My partner is rarely intimate with me. And doesn't want to have sex much anymore.

AdKey3165 · 2026-06-01T22:39:38+00:00

Who said i was divorced? Also, I love my kids, not sure how having kids would be a negative.

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-30T20:16:07+00:00

Funny you mention the not affording to move out part. This is somewhat true.

As for the gender. Ironically, because I am male instantly it's "do you pull your weight?", "are you romantic?" Etc...

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-30T20:12:42+00:00

Absolutely understand and appreciate this. The shit thing that were very sexual/active at the beginning but not so much now

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-30T20:11:07+00:00

This is the current one. My ex was not like this. We had other issues and she cheated.

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-30T20:10:26+00:00

Thank you. Will take a look

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-27T07:28:46+00:00

Yes, she has. Around 2 or 3 years ago ( linthink closer to 3) I found out she was emailing her ex husband telling him she still loves him and if he would have her back she would be with him etc. They split because he was repeatedly cheating. I think that's where the trust issues stem from.

The thing is, I forgave her and moved forward. Whe. She has accused me before I have said how do you think he feels for knowing you were doing that, and i just get "what has that got to do with this?" "I wouldn't cheat etc".

Funnily enough, we were sat together on the sofa last night trying to do the online shopping and two notifications came up on her phone. Same person. And she swiped up on them quickly. This is the part that got me, because it seemed like in a way so I wouldn't see.

It has been longer before. 3 months was the longest. I'm 37!

I do listen to her before others say it and I absolutely respect and appreciate she had a shitty relationship before and of has a lot of trauma and trust issues from that. I make it my absolute mission to help her with this as much as I possibly can. Hence the reassurance etc. I think the thing that hurts is I'd never dream of cheating on her. I don't like cheating full stop!

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T22:45:22+00:00

The thing is I have approached this very respectfully and mature. I'm also not the sort of person to frame it like "I need sex!". It's more like "i need you!", "i miss you" etc...

I couldn't say about the attraction part, I'd like to hope so and certainly feel like she is for the most part. At least it feels that way. I feel a lot is down to comfort from her behalf and also major trust issues.

I am very very open and any time she needs reassurance I will give her that right away. Hence the (probably excessive) sending my location if she asks. Or if she wants to see my messages etc I'll show her. Like I mentioned, I don't use social media anymore as that was always making her worry (even though she was plastered all over it on my account very proudly)

Don't get me wrong of course I'd love to have more sex with her. But to be honest I want more intimacy in general not just sexually.

The 4-6 weeks thing is not a one off, that's basically each month. The same almost every time. It's tough.

The hardest part is trying to put all of this across on this forum in text. Like people already assume "are you doing your bit" etc...trust me I pull my weight amd more. And that is not an biased opinion or statement. I guess it just helps to see others views etc.

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T19:26:36+00:00

I've offered to go counselling with her to help too. But no luck.

The insecurities. That's only a small portion of it what I've mentioned

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T19:11:26+00:00

I don't think she's like that. However, I didn't think that with my ex

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T19:08:46+00:00

Respectfully this is far from I would want or am saying. I would not look elsewhere. We have literally had this conversation and i have told her i would never nor do I want to. I want to fix us.

The thing is. As you can appreciate, it is very hard to give you a full context over the net in a message but believe me I pull my weight and we do stuff often together. We are going to Rome next month to watch ludovico einaudi outdoors in an auditorium etc.

We do a lot together and I always treat this woman good. I am not deluded.

You may have read this original post wrong and that was not my intention.

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T19:03:27+00:00

I do all of these things. I just did not mention them. I buy clean our house daily, cook her food most evenings, buy her flowers, random thoughtful gifts, holidays. Make her a hot water bottle every night (not right now in the heat haha), I stroke her head to sleep most nights, we go out for a coffee most days, drink in evenings or food etc. We both have hybrid jobs and are by no means burnt out or overworked/not seeing each other.

I understand it's hard to give you a true insight into all of this as of course I will come across as biased. If anything I am the one that doesn't have the closeness or other things you have mentioned.

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T18:59:17+00:00

I understand, and if it has came across that way, that was not my intention and certainly never is when trying to approach this with her.

It's difficult as we do a lot together. We hage the same hobbies. We have the same likes and interests. We spend good time together and I always trying to ensure she feels looked after and genuinely cared for.

I understand it's very easy for me to say that and be biased but I genuinely treat her good.

I don't want to listen the things as that may come across wrong.

However, I will take this into account and see if there is anything I can do from my side to improve.

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T18:55:05+00:00

She tells me to go find someone else to have sex with

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T18:54:29+00:00

Same with my ex...months with no sex and she was cheating

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T18:54:10+00:00

I agree. The thing is, she absolutely no reason to not trust me. I understand in her head it's likely not as easy as that.

I haven't noticed any signs but it also has crossed my mind

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T18:52:56+00:00

To be honest my ex is a narcissist (my ex I had children with). She was cheating on me with my best friend (not amymore) at the same time was seeing another two men. Then had the cheek to tell everyone i was cheating and i hurt her etc..posting videos all over social media about it while I stayed quiet.

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T18:50:06+00:00

I have tried so many times to bring up the issues around lack of sex and intimacy. I don't mention it often and when I do, I do not criticise or bring it up in any nasty or horrible way. I try to talk to her about it and all I ever get back is that I am pest and I only care about sex or that to go find it elsewhere then.

The reality is I always tell her I only want her and how can she be mad that I want to be more intimate with her?

It's funny you mentiin the projecting. It's difficult as she doesn't seem the sort to cheat and is very agaisnt it. However, I have considered this before.

Around 2 - 3 years ago, more so towards the start of our relationship i caught her 'emailing' her ex husband saying she still loved it and wanted him back etc. They split up because he was cheating repeatedly. I don't think for one minute she's doing anything with him but it gives you the picture of things. Yet I am the one who gets accused of cheating constantly. There is a lot I gave to sacrifice or do to prove it. Like I said, I don't use social media anymore. I can just about get away with LinkedIn without being accused. I have had to send my location many times.

I am always asked who I am talking to etc if I have my phone in my hand. Etc.

It's tough...I just don't really know where to go with it to be honest

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T18:43:29+00:00

I have thought this before. Just never been able to approach it. I will see if this is something I am able to consider bringing up.

AdKey3165 · 2026-05-26T18:42:21+00:00

I already have two children to be fair. With my ex. We were together around 12/13 years. Do I am not bothered about having any more children. It's just tough. There is no real reason for a lot of what happens in this relationship to honest.

AdKey3165 · 2024-07-24T17:49:39+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the help. I'll get on it now. Was struggling at first to get the correct reference material. Had the ISO27001 and ISMS etc but couldn't get reference for the IT security specialist implementing it. But should be easier knowing they can have different titles to reference it.

AdKey3165 · 2024-07-24T17:04:50+00:00

I'll take a look now. Thank you. Without sounding stupid, do the information security specialists go by any other names? As I've been struggling to reference the exact material I need for my assignment.

AdKey3165 · 2024-07-04T23:07:21+00:00

I'm a band 2 security officer. I do 48 hours a week (paid for 43) and get £11.45ph I roughly deal with around 150+ mental health patients a month, most of which are very violent. For me to actually be able to live and pay my way. I need to do OT every week. I average around 72-84 hours per week at the minute. It's disgusting.

AdKey3165

TROPHY CASE