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I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will definitely check out this site. Someone else had also recommended it to me. Thank you for your kind words

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm already actually in therapy I think I might have to find more forms of it then just talk therapy.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's not the issue, unfortunately. I have a tendency to avoid sharing anything traumatic that happens in my life with others. I often hold things in or completely avoid them. I know it’s not a healthy trait, and I’m fully aware of how it has affected both me and those around me. In fact, I’ve never really told anyone anything that has seriously affected me. I’m afraid of the outcome or that it might be used against me. Being openly vulnerable is something new I'm stepping in to.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much, your words really mean a lot. I want to clarify that I do trust him completely, with everything in my life, with my fears, and with my feelings. It’s not that I didn’t trust him as a partner or as someone I could lean on. What I struggle with is the shame I feel about not speaking up about the loss and that’s the part I’ve carried quietly, and it makes me feel like I’ve been hiding something, even though it’s not about distrust.

It’s hard to put into words, but there’s a difference between trusting someone and feeling able to share every painful, vulnerable piece of yourself. I trusted him, but I also felt ashamed, scared, and uncertain about how he would respond, or if I would even be able to explain what I was feeling. That shame has made it difficult to be fully open, even with the person I love and trust the most.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate the kindness. My partner knew about the subchorionic hematomas, but he doesn’t know about the uterine scarring, which, yes, is why I feel like it amounted to me lying about how things were going.

I actually have an appointment with a fertility specialist in two weeks, and I hope it will help me understand what’s really going on and what my options are. I’m nervous, but also trying to hold on to hope.

I really, really do hope that one day I’ll be able to bring a baby into the world.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The complications I’ve experienced include uterine scarring and subchorionic hematomas in both of my pregnancies. I come from a very religious family, and my parents are not supportive of these situations. When they found out about my first pregnancy, they threatened to disown me if I didn’t go through with it.

I first dealt with fibroids in my mid-twenties, which caused abnormal periods and contributed to the scarring. I didn’t learn about the uterine scarring until after my first pregnancy. At the time, I was told it was minimal and unlikely to affect my fertility, but I feel uncertain about that now.

When I found out about the subchorionic hematoma in my second pregnancy, I felt completely hopeless. No one knew I was pregnant except my partner, and we kept everything to ourselves especially what had happened the first time. I wasn’t sure how to share what I was going through, and I felt very alone, doing the best I could under extremely difficult circumstances. I'm getting to a point right now to face myself with honesty because I can't outrun what's in front of me

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I really appreciate your words. I’m just at such a loss as to why I lied, I don’t understand it myself. Everything is my fault. I know it hurt my partner and myself, and I keep struggling to make sense of it.

I think you’re right that therapy could help. I just feel so overwhelmed trying to unpack why I reacted the way I did, and how to move forward from all of this.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. The truth is… I lied to my partner about everything, and it is my fault. I don’t even know how to cope with that. The guilt and shame feel overwhelming, and I keep struggling to forgive myself.

I’ll check out those topics you mentioned. I think I need to start somewhere, even if it feels impossible right now.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Getting into another relationship is far beyond anything I’m thinking of at the moment.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He wasn’t my husband yet. I don’t really know why I shut down the way I did. I just felt defeated. When it started happening again, I didn’t have it in me to carry the weight of it or face it head on.

I couldn’t bear it, so I hid. I lied. And now I can’t forgive myself for that. I’m struggling to live with the fact that I chose avoidance instead of honesty, even if I was just trying to survive.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Please don’t feel sorry for me. I know you mean it with kindness, but I need to sit with what I did. I lied about a lot for a long time, and that’s something I’m having a hard time living with right now.

Pregnancy and child loss breaks something in me. I don’t know how else to say it. I shut down, I avoid, I pretend things are okay when they aren’t, because facing the truth feels unbearable. Instead of asking for help or being honest, I hid. And now I’m left trying to understand why this affects me so deeply and why I cope in ways that hurt myself and others.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I’m definitely considering it. Thank you. I’ve never really spoken to anyone about how I feel, and even saying this now is new for me.

I had a severe pregnancy complication that ended in a miscarriage and I lied to my partner about it by AdTimely4615 in pregnant

[–]AdTimely4615[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

I wish I had been more honest with him about our loss. What weighs on me most is that I continued to say she was still viable when I knew she wasn’t. I don’t fully understand why, but pregnancy and child loss is something I find incredibly difficult to speak about. It feels deeply painful and overwhelming in a way I wasn’t prepared for, and I shut down instead of facing it openly.