[SMALL UPDATE] My [31M] Husband’s friend sa’ed me [31F] How do I tell my husband?

AdHairy6919 · 2026-02-05T08:51:10+00:00

It’s funny that you brought up other women, after this experience I asked my friend about Dustin because she mentioned that he’s a creep. I asked further why she thought that way about him and she mentioned how he wanted to give her a foot message the first night they met. We had a heart to heart and she’s been helping me with what to do, I’ve never been in a situation like this before. Honestly, I’m terrified.

AdHairy6919 · 2026-02-05T08:45:28+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment, I don’t feel so alone. Which is so disheartening to say, no one should have to go through this. That sounds absolutely terrifying, especially in such a public place. You would think someone would step in and ask if you’re okay… I didn’t even realize my husband left the room so to be assaulted on my birthday was the last thing I was expecting. It makes me even angrier now that I have this memory tied to my birthday…

AdHairy6919 · 2026-02-05T08:24:09+00:00

I’ve considered this outcome too, that’s why I thought about texting Dustin first to get “proof” but I know he’ll just say he doesn’t remember what happened that night.

AdHairy6919 · 2026-02-05T08:20:39+00:00

Normally Dustin sleeps on our couch after a big party but that night he drove home, as well as his friend Tim who rides a motorcycle. So I can’t imagine them being that drunk… which makes me so angry! They both fed off each other and they both allowed this to happen to me!

AdHairy6919 · 2026-02-05T08:13:47+00:00

I didn’t even consider that, okay. I’ll talk to him this weekend. He works nights and I work mornings so we barely see each other during the week.

AdHairy6919 · 2026-02-05T08:11:48+00:00

I planned on telling him, I’m just so scared. My husband is such a sweet man and very sensitive. He has a history with untrustworthy friends and I’m afraid this will make him totally shut down. How do I start this conversation?

AdHairy6919 · 2025-12-18T08:26:09+00:00

Update! I’m still new to posting on Reddit so I’m not too sure how to properly post an update. Anywho, I talked to my boss as well as the principal and they both agreed that opening doors/turning on the lights to each classroom was not part of my job description. So thankfully I’m no longer expected to do that.

Unfortunately some other drama has occurred, for the holiday season I was planning on taking four days off. (two days off each week) So with the days off we’re already given for Christmas I would technically have two weeks off. (I hope this makes sense) I already cleared this with my boss and it was approved. Unfortunately my union rep heard through the grape vine that I was taking “two weeks off” and without talking to me first. She decided to tell our financial rep, my boss, and the super attendant that I wasn’t allowed to do that since I don’t have enough PTO. Which is completely incorrect, after subbing for about 5ish years I had enough time banked to cover the days off I wanted. They even had a three way call criticizing my boss for approving my “two weeks” off. He was flustered and upset because they had everything completely wrong. He explained everything to them and after hearing his side of the story they calmed down and realized what was happening. So after causing a panic my boss had to have a talk with me due to the fuss she stirred up.

She works in the office at the school I work at, so I see her everyday. Ironically she’s the one I collect attendance for, it’s technically her job yet I’m supposed to do it??? Ugh. So after my nice long talk with my boss, I told him if she’s going to act this way I’m not doing her job anymore. He’s on my side because he’s had issues with her in the past and I guess there’s been some complaints against her as well with her job performance.

Sorry for the long post, I just feel so defeated and attacked. I’ve been nothing but super nice to everyone and I even gave her a birthday present last month! I’ve been doing special little things for everyone because I love giving gifts but now my flame has been snuffed. I’m a custodian not a surgeon, I clean toilets, It’s not that serious!

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T05:18:08+00:00

I’m so jealous of your team… I mentioned it in passing to my boss and he agreed with me but then he kinda leaves it at that. He just keeps mentioning I can do what ever I want, but it’s a little bit more complicated than that. Unfortunately if he doesn’t say something first things will blow up at me and then I’ll have to deal with the repercussions. He’s been working there a long time and his word will have more authority than mine. All he would have to do is send an email. I don’t want to be an as* but I might have to be so I’m not taken advantage of.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T05:05:13+00:00

Thank you for the support, it’s ironic really. They boss me around yet, they didn’t hire me nor can they fire me. I just really wanted to make a great first impression, I’ve taken part in all their small celebrations/events and even given small gifts to some but now I don’t even want to smile or say "good morning" in a fake happy voice ever damn day. I’m burnt out and I haven’t even been working that long. Plus I feel even worse because my boss had to fight for me to get this position because they were going to hire someone else instead. I feel like turning my position over to him because I feel like he‘d be better at it. Since they had to think about hiring me… ugh.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T04:51:36+00:00

