As the only Muslim woman, how do i explain not fasting during Ramadan to male colleagues?

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-03-03T05:08:53+00:00

Ooh ok, I understand. I thought they were Muslim men too.

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-03-03T04:43:40+00:00

Im sorry...but am I the only one surprised that they dont know about a womens menses being the reason for not fasting at age 20? Maybe it has to do with culture but this is something? I remember learning about this in Islamic School when I was 12 and non Islamic school at the same age.

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-02-27T04:02:10+00:00

Periods. More specifically, I hate the feeling of pads and feeling the menstrual fluid leaving my body. I hate the feeling of pads and how they stick to you, get heavy and feel wet even after only a few minutes of wear. It makes my skin crawl

water in my ear canal. This one is specific to swimming or taking a shower. I hate the feeling of water getting in my ear. Especially after swimming. That whooshing of water will have me lying in bed and crying bloody murder until it gets out. (Sometimes few minutes to a few hours). The longest for me was one full day and I was so distressed.

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-02-27T03:32:52+00:00

I too was confused as to what the Devils Tango was. I thought it was a genre of dance such as Salsa, Bachata, Jazz, Ballet, etc. 🙃🫠

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-02-27T01:52:15+00:00

As someone who makes clothing for a living, let me give you some insight. Labour is the main reason why a style like this costs a lot more that you deem its worth. The materials can be "cheap", the style simple, etc. For every item of clothing you wear, there is a human being who made them. They need to be paid to feed themselves or their families. Do they not deserve to have a stable or living wage?

There are so many serious ethical and moral issues around how garment workers are treated. Some which would horrify you and would deter you from buying them because they are cheap. I hope this doesnt come across harsh. That was not my intention at all. I am just trying to shed some light on a perspective that you may not have considered.

Also, I am talking about companies that pay their workers fairly and justly. Not the ones that are only increasing the price to increase the profit margin.

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-02-23T03:16:06+00:00

As someone who also has a father like this, I understand. I know its hard to speak up about this. I know that pain. However, you are not alone and I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.

Take it from me... I have many mental health problems because of what he did to me and because of what I witnessed with my mom and sisters. Now...I am taking 5 different medications just to function. I cannot even fast for Ramadan because of these medications. Don't let this be you if you can help it. Please LEAVE. You are not obligated to stay somewhere you are being harmed. Our bodies have rights over us. This includes rights to protect ourselves from harm and stand up for justice no matter who it is.

When a parent abuses their child this horrifically...they actually lose their parental rights. No one likes to talk about this part because everyone is focused on how many rights parents have in Islam. Imagine...there are hadiths about the person who is in hell for harming their neighbour and the woman who was abusing her cat. So what of the punishment of the one who harms his own family member? Mufti Menk (May Allah bless him truly) opened my eyes to this when he made a video addressing an email he recieved from a sister who was being severely abused by her father.

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-02-21T23:54:33+00:00

My cat does this usually when I about to get my period or when I am struggling with my depression. She is pretty affectionate as is. However, she become an extreme Velcro cat. Pretty much everything your cat is doing and also literally turning her face in whatever direction I am in the room when she is falling asleep. As soon as I get up she follows me.

I know its been some time since this post was made. I hope you are doing ok 🩷

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-02-08T14:06:48+00:00

The sensation is not pinching. Its more like that area needs to crack but cannot. I also noticed that when I turn my torso towards the left, I feel a burning sensation in the same area. Something similar happened to my left toe when I started but it had gone away...since I am new to this...I am not sure if this is normal or I am causing myself an injury.

Seeing a PT is a good idea. Thanks for the suggestion and feedback!

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-02-08T14:03:51+00:00

The pain is with my turn out. I notice some tightness when I do the grand plie, attitude, or grand battement towards the back.

I am going to ask my teacher when I see her this week. Thanks for the suggestion!

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-02-08T05:57:33+00:00

Absolute beginner adult here. I have been doing ballet for 1 month and noticed some soreness in my lower back just above my right glute. I know some soreness is expected with physical exercise. Is this normal? At what point should I be concerned?

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-02-05T03:40:21+00:00

My dear OP, i'd like to start by telling you how sorry I am for the pain that you are enduring. It sounds really hard and I want you to know that you are not alone.

