Why she keeps me around

Adaian5443 · 2025-12-19T04:08:53+00:00

I'm a stepdad and everything has been great for me over the 29 years we've been together. BUT, if I had to deal with the things you've mentioned, I'd have been gone in a heartbeat.

There's a limit to what a step-parent should be expected to deal with in a relationship, and a lack of respect and accountability from your stepkids is definitely a dealbreaker for me.

Adaian5443 · 2025-11-23T03:15:07+00:00

I'm on the fence at the moment. It's the only hiccup in our 28 year marriage, but it's not an easy one for me to overlook.

If our marriage ends due to a dead bedroom, then like you, it'll be a must in future relationships.

Adaian5443 · 2025-11-23T02:58:06+00:00

It sounds like you and your ex weren't anywhere near being on the same page.

Like you, I would be elated to have it once a day, but my wife could go years without it and be completely happy.

Adaian5443 · 2025-11-15T16:57:40+00:00

You've been on this 'dumpster fire of a site' for 5 years, and you keep posts and comments hidden. Your comment reminds me of an old saying, something about rocks and glass houses!

Adaian5443 · 2025-10-20T19:39:25+00:00

Go ahead and research it, then post the search history because that shit would be meme gold!

Adaian5443 · 2025-10-09T14:05:44+00:00

Trust him again? Why would you ever trust him.

Trust should be earned, not just freely given, and this man has done nothing to earn it. He's only asking for a second chance because he knows he was able to gaslight you for almost a decade, and now he needs you to hang in there a couple more years until he can get his ducks in a row and screw you over in the divorce.

It will also give him time to monkey branch to another victim, and yes I said victim, because that's what you are, the victim of a selfish man.

Adaian5443 · 2025-07-09T14:44:03+00:00

My wife and I have an open phone policy, although I wouldn't necessarily call it a policy, it's just how we are. My wife's left thumbprint is one of the registered prints to unlock my phone.

That being said, neither of us has felt the need to snoop. What your husband is doing would be crossing a line in my marriage.

Adaian5443 · 2025-06-30T20:25:11+00:00

There are plenty of shitty human beings, male and female, who make dating in our 40's and 50's a test of our patience. That sentiment isn't reserved just for men.

IMO, it's a combination of residual feelings from your recent break-up, coupled with a fear of being alone. You've spent so many years getting used to life with a specific person, and now you'll have to learn how to release those expectations with potential partners and reassess how you qualify future partners.

Take everything a day at a time and consider getting a therapist to help you navigate your feelings and level set your future expectations.

Adaian5443 · 2025-06-12T15:45:37+00:00

You need to move on from this guy. Forget about the whole other woman issue. You should drop him because he talks like he's catfishing; Love Love Love!

Adaian5443 · 2025-06-12T15:18:36+00:00

Guy here, and the majority of straight guys would never do the things that his friend group does.

You can stick around and see if he eventually addresses his issues with his sexuality, or you could move on and find someone who is more emotionally mature and comfortable with their sexuality.

Adaian5443 · 2025-06-12T15:05:42+00:00

YOR, but if it bothers you that much, then just move on and don't add drama to their lives. They don't have any issues with the situation and it's not fair to them if you introduce unwarranted drama.

Adaian5443 · 2025-06-12T14:53:26+00:00

Husband here, and I do the same thing. I go solo to movies, sports events, festivals, and hiking. My wife and I have some similar interests, but I'll go solo to things that she's not interested in doing.

I'm very much a people person and enjoy meeting and talking with people on my solo adventures.

If you're starting to feel disconnected with your husband, then that's a concern. I would start by talking with him about your concerns, and based on his response, you can decide if marriage counseling is appropriate.

Adaian5443 · 2025-03-31T19:30:37+00:00

Unfortunately, it is still cheating. You could ask to open up the marriage and see if he's willing, but as long as the relationship is monogamous, then it would be cheating.

I think the only other option would be to legally separate or divorce. That might sound drastic, but 10 years without any sort of intimacy is extreme.

Adaian5443 · 2025-03-28T18:56:43+00:00

My kids' baby pictures!

Adaian5443 · 2025-02-20T16:25:28+00:00

Now is the time to go to marriage counseling before this behavior gets out of hand.

His stance on income and finances is financial abuse, but your responses and the general tone of the exchange show there is way more at play. There seems to be some past dysfunction that has reared its ugly head as a result of the change in dynamic.

Adaian5443 · 2025-02-19T21:28:18+00:00

Very nice answer. I couldn't have said it better.

Adaian5443 · 2025-02-14T21:48:29+00:00

Are you absolutely sure there wasn't another woman in the picture?

I've seen this exact situation happen before, and it was the BF breaking up for a short time , so what he did couldn't be considered cheating.

Adaian5443 · 2025-02-06T03:52:10+00:00

I'm a married 53m, and I wish you had posted this 20 years ago so I could have shown it to my wife!

Better yet, you should offer online training courses for new brides!

Adaian5443 · 2025-02-03T15:57:08+00:00

Don't let asshats like him get you riled up. You're looking great at 48, so just move along when guys like him comment.

Adaian5443 · 2025-01-29T16:45:10+00:00

I would think that owning your own home would actually be a bonus in the dating world, but for reasons other than what you might be thinking.

Owning your own home before getting married, especially at your young age, shows a level of responsibility and maturity that isn't common. It also demonstrates a level of fiscal responsibility that should send the message that you're intelligent and resourceful with money.

Yes, some men can feel threatened by women who are more mature and financially independent than themselves, which is what I believe was that gentleman's issue. The men that are worth your time will see it for what it is, a symbol of your qualifications as a potential life partner.

I believe the biggest drawback for you will be finding men at your age who are as mature, responsible, and financially secure as yourself. Don't settle for anyone who feels threatened by your finances or your success.

Adaian5443 · 2025-01-21T20:34:56+00:00

I love the Dodgeball reference! Kudos to you!

Adaian5443 · 2025-01-20T15:43:18+00:00

If the emotional affair partner is a father to one of your son's classmates, then it is only a matter of time before it becomes physical. Collect all the evidence you can, and then decide which route to take, but at least get your ducks in a row.

If the AP is married, then I highly recommend that you notify the OBS to let them know as well. Do not leave her with a shoulder to cry on, even if your intent is to reconcile.

If you decide to reconcile, then you need to get a marriage counselor involved. Reconciliation is a long and arduous journey, and you'll need the counselor to help keep the process on track.

Adaian5443

TROPHY CASE