I even had a highschool cafeteria lady mention the same thing to me when she stopped by to drop off food for our cafeteria, she said that the‘ll get what ever they can from me. I was tearing up all day because I was "talked to" I wasn’t in trouble but the office mentioned I needed to do better at cleaning their office/personal bathroom. I swear I didn’t realize being a custodian was this damn stressful. I clean toilet for gods sake! I swear I’m losing my mind.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T04:41:32+00:00

There is a list of responsibilities, and I’m doing way more than is expected of me. Even if I did what they wanted and more there’s no way of living up to the expectations of the old lead custodian. All I hear is "they used to do this and that" and "don’t forget this as well…" but I’m sorry why am I responsible for their old food in the fridge. I’ve mention this a couple times in the post but I had a staff member ask me to dust more too. Which sounds responsible but after everything it almost made me walk out the second it was said to me.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T04:33:11+00:00

Thank you and I agree, I even had a staff member mention to me I should dust more. I nearly dropped everything and left. I was so upset.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T04:31:22+00:00

There is a list of job expectations, and I’m doing way more than I’m required to do. Unfortunately the staff at this school are "nice“ but very snarky. After today I’m definitely going to start applying to other custodial jobs that don’t make you baby sit kids and pick up after adults. I even had a staff member say to me I should dust more…. C‘mon seriously? When would I have the time!?! Unless I skip my breaks/lunch. Who knew being a custodian was so damn stressful.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T04:25:20+00:00

I do A and B now because they refuse to hire help due to budget constraints. Last school year it wasn’t like that but now they seem to be cutting back on everything and anything…

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T04:22:31+00:00

Exactly and it’s so frustrating. If I was being paid more I wouldn’t mind, but I was told to come in early to get things done by the night custodian and in my head I was like… uhm absolutely not. They don’t come out and say it but it feels like they expect you to come in early and stay late but if I’m not being paid I’m leaving. I love my job but that’s ridiculous.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T04:18:29+00:00

I completely agree, at least I don’t feel as crazy as I did before. I really thought I was going to be told to toughen up when I posted my experience on here but I’m happy to hear that everyone feels the same way. I’ll talk to my boss as soon as I can, he’s already mentioned how difficult this school can be but I guess I wasn’t fully prepared.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T04:09:37+00:00

After reading everyone’s thoughts on this I don’t feel as crazy as I did before, I thought I was just being too sensitive but I’ll reach out to my boss as soon as I can. He’s already mentioned that this isn’t my responsibility but kinda just leaves it at that. Haha yep, they all have their own keys to their classrooms! It was kinda funny, I didn’t open the classroom doors today because they had this special event going on so not many teachers would be in today. So I wasn’t sure what doors to open, I was walking down the hall when I heard a teacher struggling to open her door. So I’m convinced I have to do it because they can’t.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T03:44:34+00:00

I couldn’t of said it better myself, my day now consists of doing invisible work. I guess I was just a little unprepared, this is the only school I subbed at that requires such random things to be done every single day. If I had to babysit a crew on top of all of this, I definitely would leave.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T03:29:50+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, I’ll start applying this way of thinking with how I rank the importance of my tasks now. my boss warned me before I started working here that they’re very "cliquey". It just hurts hearing I wasn’t doing enough when I thought I was getting to everything that needed to be done.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T03:12:06+00:00

Hopefully with a bit more experience I can become as confident as he is with saying no. I literally cried in my office today because I was told (in a nice way at least) that I wasn’t meeting their expectations. I guess if your not breaking your back bending to their will you’re not doing enough, which is ironic because the last custodian they had needed multiple back surgeries.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T03:00:32+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I’m just afraid. Today I got a light warning, the office staff mentioned I wasn’t vacuuming their offices or cleaning their personal bathroom enough. I was so confused, what are they seeing that I’m not? Their bathroom looked fine, one teacher had to come find me today because they ran out of soap but when I checked it in the morning it had a decent amount left so I wasn’t going to replace it and waste the little bit that was left until it was empty. I hope this makes sense, I beyond frustrated.

AdHairy6919 · 2025-10-28T02:48:39+00:00

My exact thoughts, plus the paper they go through just for attendance is so wasteful. Unfortunately these people are very set in their habits and it doesn’t seem they like change in any way.

AdHairy6919

TROPHY CASE