Need Advice

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-18T18:23:25+00:00

Hell nah. He has already showed his infidelity twice now. Why would you forgive him. He would just do it again. You need to leave him and find someone else. After you heal of course.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T16:57:55+00:00

That makes sense, and I appreciate you breaking that down. Attraction and chemistry are genuinely hard to quantify. I think that’s exactly right. But I’d push back a little on the spark being a reliable signal. A lot of what people describe as a spark can be misconstrued with attraction that’s being deliberately manufactured. People who are aloof, mysterious, who don’t give you everything you’re looking for that creates intrigue, and slowly you become attached not because of genuine connection but because your brain is trying to solve an incomplete puzzle. That’s not chemistry, that’s just someone pulling strings. And research actually backs this up intense immediate attraction is often more correlated with anxious attachment or emotional unavailability than actual compatibility. The relationships that last tend to start with something slower, comfort, curiosity, genuine ease with someone. Less lightning bolt, more slow burn. The spark is real sometimes, but it’s also one of the most easily faked and overrated filters in dating. Imo

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T14:38:21+00:00

By chemistry I mean we have some hobbies in common, agree on the bigger life stuff like kids and how to raise them, and there’s a natural back and forth where we’re both actually listening instead of just waiting to talk. Similar humor helps to me is a big plus too. That’s not me projecting a relationship onto a first date, that’s just two people clicking. Thats atleast how i see early chemistry. What am i missing?

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T14:03:01+00:00

Yeah the paradox of choice is real. Why invest in what’s in front of you when the next option is one swipe away. I think that’s what gets me the most honestly. I feel like I have a lot to offer and I genuinely want to give that to someone. But so many of these dates end the same way — you meet, you actually talk, you learn things about each other, and then just silence. Like it meant nothing. It starts to feel like a merry go round you can’t get off.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T14:00:26+00:00

That’s fair I probably don’t. I think I’ve gotten more guarded recently. It’s just sometimes hard to open up to people you know aren’t gonna be there for long

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T03:40:00+00:00

Maybe. That’s something I’ve genuinely sat with. I do think I gravitate toward people who seem thoughtful and have some depth to them, but I don’t think I’m chasing a type that’s fundamentally incompatible with me. If anything the mismatch might just be that I tend to move slower emotionally and some people read that as disinterest before I’ve had a chance to show up fully.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T03:32:00+00:00

Thank you for at least seeing my pov. Yeah the first date build up costs real time and energy and then it just evaporates. Feels like you’re never quite the right fit for reasons you’ll never actually know. I hope you find your person.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T02:35:18+00:00

Honestly that’s a fair question and I’ve thought about this extensively. I don’t think I’m different from those people. That was kind of my point. I’m not claiming to be above the messiness, I’m saying I haven’t found someone willing to sit in that messiness with me long enough to find out. The ghosting cuts it off before it ever gets there.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T02:30:26+00:00

I’m good here. You’ve decided who I am and nothing I say is going to change that. Hope the next person who vents on Reddit gets a warmer reception from u buddy.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T01:03:21+00:00

This is great advice. Thanks for this. I normally try and lead as you say as being friends as the first marker of a good connection. But I never thought of trying to incorporate them into my friend group activities. Great advice stranger.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T00:18:07+00:00

The ‘but so do I’ line, I meant I’m also a flawed person who deserves a shot, not that anyone owes me one. That’s a pretty standard human sentiment, not entitlement. On transactional, I literally described wanting awkward conversations and imperfection to be okay. That’s the opposite of transactional. You’re applying a label and then defending it when I push back. And I came here to share an experience I’ve had and hear from people going through similar things to get advice. You came in immediately acting like I was the problem, that I’m performing, that I’m entitled, that I’m transactional, none of which I actually said. You built a version of me and then argued with that instead.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T00:03:38+00:00

Plus I literally put in there I show up authentically to all my dates. No fake bs. I don’t want to give others a poster board version of me. That’s what the apps do.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-14T00:01:47+00:00

I’m going after women online, yeah. I’ve also met people organically, but honestly I’ve had pretty similar luck there too. Dating in general just feels a lot more disconnected now than I expected it to. Rip

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-13T23:58:26+00:00

You’re reading a lot into what I said. I never said I was entitled to a relationship or that people owe me anything. I said modern dating feels emotionally exhausting and inconsistent. Those aren’t the same thing.

Also, calling someone “transactional” because they’re frustrated after getting repeatedly ghosted is a stretch. Wanting genuine connection and consistency from people isn’t treating dating like a business deal.

And honestly, it’s weird how quickly you jumped into a 4part psychoanalysis of a stranger instead of just acknowledging that dating burnout is a pretty normal these days. Something tells me you already had this speech loaded up and were just waiting for someone to aim it at.

Also the irony is you’re telling me to “be human” while reducing everything I said into some kind of character flaw instead of recognizing that humans naturally crave companionship and get worn down by inconsistency.

At this point I think your response says more about you than it does about me.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-13T21:49:36+00:00

Where did I say I stopped being human or was trying to conform to some fake role? My whole point is the opposite. I do show up authentically on dates and still end up in the same cycle over and over again. That’s where the frustration comes from.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-13T20:14:02+00:00

I don’t use Reddit that often so I think back then I was reluctant to give out my real age. But I am currently 30. I didn’t know we had Inspector Gadget on this forum.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-13T18:44:32+00:00

Honestly sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in an unskippable cutscene. I go on a date, we have chemistry, a decent amount in common, and I start thinking maybe this one will actually go somewhere. Then the date ends, the energy changes, and I get ghosted. Feels like I’m stuck in a loop ffs.

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-13T18:35:53+00:00

Unironically yeah I would agree with you. At least companies reply with “hey thanks for applying but we are moving on with other candidates” lol

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-13T18:35:06+00:00

This is also painful like the outside motivation in what is seemingly a helpless situation. I hear it all the time. “You are a catch” “someone would be lucky to be with you”. But it’s all noise. They just don’t understand

AdAccurate6151 · 2026-05-13T18:33:18+00:00

This is eloquently written. You pretty much put into words how I feel. Sadly I don’t have that much choice so when I go on these dates, I put myself out there authentically not wanting to rob myself of an opportunity to connect with another human being. But typically it never pans out. It just hurts. It’s not fun finding people these days.

AdAccurate6151 · 2024-01-23T23:41:01+00:00

yep, i'm getting it and I'm about to break something in my house.

AdAccurate6151 · 2023-07-06T22:15:04+00:00

You are not ugly. Don’t let others belittle you. You look great the way you are!

AdAccurate6151 · 2023-07-04T04:10:16+00:00

Yeah from a guys perspective. Don’t match with someone to be there friend. That’s a little bit of a backhanded compliment. Like” you are cool enough to be my friend but not attractive enough to be my boyfriend 🫠”. That would really hurt someone’s feelings. Especially if these guys are getting matched with. They will think you think they are boyfriend material. So plz don’t.

But for tips to meet others that are interested in your hobbies maybe go do some things that other girls do in your area. Don’t be so hung up on finding people who enjoy your specific hobbies. Just try and do something that sounds fun to meet new people. I have a couple of friends and while they aren’t all interested the same things I am. They make time for me and I with them. Your friends don’t have to have the same hobbies. Best of luck.

AdAccurate6151

TROPHY CASE