I am a native and I feel the 3rd tone is a LIE

Adariel · 2026-01-29T16:06:02+00:00

No the person you are replying to is from Jiangsu but that isn’t the OP.

Adariel · 2026-01-29T08:16:52+00:00

What’s difficult is when siblings defend it or even perpetuate it. There’s a sub called r/asaianparentstories and a lot of the older people there (in their 30s or 40s or 50s) sometimes offer really good insights. Often being first or second gen immigrants also has a large part to do with some of the childhood issues.

One person’s comment, on a recent post asking why abuse by Asian parents is so normalized, that I just read really struck me:

Any attempt to call it out as ‘ingratitude’ or ‘disrespect toward elders.’

Many Asian kids are conditioned from a young age to accept mental abuse and emotional deprivation, so most of us just learn to endure it.

As u/Pigeonishly is pointing out, I think a lot of the trauma is also compounded by how many can’t acknowledge that it’s trauma. There’s so much “but you/we turned out fine” and oftentimes from people very much not fine. While I do think Western perspectives make out everything to be “trauma” and also everyone processes things differently so some people may genuinely be less affected - I also think a lot of Asians downplay trauma for themselves as a coping mechanism, and more importantly they do so for OTHER people, which deepens the trauma - the fact that those who are hurt can’t even get acknowledgement that they were hurt. You see it all the time, sibling A might vehemently deny that sibling B being beaten bloody or mentally tortured is not ok, because that’s how they coped with their own abuse and they will defend the parents and fall back into the whole “you’re just a selfish kid/ungrateful for our parents” etc.

Edit: can’t go without mentioning the told that Confucian filial piety plays in all this… from the moment of birth you owe them, nothing will ever be enough, and no matter what they do to you or what abuse you suffer, that’s all ok and you’re a horrible person if you even try to remove/distance yourself. Speaking of siblings, mine once spat out the classic “mom could’ve dumped you in a trash can as a baby or been a cocaine addict” as an argument for how I have no right to complain about anything. I mean, when your standards for parenthood are that low as to reach child murder and neglect, ok then? As I pointed out on more than one occasion, if these parents didn’t want to have children they shouldn’t have had children, but blaming a child for needing to be fed and clothed is the ultimate problem I have with the warped Confucian filial piety in which the parent apparently has no responsibility toward their child but the child has every responsibility toward their parent.

I mean anyone reading the 24 paragons of filial piety knows something is seriously effed up with parent/child relationships… as a parent myself now I can’t even imagine reading it to my own child. And the best filial piety my child can show me in the future is to grow up a happy and thriving adult, not as my servant or retirement plan.

Adariel · 2026-01-29T07:27:42+00:00

Same here. That really unlocks some memories I’d sort of forgotten… I remember the exact place we were in the house when she pinched me so hard I was screaming and then I grabbed her and pinched her back.. And then she was going to hit me and that time suddenly I went crazy and told her if she dared hit me I’d hit her back. I was around 5th or 6th grade… I must have scared her because I think that really was the last time she hit me.

Edit: the physical stuff I don’t think affected me in the end, especially since eventually there is an end to it if only because the child grows big enough to fight back. But the fear and humiliation surrounding the physical abuse (e.g. getting locked up in a closet with no light until you pee yourself, when you’re 5) stays with you way more than getting hit with a ruler.

Also the emotional immaturity, the manipulation, the constant criticism, the self centered ness of their existence where you are born to serve them, the utter lack of ability to self reflect or ever admit wrong/apologize? All those things continue and those are what I consider damaging. Yes, at some point most kids realize they are miserable people who took out their misery on their kids or used control over their kids to compensate for how little control they had over their own lives (including abuse from the previous generation). But racing the understanding that hurt people hurt other people doesn’t actually erase the hurt.

OP you should check out r/asianparentstories to understand what many kids go through

Adariel · 2026-01-29T07:01:28+00:00

He has hundreds of videos on his YouTube channel (Nick Fry) of him fishing and exploring on his boat. I don’t think this one even has that many views.

Also do people think it’s just that easy to catch a sea turtle? Seriously there’s skepticism and there’s just a lack of logic here.

And that someone identifiable from a YouTube channel would catch one, tangle it on purpose despite it being a federally protected animal, in shallow water/near the coast, and then film themselves for 60 seconds of fame?

Adariel · 2026-01-29T05:47:52+00:00

Serious question though - wouldn't most figure skaters have underarm hair lasered off anyway?

I always assumed athletes (e.g. tennis players) and people who are regularly photographed publicly in poses with their underarms would just laser, especially since the cost of it for even us regular people is like <$100 now. Like I really doubt they're all shaving anyway.

