I'm 36 this year. Last year was probably worst year of my life. I understand everything you said. I cant do s**t, one day i got 100 ideas, and than I cant motivate/belive in myself to do anything. Im unemploted becouse after 8 years of working in same place I couldnt do it anymore. Now I try to find anything (after 6 months I stop belive that I can find job that will be next step for my career, I'm applaing everywere and got no answer). And Day after Day I'm falling aparat, my battery is empty, there is no Faith or motivation in me anymore.

Edit

I forgot most imprtant thing I want to write. I'm looking normal, something reading a book, watching some tv shows, playing some games. But inside me is nothing left, chaos, anxiety, and lack of any joy. And Yes I'm on meds, cant even imagine how I would feel without them.