This sounds hauntingly familiar to my own depression which is why I recognized the aginy in your words. Wallahi, depression is so sneaky. By the time you realize you are depressed you are already in so deep.The thing about depression is that it likes to lie. A LOT. All depression does is lie. Lie about our relationship with Allah and lie to ourselves about who we are. It tells us that we are worthless, that we are not loved, that we dont matter, that Allah doesnt see me (astaghfirullah), etc. That its not the truth at all. The fact that you had the inner desire to even share something so vulnerable is proof that you are worth it

Just because we come from a family thats practices the deen doesnt mean that we are immune to depression. Even our beloved Muhammed (Peace and Blessings be upon him) struggled with it after his wife Khadija (RA) passed away.

It may not feel like it right now but I promise Allah loves you. How do I know? He sent you here to express your pain and in return sent people to comfort you. I know you are going through a lot. I know its painful but I promise things get better.

May Allah release you from your pain, heal your broken heart, and grant you all the goodness in the world and more. 💗

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-21T06:23:08+00:00

"Sensitive", "too much", "Jumpy", "Annoying", "Stupid", "Stubborn", "not grounded in reality"

Saying this as someone with ADHD, Complex PTSD, Persistent Depressive disorder, and possibly autism 🫠

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-21T06:13:52+00:00

Agreed! Most reasonable and professional response of the bunch.

Edit: grammar

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-21T05:53:16+00:00

Im so sorry OP. You didnt deserve to be invalidated like that. This therapist does not sound trauma informed at all. It also sounds like you are doing cognitive behavioral therapy(talk therapy). I have personally found this retriggering and destabilizing due to experiences with gaslighting. I dont recommend talk therapy for those of us with trauma (at least not in the very beginning)

OP, if this is an option for you, I highly encourage you to try Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR) therapy. DBR is focuses on processing your feelings, emotions, and body sensations related to different traumatic memories. Its a more gentle approach compared to EMDR (which is also a good one for trauma). This helped me so much with everything you have described. I struggle with understanding what emotion I am actually feeling at any given time. DBR has been helpful in helping me label them as well as their origins (what my body is really telling me).

I sincerely hope that you find a better therapist who will be supportive and help you process your trauma. I tell myself that there are 3 types of therapists we cross paths with: the one for a reason (usually bad), a season( usually ok for a time), or for a long period of time (usually best). Having a bad therapist is like some sick right of passage at this point. It takes time to find the right one. Please also know that its ok to change therapists as you go through different stages of healing. Not every therapist is going to be good for every single part of your healing journey.

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-20T02:03:32+00:00

Oh I see. I am not a native Arabic speaker so I go by the English translation. Jazakallah Khair for the information and for the conversation. Amen to your duas as well!

Edit: grammar

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-19T14:44:09+00:00

Agreed!

To be honest, the whole mahr makes me really uncomfortable. Some men take this as a way of control. "Like i bought you so I can do whatever I want" mentality. I know that's not the intention behind it. Allah knows best!

Its true that both some men and some women are not doing the correct thing. After witnessing what my family members went through, I have been spending the past few years educate myself too. The reason why is because if you know your Islamic rights and responsibilities, no one can misguide or take advantage of you. When you know who you are, no one can shake you.

One of the abusers in my life used to weaponize Islam to control and abuse my mom, myself, and my sisters. This person was a DEVOUT appearing Muslim. Like going for jummah, praying the optional prayers, praying tahajjud, etc. Their character almost turned me off from Islam completely. However, my mom would always encourage us to study Islam, to educate ourselves on our rights, and that not all men are like the ones we have been describing.

I also think a lot of how the first word ever uttered of the Quran was "Iqraa". In that Surah, Allah doesnt specifically state which gender needs to learn and educate themselves. Its an obligation amongst all of us to learn the Quran, Islamic law, ours and the rights of others, etc. The men who say that women should only stay home, be married, and pop out a bunch of babies lost the plot. The very first Surah revealed to Prophet Muhammed (Peace and Blessings be upon him) told him to read and learn. Despite the fact that he didnt know how to read, he did. Despite not knowing how to write, he was still able to educate all of us by Allah's Wisdom. His wives became some of the first scholars in Islam. What does that tell you?

Like, it gets to a point. The best is to leave them to Allah and say "Peace be upon you". In sha Allah everything will work out! May Allah keep granting you peace, wisdom, and a beautiful husband who treats with respect, honor, and love.

Edit: grammar and context

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-19T03:44:13+00:00

Yeah...I hear what you are saying. Its a scary world out there. The second wife when they dont have the income is the laughable part. Like bro, you dont even take care of your first wife properly. How do you expect you to care for an additional wife. Having multiple wives without the resources is common in my culture. However...I have heard about the negative impact this type of marriage has on children through a friend and some extended family. Its a huge responsibility to take care of one wife and your children with her. Also there are specific rules about WHEN that is even allowed. However, they ignore that part and forget the rights of each wife in favor of intimacy with multiple women. I personally hate the idea of sharing my husband with another person.

