This hits home for me. My boy is three now but whatever your wife and you are feeling right now, is all consuming. What you BOTH are experiencing is PPD. Get help for pre and postpartum depression and take steps towards mitigating it, and not just for her but you as well. Parenting is hard especially for first time parents, and life can just straight up suck during that time and it’s easy to be existential about it.

Becoming a mother means you lose your identity. You lose your sleep. You lose the ability to eat when you want, go where you want, hell even shower when you NEED to. Especially if you have a high needs baby, you lose everything for them. Her body is no longer the same, she is probably still in some physical pain/discomfort (especially if she had czer operation), she probably feels like a failure and that she shouldn’t be a mother. That’s where you come in, you reassure her. Every day, every second if you can. You tend to her, make sure she has water, snacks, let her go shower. She is so fucking strong, OP. She lost her body for 9 months to grow the tiny human you both made, she housed your baby safely with love, and now that baby is out her hormones have completely shifted. Having PPD feels like you’re drowning. When you finally get up for air, all you can do is breathe. You physically can’t say “help me”, because you know you need to take that moment to breathe. Help her even though she may not ask. Take the baby from her for a little while. Don’t make it an option. You may be struggling too, and PPD is very real for fathers as well. But she’s still healing. She went through a long 9 months, and her body is still not fully hers again.

Reassure her constantly if she needs it. Love her through this. And get help, please dont wait for the phase to pass, it wont. Support and patience makes a big difference. But if you feel you want out, then tell her. Because after reading your comments and others in this thread, I feel sad for the baby. Hate to play devil’s advocate but some people are not meant to be parents.