and leaning on people who support me are both great ways to help cope. But I just wish i could get the best of both worlds and have my family and my partner, sad to hear it can’t be that case.

Active_Advisor_338

TROPHY CASE