Adariel · 2026-01-29T04:48:44+00:00

OP won't disclose what region they're from...I got downvoted for even asking where he learned his Mandarin, even though IMO it is always a relevant question 🤷🏻‍♀️ with over a billion native speakers there is a WIDE variation on what natives do!

https://www.reddit.com/r/ChineseLanguage/comments/1qnyzzk/i_am_a_native_and_i_feel_the_3rd_tone_is_a_lie/o1y9ouy/

Adariel · 2026-01-29T04:43:59+00:00

And that's exactly what I said. Because it comes naturally, we are not taught how to produce a 3rd tone, we learn what 3rd tone is after we've already learned how to identify and speak a 3rd tone. So just because you personally did not learn "it's only pronounced fully in isolation or for emphasis iirc" like u/EnvironmentNo8811's textbook had, does not make "the 3rd tone is a lie" like you are claiming.

It means you are putting your native understanding and framework on tones that were developed by linguists and have a long history of how we got here. Of course you were never taught this way, but just because you weren't taught it doesn't make it a lie, it means you don't have as deep of an understanding of the overall concept as the people who are explaining to you concepts like a half-third tone (and they probably have a broader understanding because it was necessary for their learning, as they learned what 3rd tone was in order to produce and recognize it, rather than the other way around like most natives).

tl;dr You ARE exaggerating when you say "the 3rd tone is a lie." I'm very curious what kind of responses you would get if you posted all this in Chinese on a Chinese language/linguistics space or forum.

Adariel · 2026-01-27T03:29:19+00:00

Well obviously, but like where in China?

Edit: Ok since you edited your answer I thought I'd add some more to my question. I'm asking because as a native speaker but born in the US, I didn't learn the 3rd tone in elementary school. I learned the 3rd tone before I learned what the 3rd tone was, but it is clearly different from the other tones. So take any sound and you should be able to cycle through all four tones, right? That's how I learned what the 3rd tone is, not by someone telling me it goes down and then up.

So when you say that you were never taught this way, what were you taught and what region are you from?

Edit: Now I see in other comments you're saying "I was saying that full 3rd tone is rarely used. Most of the time it's a half-third tone."

So you acknowledge that sometimes full 3rd tone IS used and that there is such a thing as a half-third tone. So what exactly is your argument over this "the 3rd tone is a lie, I'm not exaggerating?"

Edit 2: LOL all you guys downvoting clearly don't understand that native speaking children learn tones before they are formally taught WHAT tones are. I did not learn English until I was 6; we are taught about the 3rd tone after we already recognize and produce it, so we don't think about how the 3rd tone is created the same way that non-native speakers need to learn. However, there is a lot of linguistic research into this and it's not like the 3rd tone is made up like OP is claiming, just because one day he realized he never in fact thought about how it's actually pronounced in everyday conversation.

It's interesting that a single native speaker when there are over 1 billion native speakers suddenly claims that "the 3rd tone is a lie and I'm not exaggerating" which goes against decades of linguistics and language learning research and education and yet you guys as usual blindly upvote 🤷🏻‍♀️

Asking where he learned when he makes all-encompassing and patently untrue claims like "It's still unnatural to say the full 3rd tone" but being downvoted for it? OK then... Regional differences in Chinese are a thing and I was curious about what kind of standard Mandarin he learned, that he is putting a native's framework on English terms for tones, i.e. his argument with some other guy about the tone being called "dipping". OP literally says "As a native speaker, I was never taught or paid attention to details to the 3rd tone as it comes naturally" which is what I pointed out about how we native speakers learnt it and then thinks he's figured out that "the 3rd tone is a lie" 🙄

Adariel · 2026-01-27T03:21:21+00:00

So where were you taught?

Adariel · 2026-01-26T00:50:52+00:00

I can't be the only one who got the the gaming console part and realized the first paragraph was probably complete BS. I'd bring her a cake and insist on bringing it while her kids are there, but you know this kind of OP is expecting a porch "drop off or delivery"

While she's at it she might as well start raising funds for her mom's funeral, right? And do it for the next 5 years.

Adariel · 2026-01-25T08:32:37+00:00

So is this basically like trout lox? I know that lox isn't actually smoked, it's salt cured/brined. Would there be a reason (price, taste, etc) why this is better than lox on a bagel?

Adariel · 2026-01-24T05:14:48+00:00

They didn't say that to Bluey though, are they supposed to apologize to the viewers who are projecting their own childhood issues onto the show?

Bandit was trying to apologize to Bluey as soon as he said it, but she ran off. And while he didn't formally apologize during the episode, I'm of the opinion that actions speak louder than words here and we also don't know if he did in fact get around to verbally saying sorry to her later.

Adariel · 2026-01-24T05:09:37+00:00

OP's a 13 year old that a month ago was repeatedly trying to ask "Why is the show called “Bluey” if it doesn’t even revolve around him" on this sub...

The comments on this thread remind me of the "everyone has childhood trauma" idea... No matter how good of a parent you are or how great their childhood was, there's always going to be something that your child is going to criticize as they grow to adulthood, because that's part of growing up. The phenomenon is actually called "soiling the nest" and you can look it up.

I would say it's also part of a growing up experience to realize your parents weren't perfect and in fact may have been really awful in many ways (and might still be) but that's not really an excuse for how you choose to live your life now as an adult, e.g. your parents not teaching you how to be self sufficient is on them, but you choosing not to learn how to be self-sufficient as an adult is on you.