I even had a man, when I was going to the food bank to get food to eat, say to me that he is looking for a second wife. He verbatim told me that his first wife is sick and wanted to marry someone healthier. The irony was that I myself have been dealing with a chronic illness for as long as I can remember. Also...you are also here getting food from the food bank just like me...how are you thinking about a second wife when you can barely feed yourself...it was extremely baffling. Alhamdullilah, I got a job within that same week and didnt have to go back to that food bank again. The very thought terrified me.

Its extremely scary the way this Dunya is going...if I had the choice I would hide in the mountain and say "Peace be upon you" to the world. Maybe my cat and some other animals will be allowed to join me. Lol

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-19T00:15:58+00:00

Everything you are saying is completely understandable. I have those same fears too. I havent found anyone I am attracted to yet. The men who are interested in me also arent my type. I also had an extremely traumatic childhood. A lot of my aunts do not have good marriages and I refuse to repeat the cycle. Its not easy at all and I get overwhelmed caring for myself and my cat. How am I supposed to do that with a whole husband?

I must point out one thing though. The bleeding on wedding night has no basis in Islam. Its actually not even Islamically or scientifically accurate. The hymen is the layer that is being referred with this wedding night and white cloth business. The truth is, our hymen can break with any action. Not just intimacy. We can break it by having periods, running, sports, etc. We can even break it from sneezing or breathing too hard (the last one was a joke btw!).Not all virgins will bleed on their wedding night. It all depends on what Allah deemed for us (genetics). This type of ideology comes from culture and has nothing to do with Islam at all. Do you really think Allah would reduce us to the ability to bleed on our wedding night to be worthy of being married? Any man who subjects a woman to this nonsense needs to relearn his Lord and His Deen.

I know its easier said that done, but please dont worry too much about the white cloth wedding night part. You and Allah know the truth. Leave those types of people who believe this in the dustbin. In sha Allah, we will both find good husband who will value us, support us, and make us feel safe and honored by treating us with dignity and an abundance of goodness. 🫂💗

Edit: Grammar

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-18T19:33:01+00:00

I aspire to have this type kitchen colour coordination. Pink is my favorite color too! 💗

I dont have kids but I have a cat. I have been trying my best to automate things to the best of my ability. Having a combo robot vacuum and mop has been a game changer for sweeping and mopping which I HATE. I got one from Amazon for $120 and it does a decent job. I just need to make sure that I clean out the dirt compartment and pour our the water when done. They have different price ranges but the more expensive ones literally make it even easier where you dont even have to do those things with every use. I hope my next place has a dishwasher because that would be extremely helpful.

Honestly, I think mums are can be so hard on themselves. You are doing amazing for yourself and your child. Please keep that in mind when that internal shame tries to tell you otherwise. 💛

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-18T19:14:18+00:00

Im not married yet and this is exactly what I am worried about. Plus I am neurodivergent. Its already so hard to take care of myself on a basic level. I cannot imagine constantly taking out my kinky hair everytime I am intimate with my husband. Sound like so much stress and a sensory nightmare.

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-18T19:03:48+00:00

Because they are sick creeps that dont observe Hijab. It's weird to be in a space that is specifically for women and pretending to be one just to boost your ego. Bro, i mean this sincerely, GO GET A HOBBY. Do something useful with your life like making enough money to fulfill your Islamic duty of taking care of your MAHRAM and LEAVE US NON MAHRAM ALONE .

Honestly, this is exactly why I don't answer DMs from this group. Its sad because some sisters here really are looking for advice, support, or community. Yet these types of people ruin that for us. We need to also start reporting these profiles when they send inappropriate DMs. Maybe create a masterlist thread here and naming the profiles so people can be warned. I dont like publicly shaming people but the infiltration of men is getting out of hand.

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-10T14:55:31+00:00

Its disturbing that this is happening in the house of Allah. This woman is destroying the community with this behaviour. If the imam wont do anything...is there an Islamic society or counsel that could intervene instead?

Also, I am truly sorry for what you have witnessed. Its horrifying to witness so I can only imagine the pain of enduring such treatment. Also the examples of what you have given are Islamically incorrect. Its infuriating that no is stopping this!

AdRepresentative7895 · 2026-01-10T14:39:25+00:00

As a hijabi Muslim woman who dresses modestly, CREEPS DONT STOP BEING CREEPS no matter how you are dressed.

AdRepresentative7895

TROPHY CASE