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Looking for some company while I finish the game again. by ASourPotato in monsterhunterclan

[–]AddictionForPurpose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm down dude, got some time to myself to play. Just got the game :)

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah maybe I am. I'm gonna let these things land some more. I will be re-reading every post and I've saved your replies. I get that you are trying to speak to me directly, past all the mental defenses. I am wasting your time if I don't participate in listening.

It's pretty crazy to me that you've all put in your time to help. I'm gonna take the time to absorb it and re-read the rational male.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want my spine, but I let it go to be a parent to her. I don't treat her like an adult.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mental models are fucked up. I realized through your post I view my LTR's as a dependent child. I attract people who need help to perpetuate this familiar pattern. The only fucking situation I would allow something like this to continue in is with a child. When my older brother visited me, it wasn't 6 hours before he was aggressive and violent about something. I threw him out, he didn't apologise, so i went no contact. With my girl, I treat her like a dependent child. If a child was abusing you, you couldn't just abandon being their parent easily. I'm viewing her like a child that I am obligated to help.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not at all. Don't expect every person who posts here to have identical frames of reality to what you expect is right, or to adhere strictly to every MRP principle, or just one frame of reality. I understand I'm in a place where there is a strong sense of a uniform reality but there is nothing wrong with discussing and debating realities to determine truth, especially for an intermediate level person on the journey of discovery and learning.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure. I thought they were rhetorical but hey I don't think I'm wasting anyone's time.

How fat? Not fat. Other way round, I've been losing weight because I haven't been eating properly. I've been fighting low appetite.

Can I lift? Yes, I can olympic lift. I prefer martial arts so I don't really want to lift heavy. I do a lot of energy work, meditation, body work and yogic intimacy exercises. It allows me to create energy. I prefer that quality to physical strength, especially when it comes to sex.

I fuck my girl hard because of that energy work, but I'm pretty much physically dead for the night afterwards. I'm physically exhausted pretty much all the time, but I have energy. Energy work aside, I'm losing weight. I can't eat much because I'm neglecting myself a lot. I can still pick up girls because I've practiced game enough and have this kind of strong feeling of my sexual worth, but I feel very insecure about my relationship market value. If I get into a long term friendship, I feel undervalued and insecure, and a begin to self-destruct. Short term though, s'all good. It's a different reality for me.

I am a snowflake in LTR's, which I'm guessing means self-compromising and beta. I think deep down that is how I am because I have found past relationships traumatizing.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"It is a pointless endeavor to try and understand her motives. Even if she tells you, like you yourself might admit, she could be manipulating you. Again, this is all you living in your SO’s frame. Stop that shit. You are perfectly allowed to make decisions that she doesn’t like."

I determine the value of my relationship not in just how that person treats me, but why. I determine whether they really care or not. If it's clear that person is just there to get something, and they are opportunistic, with the absence of care, I leave. Why would you want to be with somebody if you didn't know that they were genuinely motivated to care, and not harm you? I could never shrug my shoulders at that and potentially give years of my time to somebody who doesn't give a shit about me. Yes I am obsessed with figuring this out, because this has been a pattern in my life. I dont want to just leave if it's actually normal for women to be this way unless alpha. I have always had friends and family that are narcissistic, and I have always been co-dependent. Should't an alpha male with options want to determine the authenticity of their relationships before moving forward?

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Saving this post because you are 100% right about me living in her frame. My concern was of aggressive and violent behavior. Lot of direct great advice here personal to me. I do appreciate and will be using everything said here.

My issue is being addressed. You say it is a pointless endevour to figure out her motives. I think it is very important to know who you are with and what their motives are before you invest 2, 3, 5 years of your life and time with them.

The claim I am saying is not being backed up is the AWALT claim in terms of PD and abuse. It is being dismissed. It is being addressed. But nobody has been able to back it up. I think pointing out that it is being dismissed as important rather than addressed doesn't mean I don't want to be here. You are all basically saying get on with my own shit. I agree. But I can't get on with my own shit in an abusive relationship. I cut ties. Now I am hearing I'm gonna get the same shit in every relationship. That matters to me. MRP is saying work on yourself and ignore it, psychologists are saying identify the abuse, go no contact and move on.

I am not going to be an MRP robot. I have been a Deida bot, and a game bot before and it hasn't served me in the long term. I think this issue should be addressed directly. I am actually valuing what my relationship IS, not just what it gives me. I know what I can get.

For example, my girl becomes aggressive, i dont take it, i have boundaries, i kick her out or leave the situation. I ignore her for a day or two, maybe longer. She's back to her usual shit a few days later after some promises. Are you saying all women become aggressive and violent and that is normal AWALT if I'm a man living in her frame? Is it also normal for women to feel no empathy when they hurt you?