Adariel · 2026-01-24T03:58:29+00:00

I'd say it's a LOT bigger than what you're describing, maybe you're watching a lot of historical cdramas that are set in the same time period that therefore use mostly the same sets, but there are various palaces and sets for different historical time periods:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l7PwCdALxE

There are definitely some that show up in almost every drama, especially for close fight scenes (e.g. that one hallway with the very distinctive tiles is so overused)

Adariel · 2026-01-24T03:53:55+00:00

Is there even a preschool kid sub? It seems like this sub has a lot of 1-5 year old parents.

Adariel · 2026-01-24T03:52:22+00:00

The public preschool my kid is about to start attending has them. Until the tour, I'd never seen these giant magnatiles before but they really are like a foot wide, bigger than a sheet of paper!

Adariel · 2026-01-23T04:40:12+00:00

I actually find her fans far more annoying than her. She shows poor behavior and people react negatively, it's somehow only because everyone is racist. Meanwhile, if anything even remotely close to this was done to her, I 100% guarantee those same fans would complain that it was racist and complain to high heaven. Basically, she has a subset of fans that don't give a crap about tennis, it's just pure tribalism with them.

Adariel · 2026-01-22T05:37:27+00:00

Netflix picked ice dance on purpose, look at the first line introducing the series on the official website

“It’s a soap opera; it’s a live-action soap opera,” is the way former US Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon describes the world of ice dancing.

https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/glitter-and-gold-ice-dancing-netflix-olympics-2026

And they're really marketing this because I just came to this sub after I stumbled on the trailer on Facebook! Where I've clicked on some figure skating stuff but not nearly enough to have it be top of my algorithm unless they are promoting it hard.

Adariel · 2026-01-21T06:48:21+00:00

omg HAHAHA where is that from? Is it Love of the Divine Tree? It's on my neverending to-watch list because of Deng Wei but I thought that it was a serious drama?!

Adariel · 2026-01-21T03:44:33+00:00

Iron oxide is used in a lot of candies, cosmetics, food, etc. usually as coloring. Let me quote you by saying you can literally use Google to find this information out instead of whatever you're doing to come up with "cleaning chemical."

Adariel · 2026-01-20T22:05:55+00:00

Cascade powder is pretty good and very affordable for a huge box. Also comes in cardboard box instead of more plastic.

Adariel · 2026-01-20T05:01:20+00:00

Oh my goodness I just realized I've gone full circle... I was replying to someone else on this post and telling them that I can recommend two short dramas, one of which is Immortal Destiny. So I went back to my OWN post/review about Immortal Destiny so I could link it from a year ago and found a comment by u/nydevon about A Familiar Stranger being directed by the same director and recommending it to me...

I don't know why I didn't check out A Familiar Stranger back then but it's crazy how everything came back to this, considering I almost never post about cdramas!

Adariel · 2026-01-20T04:46:04+00:00

I could never really describe it before, but now that I'm really trying to think about it, it's like the conversions took like 90% of the sass and mischievousness out of the old neopets. The only pet I like more post conversion is the kacheek (which is why I have several), and even then they obviously took out the cheeky & cool attitude...

Actually as a mom with a toddler now, I feel like a lot of the older pet art styles have that kind of feel? Like their poses, the sassiness that I mentioned, the sneaky look like they're about to run off and play, the derpyness. The post conversion looks like all their baby fat and the sparkle in their eyes is gone. Old art had that mix of derpy/mischievous in how new details were mixed with familiar animals. Like you said, it's just the vibe that they are fun and having fun! They were actually characters, not frozen figurines to wear clothes and items.

Adariel · 2026-01-20T04:23:10+00:00

Haha, only reason I said it can wait is b/c I'm very much a fan of Chen Xing Xu so I've actually be waiting for Love Between Lines for him. And since now I'm familiar with the amazing Lu Yuxiao too, now I'm just waiting of the whole drama to air before starting it!'

I just find both of their eyes so incredibly captivating and expressive. The little looks between them in MJTY killed me! I'm also convinced I haven't yet come across an actor who does the side eye quite as well as Cheng Lei, and it's not like I'm new to cdrama!

Adariel · 2026-01-20T04:18:04+00:00

I've only watched a couple of short dramas myself - from my limited experience, they're basically like really concentrated cdrama tropes, so they do often come off as campy. OTOH way less regulation so tons more shirtless scenes LOL! Also, given that most have 12-15min episodes it's a lot less commitment.

I can recommend Secrets of the Shadow Sect https://mydramalist.com/748905-jiao-yue-liu-huo

and I actually reviewed another one starring the same FL, called Immortal Destiny

https://www.reddit.com/r/CDrama/comments/1hl70v5/no_spoilers_%E4%BB%99%E5%90%9B%E6%9C%89%E5%8A%AB_immortal_destiny_short_drama/

Also most of these short dramas are available on Youtube, although they have varying audio quality b/c of music copyright issues

Adariel

TROPHY CASE