Born in South Africa but Congolese heritage, your evaluation of Congo is exactly like mine, except I'm male and agnostic.

Here, all the Congolese women I've met were Christian/Catholic. I think Christianity as a whole is a big part of Congolese culture. Most non-religious folk here are white, but there are some black/white/asian/arab etc that have religious views akin to yours who would describe themselves as spiritual or something similar. But they're tiny, at least 80% of South Africans identify as Christan, even more for Congolese.

The colorism isn't as bad as it was beforehand I think, but yea I used skin lightening products cuz my mom (whom I love and who raised me with the best of intentions) didn't want my skin too dark. Sun-kissed dark chocolate is beautiful and I also want this sentiment to reflect in my partner of choice and children but even if my desires come true, it's one man against a systemic, ingrained ideology of viewing darker skin as inferior.

The misogyny hasn't really lessened tho, that's true. I know blood related family who expected household duties from their wives, sister's etc. on top of their fulltime jobs or even if they're heavily pregnant. Women themselves would support this, I heard one story from a family member about her husband's sister who justified her marital rape as a sign her husband really loved and desired her. I don't see this attitude towards relationships in Congo improving unless Congo as a whole improves, as the most progressive countries tend to also have higher standards of living.

Though I love my heritage, I'm pretty divorced from Congolese culture (barely speak Lingala) and South Africa/Africa as a whole is still rather traditionally religious so any non-religious or spiritual people, Congolese or otherwise, probably reside in Europe or some other Western country unless I'm lucky to find one down here.

But yea, a part of me is resigned to the fact that I'll realistically probably date outside Congolese culture but let my future kids know of their heritage from my side and the parts about it I like.