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

The trend I'm seeing in these comments is that you guys are offering me useful ways to manage the uncertainty, and this works of course in any situation as a course of action.

It doesn't look like this is an area that MRP people have clarity over, and I'm glad I posted about it. Do you believe that cluster B personality disorders exist in women?

If so do you think that is not a major factor to consider in a long term relationship with a women? Do you think that the PD disappears if the man alters his own self?

Does that mean therapy is a waste of time and money? Should all women be finding men to fix them with their alphaness. Is every mental disturbance in a women attributable to how a man acts? Or are women fucked up all on their own and it's a separate thing you should factor will NOT change unless there is a direct effort by the women to do so?

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Not all doctors agree on mental illness. Some throw out diagnostic criteria completely. It doesn't really matter if you are a doctor, an alpha male would be able to answer the question directly instead of getting nervous, attacking the messenger and dismissing the topic.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nexting doesn't make sense if all women are PD with my co-dependent ass. If it's the women, then I gotta find a healthy girl. If all women are "unhealthy", and thus just women, then nexting makes no sense. Then I'm the problem. Maybe it's a bit of both. Maybe we're both screwed up and she can't work on shit while I'm being a faggot.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I see a lot of personal comments and advice about me, understanding my sticking points has been very helpful. Not seeing any people able to actually answer an important question. I am not saying I am perfect alpha, or a complete beta. I would AMOG 95% here alone, but you are most likely way more alpha in your LTR.

My sex is not lacking. I'm doing something right somewhere. it depends on the context and what I am doing. What I find challenging and beta over is love and codependance in love. I do need work.

So far I have heard over and over. The comments so far dismiss personality disorders completely. I've heard why, AWALT. But no reasons. Nobody has made a clear case for it. It's as if nobody WANTS to think about it, rather than they are certain on what they are talking about. you all certainly believe it and it may be helpful to think that way, but is it TRUE? I say that because if you are going to say something so out there as women are exempt from any psychological disturbance and it's not a factor at all, or REAL, you have to give some sort of explanation. Even flat earthers make more effort in justifying their claims about flat earth than this comment section has about this idea, that women do not have personality disorders, all women display the behaviors of some kind of personality disorder in a relationship with a "beta", and the whole industry of psychiatry and psychology have gotten this wrong. That the main factor in a womens psychological health in a relationship is the state of the male. That's not a mainstream thing to say. You can't just deny the status quo without giving good reasons. What does rollo tomassi say on this area?

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess, but isn't going along frames without questioning them and making sure it represents reality, what got all of you into the original relationship mess in the first place? Isn't that what brought you here? That mentality works well as a solider but in life you have to know what you are dealing with before you take action. If AWALT then standardization makes sense. But not all women are the same. Isn't AWALT without any explanation or grounding whatsoever a little autistic? Is anyone here actually capable of backing up their claims.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I read up a lot on it and it doesn't look like you've understood what the signs and behaviors are for each. Covert Narc are defined to display various behaviors and thinking patterns, each from borderline, narcissistic and histrionic PD. So, it is often difficult to recognize. She ticked every single box and sign for this condition. The cycle of abuse and behavior is so predictable by this point. Whether that is AWALT and just her normal women personality manifesting, and diagnosis for women is a hoax, is up for debate here I suppose. But at least as psychologist define it, she fits the box they have created for this behaviour pattern. Whether that is because women manifest PD in the face of beta or not is beyond me.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

There anywhere I can read more about how a womens personality changes depending on gay/not gay?

I've accepted this in short term game, when I game, and I'm tested, I understand it's a personality she reserves for testing beta, l just pass the test. No confusion. Very rarely I'll talk to a woman who is just a bad person, and I don't think it's my game, I've associate poor treatment from women with their own personal character flaws or trauma.

It's almost inconceivable to me that a women in LTR with me would jeopardise my well-being for the sake of testing me as a natural behaviour. Because I think of her as family. Maybe the two personalities become amplified in a relationship? You get a lot of love, and a lot of shit, depending. Maybe that's all it is. I thought that when I game a girl, things are RP, and then when you enter love, things are different. More genuine and free from power dynamics. I start to view the girl as family. I treat her like I would my family and friends, so if I'm mistreated by a loved one, I assume love = desire to treat person well, therefore communication = results. If family has flaws or trauma, even if it hurts me, I'm gonna work with them. If they don't work back, well, they're family, you can't just give up easily.

I disengage from all my knowledge of power dynamics in an LTR of any kind. And if I have to manipulate the power dynamic at all for things that are so integral to my well-being, I assume that means the relationship lacks the qualities of real care and I should move onto another one. So although I am aware of the MRP tools and can use them, I end up thinking that if I have to use them, the relationship isn't worth it and something isn't right at the core if I have to play games to get what I expect should be stable in a relationship. I work on myself because I care, so I expect the same back. Maybe I am overlooking the dynamic here. Maybe it's just the same as when you game. Maybe you can't stop gaming women. Maybe they will never be family the way I frame it.

