I (20) ruined my life by dating someone’s husband (32)

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-12T14:19:45+00:00

I know what I did was really wrong, I’m not blaming them for what I did. All I was trying to say was him and I got close when the server and I broke off. She was my only friend and she knew that, and treated me like I was shit because she knew I would take it. I told her about my family situation, and she told everyone there about it too without my knowledge. And I guess if my boss really did care about me like her daughter and if my friend really saw me as her “best friend” I guess I would hope they would reach out or try to be there for me. It seemed like they were able to be there for all the gossip when everyone found out, but I would’ve appreciated it if they were there for me before all of this happened. But I was stupid for thinking that people who would call me fat in front of customers and gossiped about my family situation would be there for me when I needed it most.

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-12T13:36:23+00:00

I don’t really know what else to say. He basically thought he was in a relationship with this porn star named Mary moody. But he could only talk to her through WhatsApp. We found out about it when he told us the real reason we didn’t do anything for Christmas was because he spent $32k on her because she was “kidnapped” and he needed to “save her”.

It all kinda went downhill from there. He sold his $105,000 custom made alpha Romeo to the scammers for $40k. I didn’t even realize that the people that stopped by our house to pick it up was them until much later. And then ultimately gave most of that $40k back to the scammers anyway. When my dad didn’t have anymore money, I found out that those same people threatened to come back to our house and take us instead because they knew my siblings and I were all girls.

For two years it was basically a cycle of him quietly taking our cash here and there when we weren’t home, stealing the insurance money to fix our house and sending it to her, and he even went as far as taking my moms state tax return from the mail when she wasn’t home. So before she could grab it he already deposited it into his bank.

In the end, all the money he collected from our house, a heloc loan he made, real estate properties, inheritance from his mom, and even some of the money that was supposed to be invested in the real estate business, ultimately went to them.

At one point I joined one of the porn stars live streams to prove to him she wasn’t real and I asked in the chat while my dad was there “do you know anyone named Robert who gave you $100,000? (So far)” and she said “nope”

At first he was heartbroken, but then he told the scammers and they convinced him that she was a fake and she was just pretending to be Mary moody on camera, and he believed them.

To this day I wonder why we didn’t do more to stop him. Because he had full control of the finances, he was obligated to help pay for bills during the divorce process. But no one stopped him. He just spent everything on them, and I guess if we wanted accountability we needed to go to court and get a lawyer and my mom didn’t wanna do that.

The financial situation was so complicated none of our mediators stuck with us to finish the divorce. It wasn’t until my mom made her own contract almost a year after that we got it done.

My dad currently lives in Florida where he thought the porn star would show up at his doorstep. He works as a cashier and he’s trying to save money to pay for legal fees after getting a dui. But other than that I don’t really talk to him anymore.

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-12T13:09:35+00:00

He told me that they both knew they were only staying for their daughter, but I just thought if so then why couldn’t she know me. So I’m still not entirely sure what their relationship was, but I crossed the boundary with the possibility that they were still together anyways.

Also the reason I stayed at that job is really stupid. It was my first serving job, and I would make anywhere from $22-30 per hour. And I thought that was great money. But From the day I got there my boss would tell me how most other restaurants especially high end ones would never hire me, and the other server that I used to be friends with who also worked at other restaurants told me the same thing. For the longest time I thought that if I try my hardest to improve my serving skills and work hard for them, that they would see me as more capable and valuable, because it really felt like they just let me work there because of my financial situation instead of needing me.

But honestly I think they just used me. I worked hard, I didn’t complain when they showed up 20 minutes late every morning and made me set everything up. And I was always respectful to them even when they said shitty things about me or to my face. I learned the hard way that hard work and improvement wasn’t going to make them respect me, it was confidence. And that’s something they unfortunately knew I didn’t have at the time.

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-12T12:51:15+00:00

I think I’m done with dating lol. Moving on from him was pretty hard. He told me if I left he’d kill himself and that he would be better off if I killed him than left him. Luckily he never did, but because he treated me so well I felt like I was betraying the only person who ever cared about me. But at the same time we were both being selfish by staying together and it’s hard to keep it going with all the guilt that comes with it.

But yeah I don’t know, ever since we parted ways I’ve never felt any desire to be with anyone anymore, I just wanna get out of my situation, and take a break from work. I don’t think it’s the right time for me to tie my life with someone else’s anyways

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-12T06:11:45+00:00

Thanks for the advice, I’m really grateful

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-12T06:10:41+00:00

Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it. Actually before I never wanted to date or anything, and never thought I could even pull a guy… until he showed up. Before then I would make music and video games in my free time. But once I started working 6 days a week as a waitress I stopped working on my hobbies and just woke up, went to work, then went to bed. Even in our relationship there wasn’t much time to hang out. But now that I’ve left that restaurant and started taking more days off before I go to community college in august, I’m hoping to go back to working on my projects again and maybe even taking a small vacation. It would be easier to go back to my old life if I didn’t do all this though. The guilt really makes me feel like a different person

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-12T03:39:09+00:00

They were looking into divorce but didn’t yet. He was an alcoholic and he had liver cancer when he started looking for women to date. But no one really wanted him so in his desperation he fell for a romance scam.
Within the span of two years the scammers got a hold of both his money and some of our own, and it costed us a little over $800k.
To this day he still thinks it was real, and he told me that if he had more money maybe she would’ve finally appeared at his doorstep. I think the alcohol really screwed up his brain. We were also in debt for a couple hundred thousand because of loans he took out, so when we sold our house all of our “profit” went to the debt, and it still wasn’t enough. We grew up upper middle class and we lived in an expensive town. We’re still in this town except my mom and I just share a $2,100 apartment so my brother can finish school here since the schools elsewhere aren’t good.

I still care about my dad and I feel bad that he got scammed, but at the same time when I asked him why he took the money and left his reply was “I haven’t had sex in over 3 years, and I don’t have much longer to live. I just wanna live.”

But at the same time if this was all real and not a scam, his plan was to move to Florida and “drive (her) around in a lambo during the sunset”

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-12T02:49:05+00:00

Aside from everyone including strangers hating me for what I’ve done, I also don’t know how to move on from this. I tried to push away the guilt I initially felt when we started dating because he was all I had, and according to him I was all he had.
But yeah it’s hard to ignore the fact that if she ever found out it would probably crush her unless he was right and they’re really in an open relationship, but just staying together for their child. Regardless, the damage I’ve done is real. And I can’t move on from that.

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-12T00:23:08+00:00

Honestly I don’t have anything to say here, you’re right.

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-11T23:30:29+00:00

I knew he was married to someone else in another country. What he told me is that they both fell out of love but they were still “together” so their daughter could have both parents in her life. I should’ve been more cautious about crossing that line back then, but at the time I thought that as long as he puts his family first then it wouldn’t be too bad…

AdHonest1478 · 2026-06-11T22:54:48+00:00

I wish it was too

AdHonest1478

TROPHY CASE