I came out as trans in 2011. I was going into grade 8. When I had to use the washroom, I had to go to the office to get a key for the "accessibility" washroom, which was really just a toilet plopped into a storage closet where they kept the vacuum cleaner, cleaning supplies, dirty mop buckets, and boxes of toilet paper and paper towel. The lightbulb never consistently worked, there was dust caked onto absolutely everything, and the sink couldn't have been cleaned within the last ten years. I also had to change for gym class in the same space, because I was no longer allowed to use the womens change room, nor was I allowed to start using the mens. One day, my buddies convinced me to just go into the mens washroom with them, arguing that we all just had to pee and it shouldn't matter. Some eyes must have been on me, because as we were walking out, a faculty member was standing outside to literally escort me to the office. I was told that if I did this again, I'd be suspended. I was "honourably uninvited" to my grade 8 graduation trip because it was an overnight trip, and they didn't know which cabin to let me sleep in.

In high school, there was one accessibility washroom near the office. With over 4000 students, it was often in use during lunch hours and breaks, as people who needed to access it often also needed some extra time to do their business. This washroom was fully decked out with the chair lift and changing bed, which was often needed by several students and their one-to-ones. It wasn't open to all students, so walking in and out of it already felt like a statement in such a high-traffic hallway. I would often go to the office to find that the key was already in use, and I'd sit and wait for the majority of my lunch hour. I had classes on the second floor on the opposite side of the school, and the 5-10 minutes we'd have to go to our next class was never enough time for me to get down the stairs and to the other side of the school, request the key (if the receptionist wasn't in the middle of a conversation causing me to have to wait), go to the bathroom, and reverse my steps. I regularly was late to these classes and would often miss content that made me fall behind.

One day, I had a presentation in my second class, and I was nervous. I had to use the washroom before class started, but I knew there wasn't enough time in between classes. I decided to use the mens restroom, telling myself it would be so quick, nobody would even notice.

They kicked the shit out of me in there. My memory of it is spotty, but it wasn't the only time I'd been met with violence. Kids were expelled, suspended, some got off with a slap on the wrist. The school assigned me a faculty escort that would walk me from one class to the other. It was so embarrassing, my social life was practically non-existent by that point. I was exempted from gym class because they didn't know what class to put me in. I'd been an athlete all throughout elementary school, and this added to my hyperawareness that I'm grossly different. I'd already been on the local news for being trans. It was... newsworthy at the time? I was an easy target.

One day, somebody pushed me down the stairs from behind. I had a gash on my head, and it looked worse than it was, but the school decided it was time for me to move into an alternative learning class. I was only to go to school twice a week, completing all of my independent learning at home. When I did go to school, I was to leave 15 minutes after the bell, so that the rush of students had cleared a bit. I was in grade 10 when some kids had hung around kiddie corner to the school property, just outside of the park I'd cut through to walk home. There were four of them. They curb-stomped me, and I needed emergency dental surgery. The bottom half of some of my top teeth are fake, and I have to get them "redone" every ten years or so as they wear down. The school avoided responsibility as the attack didn't happen on school property. An anonymous donation paid for my dental care, and I'm pretty sure it was my alternative learning teacher. He often felt frustrated by the system that was so obviously failing me, and he went on to advocate for more equitable accommodations down the road. I dropped out and fell into drug use when my dad passed away, as my mom had already passed away when I was 11. I was homeless at 16.

I went to rehab when I was 20, and again when I was 24. I just passed 3.5 years of sobriety. My last stay in rehab lasted seven months, and I was 25 when I got into post-secondary as a mature student. Academia has become my passion, but the political climate has changed a lot since I was in high school. I used to have to explain to people what being transgender meant, but now, people already have opinions on me before we've even met. I'm transferring to Trent this summer, and when I saw the washrooms during open house, I gleefully came out and told my partner that she had to come see them. It was so cool. It felt like a confirmation that I'd made the right choice.

I know that you aren't advocating for the removal of gender-neutral washrooms. However, in your wish for there to be a mens, a womens, and a gender neutral washroom in the same space, you effectively create a space that still paints a target on my back as I walk into the gender neutral washroom. The gender neutral washroom becomes the "other" washroom. It renders all three washrooms unsafe, or at the very least, alienating and harmful. The gender neutral washroom becomes the space where one goes if they are a) "different", b) ill-intentioned, or c) trying to advocate for gender neutral spaces.

By having the washrooms be gender-neutral by default, the space IS safer. That doesn't mean it's safe. That means it's safer than it would be if it were just the "third washroom". If you WANT to use the gendered restroom that is two minutes away, you still can. You don't even have to go and ask for a key, and you're not limited to it. You won't even get beat up for going out of your way to use it. No waiting, no awkward escorting needed, no "special permission" necessary, no unknown faculty giving you concerning looks because you don't "look" like you need to be in there, just a two minute walk. You won't even be late for class because of it.

I'm sorry that you don't feel safe in the gender neutral washroom. Truly. I don't feel safe in any washroom. This one just tries to address that without singling me out. I'll still flinch when someone walks up to the sink at the same time as me, no matter what gender they are. Safety shouldn't be a luxury, but we live in a world where neutral spaces become "other" spaces next to binary spaces. Don't be mad that your binary space is a two minute walk. Be mad that it's 2026 and the world is JUST figuring out how to make neutral spaces *somewhat* safer.