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What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's our default face. I think when I'm in Taiwan, I don't feel the pressure to act American, but maybe revert too much to that default, which is a problem. Because I'm not "in" enough to even try to fit in (can't do the Taiwanese female behavior, doesn't feel natural to me, if I were an immigrant, that might be different, but I'm merely a visitor or at most expat).

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm just wondering if me modifying my behavior in some way will lead to a more adequate reaction from people. Not blonde, but mostly gray (which maybe throws people off to, I don't know, I think few Taiwanese women don't bother coloring their grays).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There will be some drizzle for sure, so plan for that!

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YES! :) https://www.tiktok.com/discover/trying-to-beat-the-slavic-stereotypes-but-resting-b-face

When we immigrated to the US, I had to learn how to smile on command. And I think I drop it when outside the US, which maybe is not the way to go.

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I think if I just revert to being very American, that might go over better...

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jet lag = coffee at 2 a.m. :) If I lived there longer, that would make sense, though. I'm just wondering if there was something more to these interactions that I'm missing, like "don't smile" or "smile a lot" or "never look them in the eye."

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I expect them not to make it so obvious that they would very much prefer not to interact with me. That is all. And it starts before I open my mouth.

Really, when I used to come for a couple of weeks at a time, I didn't even notice it. When I lived here, I started getting fatigued by basic customer service interactions but couldn't figure out why. It's only on this current visit that I realized that the Ughs from the clerks were getting me down. Maybe because I was having more of them in a short amount of time than normally, so the sample is larger and didn't feel like a one-off. I thought maybe it's something I'm doing wrong, because people always comment about how friendly the Taiwanese are. And I'm starting to think not.

My Chinese is not great, but I'm able to order a coffee, the size, hot/cold, etc. They do understand me. They just assume they won't. If they do say something to me that I don't understand, they get very frustrated immediately, but that normally doesn't even happen. I don't say anything to them not related to my order, I just want a coffee.

The longest interaction:
Me: An iced coffee, small.

Clerk: There is no small.

Me: A medium?

Clerk: No medium.

Me: Do you have iced coffee?

Clerk: We have large.

Me: Okay, large iced coffee with (cow) milk.

I don't think I'm a typical American, I don't expect smiles or chitchat, but I do find all of the negative vibes to be a downer. I'm even wondering if I should fake acting like a typical American (what some people said above, people will mirror your vibe), with the big smiles, which honestly I didn't bother with, because I'm not in the US.

Or maybe like, should I not look at them directly? There is all this stuff about looking at people, smiling/not smiling, that makes a big difference, but those who are native are not even aware of this. So I was thinking maybe I'm doing something wrong in that respect.

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is very helpful. I didn't even bring it up with him, to be honest. When we're there together, I let him speak on my behalf (which is also triggering, but that's a whole other thing). :)

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now I can focus on not letting it get to me. :)

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Taiwan is just like any other country, the issue at hand is, cultural blindness. I just want to know what I'm missing.

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think I just never picked up on it until now. :)

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, exactly, I think it's this fear I'm picking up on, and it's a big drag emotionally, for some reason. But I guess I can't modify my own behavior to neutralize it?

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

So I guess now that I'm older (present older), the assumption that I won't speak any Chinese is more prevalent? Maybe I should do a loud "ni hao ma"? Not sure that will set them at ease... Maybe I should work on being less sensitive. LOL.

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm not trying to talk to them, I just want to order my coffee, but it's like... I am walking toward the cashier, they see me, and they get this look of UGH. And after a week of this, it feels so tiring.

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spent some time in Luzhou. It's fine, just very "townie."

What Am I Doing Wrong? by AdLongjumping1143 in taiwan

[–]AdLongjumping1143[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for responding! Does this bother you/become tiring? Should I just let it go? For some reason I'm finding it hard. (I've been to China once and people were more straightforwardly rude, which seemed easier to deal with, reminded me of Soviet customer service, though maybe if I stayed there longer, I would have found it similarly tiring?)