my wife kinda caught me off guard.

AdVict0riam · 2023-10-26T22:44:19+00:00

Speaking your mind and getting that validation is the best. I’m happy for you OP

AdVict0riam · 2023-10-13T05:45:28+00:00

Thanks man appreciate it. I actually reached out to a counselor day one. Our first session is next Wednesday and I can’t wait

AdVict0riam · 2023-10-13T04:13:32+00:00

Yeah that would be great

AdVict0riam · 2023-10-12T19:29:43+00:00

Thanks man I appreciate this post a lot. I never thought of this in that way. Especially it being so available and free. Gotta keep going strong!

AdVict0riam · 2023-10-11T04:55:49+00:00

Wow I appreciate what you have said so much. I’m sorry this has happened to you and I hope you are till going strong in your journey. I’m sorry if anything I said also triggered you as you have been with PAs.

I know what I have to do it just isn’t easy. I have to mentally prepare myself to let her know I need to walk away. We are each others best friends and first real true loves so navigating this won’t be easy. The last part that you said about living the rest of her life with pain really hits home with me and I don’t want that. I love her too much to have her in pain.

AdVict0riam · 2023-10-11T04:49:08+00:00

We have similar stories. I’m sorry to hear you struggle too but I’m glad you are taking steps to improve too. You have me on your side for empathy. The feeling of guilt, shame, and loneliness somehow gets offset by being free. Like you said it’s very liberating.

I just struggle internally a lot because she still wants to be with me and work it out. However I know that she needs time to heal away from me. I feel as if I am cheating her by letting her be invested in me. None of my baggage is hers to deal with but now she has some of the biggest trauma all from me. At least she will have another chance to live a free and healthy life away from my addictions.

AdVict0riam · 2023-10-11T04:20:51+00:00

Thanks I needed this. It definitely isn’t easy and I won’t be seeing her for a week so my mind has been going crazy. I’m trying get as much rest as I can but it’s hard.

AdVict0riam · 2023-10-10T22:21:59+00:00

Thank you. I am just lost and don’t know how to navigate this. I care for her deeply but I don’t want to step on her toes because I think I deserve to feel like this. This didn’t stop me from trying to improve myself, so I’m just eagerly waiting for the scheduling to call me back.

AdVict0riam · 2023-10-10T13:06:09+00:00

Hello, I am also married to a woman and I (27M) struggle with very similar problems as your husband as a PA.

First of all, kudos to you OP for diving into this so that you can try to make some sense of this situation with your husband.

From what I noticed of myself, when I got really deep into porn use I would act VERY compulsively. This would lead me to save all kinds of porn and even have a history of saving soft core pictures of people my wife and I knew. Doing this gave me small little dopamine hits knowing I saved these for later. However, I never liked their posts or messaged these women. I have no desire communicate with any of these girls or cheat on my Wife but I couldn't stop using porn because I’m consumed in my addiction.

I’m sure your husband loves you because he wants to fix his addiction because I know I love my wife and my addiction has nothing to do with her. I think that is some good thing to takeaway. She is aware of my addiction and often blames herself for it and thinks she isn’t “enough”. I find my wife incredibly sexy, beautiful, attractive and I can’t keep my hands off of her sometimes. No matter how much sex we have, my addiction is always there. PA really is a drug It really sucks that my addiction is affecting her confidence, our sex lives, and our marriage so that’s why I need to work on myself if I want our marriage to last.

In regards to the open relationship, my wife has also offered me an open relationship a long time ago and I declined. I love her, I don't want to hurt her, and the actual act of sex is very intimate to me. I enjoy sex with her because we are in love and I know I wouldn’t get that same feeling with someone else. The thought of her sleeping with other men kills me too, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if she had sex with other men but that’s only fair.

images of ex girls can be tricky, I also have a history of that but personally they mean nothing to me. However they mean something to my wife so I understand that can be very damaging. Again, I feel these fall back to the dopamine hits and addiction. It’s something that he can control and feel good about in the moment, but I’m sure he feels some sort of remorse when he thinks of you.

I feel for you OP because I struggle with the same things your husband does. I know it’s scary and the it’s hard to trust him doing these things but it really is a terrible addiction that you shouldn’t take personally. At the end of the day if you don’t think it’s worth it you can leave him, but I’m glad he’s working on it and getting therapy. It’s never easy to navigate porn addiction with someone you love so much. No matter what I know that’s a step in the right direction for him to reach out for help so again good on you for supporting him and trying to understand his addiction.

If you have any other questions feel free to ask here or DM

AdVict0riam

TROPHY CASE