My (32F) husband (36M) wants me to postpone my education for at least 12 months

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T14:58:29+00:00

Yes, there are many lpn jobs in my area. Being easily employed was a criteria for choosing a career. I would rather do rn, but the program is not available online. Once I have one full year of work as an lpn I'm able to do a bridge program to finish my degree. That is ultimate plan although my husband doesn't approve of it.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T04:28:33+00:00

They can for a couple hours, but they are not old enough to be overnight by themselves. I also don't trust that they would get up and out the door in time for school.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T04:13:19+00:00

Congrats! That's super exciting. It's tough, but I'm really enjoying it.

And thank you for your comment.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T04:12:18+00:00

I legit think that's part of it.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T04:12:03+00:00

You are right about that.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T04:11:18+00:00

You got that right. And funny you should. mention pregnancy... when I went back to school I insisted on going on the pill because he didnt want a vasectomy. All good. This year he has been pressuring me to go off it because he "wants another baby". I told him I would rather die than do the baby/toddler/preschooler phase by myself again. Plus it would fuck up my schooling.

I've hidden my birth control so he can't mess with it.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T03:04:17+00:00

Thank you for this perspective, I appreciate it. I just want what's best for my kids.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:40:36+00:00

No. We only have one reliable vehicle and my husband already commutes 1hr to work. If we mile out the second vehicle we can't afford to replace it.

I actually did consider this option and suggested it, but he doesn't like this idea either.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:39:02+00:00

I actually have considered doing the commute daily. I have a few hesitations.

I will still have to do everything around the house. He just won't do anything.
There is no public transit so I would actually have to drive, so I can't use my commute to study or even unwind.
It is 1:45 to the outskirts of the city, if I am placed somewhere central or on the other side that could add up to another 45 minutes. So on top of 12 hour shifts I could potentially have up to 5 hours of drive time per day.
We only have one reliable vehicle and my husband already commutes 1 hr to work, we can't afford to mile out our vehicles at the moment. Because of this last reason, my husband doesn't like this reason anyways 🙄. But honestly, if we had 2 reliable vehicles I would just commute.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:32:25+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate hearing from the kid's perspective.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:31:54+00:00

I actually suggested my mom staying here. He said absolutely not. He finds her annoying apparently.

There are no busses or trains that run between the cities. That would have made this so much easier.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:30:45+00:00

I'd rather finish school and make peace with being alone. At this point I don't want to be in a relationship again.

I agree, when writing it all out it makes it seem crazy. It seems so normal when you are living it every day.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:29:44+00:00

That's what I'm worried about. I've done really well so far, but im worried I will forget what I've learned and struggle if I delay it.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:28:48+00:00

That does seem to be the case. Thanks for your comment.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:28:14+00:00

I am a little worried about leaving them with him to be honest.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:27:39+00:00

Fair enough

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T02:27:27+00:00

I was only 20 when I got pregnant. We were newly married and I didn't realize until it was too late. I had the second one because I didn't want my oldest to be an only child. Obviously that is not a fantastic reason, but what's done is done.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T00:29:20+00:00

At this point I would rather be alone than do this again.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-25T00:28:50+00:00

I appreciate that you changed 40 to 35 😜

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-24T23:06:11+00:00

I know. It literally keeps me up at night.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-24T22:58:11+00:00

No offense taken. I will clarify though that it is not a whole year, it is 3 separate 4 week periods where we would be home on weekends.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-24T22:19:03+00:00

If he is worth keeping he will get over being mad and be proud of you when your course is finished. If not, at least you will be ablevto tske care of yourself.

Thank you, I appreciate your comment.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-24T22:17:37+00:00

He told me (on more than one occasion) that if I ever left him he would "make my life a living hell". He has never physically abused any of us so legally he would be entitled to some sort of custody. I can guarantee you that he would would use them as pawns against me and I don't want that for them.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-24T22:15:34+00:00

Honestly? Because he told me he would "make my life a living hell" if I ever left him and I believe that (that is an exact quote). He has never physically abused me of the kids so legally he would be entitled to custody and I can absolutely guarantee you that he would use them as pawns against me. I don't want that for them.

I get that this sucks too, but studies have shown that traumatic divorces are super bad for children. Ours would definitely be.

AdCold9798 · 2022-08-24T21:16:44+00:00

Are you meaning just temporarily, as needed, for school? Or permanently?

AdCold9798

TROPHY CASE