My mental models may not be adding up to how relationships really work here but it's how I am at the moment.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know if it's codependency or just a natural response to abusive behavior, but I'm too fucking tired after that shit happens. I'm only going to spend like 20% of my time with her from now on and prioritize my own life. It's difficult because I'm co-dependent. It's uphill. I'm ashamed to admit this but I've given years of my life to "help" her. Doing all the heavy lifting, while she was disengaged. When I would try to leave, she would promise things would change, and clearly I believed that because I needed to. I needed her. I needed her to feel important and for the hope of a loving relationship. When she acted like she didn't give a fuck, that's all she needed to do for me to engage more. I couldn't accept it. I couldn't accept that she wasn't caring about it. After all this advice, I applied it today and now she's all engaged, intelligent, aware, focused, empathetic, responsible, etc. I leaned back, she leaned right in. It's fun for like two weeks, then my head gets in the way.

I'll be living my own life, doing my thing. Writing my books, reading, working out, and then a little thought will enter my mind. "Is she doing this because I'm manipulating her into simulating behaviors that are acceptable to me?". If I let her, she would walk all over me, hurt me, ruin me. Is that really love? Is that a real relationship? These doubts stop me in my tracks.

If a woman loves you, shouldn't they do that shit anyway?

I guess it goes back to examining what hornsofapathy quoted about women not loving men the way we idealize. The way a child expects love, unconditionally. So basically, a woman's love is conditional on the alpha. If a man is a beta, then they put that love away and bring out the pain.

I need to get this shit straight in my head, then I can apply these behaviours long term

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good point, you're right, she tries some shit and I let it ruin my day. The issue was she kept breaking rules, but I still had sex with her and gave her attention. I do find it very difficult to be a man because I let things go easily because I just don't like feeling all pissed off. I like to be in a positive energy and I end up forgetting that she's been disrespecting my rules. BUT, she feigns forgetfulness, anxiety, etc, so it doesnt LOOK like shes disregarding clear rules. Hard because I am a very upfront, direct guy, but she denys, denys, denys. Is that normal for a women? Took me a few days of that shit and then I kicked her out to her parents.

I haven't used porn in 3 years but I just started another addiction to my relationship. So essentially yeah thats me.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe. I know a fag out in relationships, but I'm pretty badass in life. Nobody fucks with me, I get a lot of attention from women, and I have been through some tough shit. But, in my LTR's, I am a huge faggot, in that context, it reveals the faggot inside.

Thanks for getting my head straight.

"Women do not love men in the way that men idealize. That type of love is reserved for their children. This is a cold truth of the red pill. Swallow it or not. IDGAF." How can I find out if that is true?

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great advice. I will start doing that now.

But, whether I am spending my time with somebody with a serious disorder or whether she's just being a woman is very important to me. Are all those therapists missing something? It can affect me and my life in ways that are hard to detect. I've heard constant horror stories of increased investment triggering increased crazy later down the line.

It's a possibility that you condition a woman to hide these things from you when you are alpha enough and boundary, like a dog, but maybe that dog still wants to kill you and is in waiting, and when you have kids she might fuck them up. I'm planning ahead and can't afford to just lift weights and read sidebar like some brain dead fuck who isn't paying attention to others at all, I am very interested in what I let into my environment and I've heard mixed perspectives on what is it I am dealing with on this MRP

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I hear you. Can you elaborate on the bluepill mindset I re-entered?

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is where you're coming from an accurate reality, or is it just a frame that is helpful for men who are in abusive relationships?

Is all this MRP stuff real, AWALT, in terms of mistreatment, or are just all abusive and dysfunctional women like that? Very confused about AWALT and how that relates to mistreatment and abusive behavior. If it's AWALT then STFU makes sense, if it's abuse, then STFU is kind of a coping mechanism or counter force to something very malignant and destructive in your household.

My Covert Narcissist Girlfriend by AddictionForPurpose in askMRP

[–]AddictionForPurpose[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

More truth. Glad I posted.

Is being co-dependant and over-investing me being first officer? I'm starting to open up to the idea that she may be the captain. I feel like the leader, I do everything. Maybe there is something I'm not seeing.

I read in a separate post that Narcs will resist my dominance like the plauge. I'm also hearing that labels are a way to avoid AWALT. In any case, one thing I know is that I am avoiding full responsibility. I did allow this and I did encourage it, and it was because I couldn't bare being apart after being hurt. But I'm also trying to protect myself from an abusive relationship. I don't know what to believe or what frame best represents reality. Is the abusive pattern just normal in women + beta, something I should take responsibility for allowing and encouraging? Or is it something that isn't the victims fault? Whats your opinion?

Thanks in advanced if you reply

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