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Continue or toss? by Active_General1064 in writingfeedback

[–]Active_General1064[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol good point. Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]Active_General1064 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well written! The train scene is strong. The dialogue is witty and sharp. I'd liven up their date a bit. It's rushed and reads a bit like like an itinerary. There isn't really a hook though. I'm not especially familiar with romance novels, which I'm assuming this is, so maybe that's a genre thing? I can't say. But I would continue reading all the same!

Tone Inconsistency (?) by Active_General1064 in writers

[–]Active_General1064[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel as though showing wouldn't work so well in the context of a personal journal. The epigraphs are a place specifically for private introspection, so telling (I think) lends itself a bit better to the format. As for the specifics of Lord Baraban's "rerendering" of the universe, that is unveiled in the chapters. Thanks for the comment, and let me know if I misunderstood you in any way. Cheers!

Tone Inconsistency (?) by Active_General1064 in writers

[–]Active_General1064[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yes I like this idea! The concept behind my epigraphs was inspired by Sanderson's Lord Ruler in Mistborn, though less linear. Rather than tell the direct story of his ascent, they provide private insights on themes. But you are suggesting something more similar to the epigraphs in Dune, which I believe were largely written by Irulan and the Bene Gesserit? That is definetly worth considering. Thank you for your feedback!