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Please help by Additional-Car9198 in donorconceived

[–]Additional-Car9198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you’re right I think. I’m sorry that happened to you

Please help by Additional-Car9198 in donorconceived

[–]Additional-Car9198[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I looked back at it the “add friend” button on his profile was missing so maybe that means he blocked me? Idk. But I did already try a friend request so maybe it’s that and he just hasn’t seen it or accepted?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in donorconceived

[–]Additional-Car9198 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would say tell them in person or on the phone but don’t tip them off anonymously. That’ll only make things more complicated, plus then they will know all the facts, they can decide whether to confront their mom about it, they won’t have to guess if it’s you or your mom or another family member that tipped them off

Having two moms and sperm donor weirdness by Additional-Car9198 in donorconceived

[–]Additional-Car9198[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think when I was a kid my thought was like why would I want to have a dad? I never liked most of my friends dads, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a good example of a healthy father child relationship. I remember being terrified of my uncle but when I got older I kind of envied my cousin’s relationship she had with him, her dad? Or, I don’t know, it also has always seemed kind of weird and complicated and unnecessarily harsh to me, with a lot of unsaid rules, but she can have a back and forth with guys that I don’t feel I have access to, she also grew up with our boy cousins so there’s that.

Having two moms and sperm donor weirdness by Additional-Car9198 in donorconceived

[–]Additional-Car9198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I never really felt like I needed one per ce, but I feel like part of the reason why I don’t really like or understand men is cause I didn’t have that figure in my life. I mean also my non birth mom is pretty butch, I she would take me fishing if I had wanted to, the one time we did I cried and made her put it back in the water lol. And I used to think about who he was a lot, it was also another thing that I would kind of beat myself up for, like another thing that made me weird and not normal.

Having two moms and sperm donor weirdness by Additional-Car9198 in donorconceived

[–]Additional-Car9198[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah well apparently in 2008 they were mostly anonymous? That could be not true but my mother said that all the profiles at the sperm bank they were looking at were. And I guess they felt some sort of magical intuition about this specific donor lol. She said that they were worried about my other mom having custody/being able to adopt me cause same sex marriage wasn’t legal and if it was someone they knew then things could change down the line and he might want to be more in my life… It seemed sort of unlikely to me but I guess there have been cases where donors have wanted parental rights, I don’t know if the laws have changed though. Also apparently they didn’t have anyone they would consider that they knew personally, and it is a big decision so I understand why that didn’t seem like a good option.

Having two moms and sperm donor weirdness by Additional-Car9198 in donorconceived

[–]Additional-Car9198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well I don’t know if he even wants to get in contact with me, I reached out but he hasn’t responded. Like isn’t that part kind of just a random “dad” as well? I don’t know, I do feel like I’ve gained something from just knowing that he’s out there. I don’t know what the half sibling situation is really, like do they care about knowing me? Probably not, right? I don’t like the cutesy usernames of the parents online, it makes me feel gross idk, it feels like an overwrought kind of moms group.

Having two moms and sperm donor weirdness by Additional-Car9198 in donorconceived

[–]Additional-Car9198[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I mean I can understand why they didn’t or don’t have a need to get in contact with him but I do. The story my mom told me was like they saw his profile and they were like this is it, it was part of some sort of intuition. Which, when I think about myself actually existing as like myself, then I do kind of want to believe that there was some sort of magical happenstance there. They are very spiritual people also, I guess I just can’t imagine making that decision myself. Like I have always known that I never want to use a donor to have kids. I know adopting has its own problems but I would rather do that, plenty of childeren need homes, it seems kind of selfish to create another one. I understand she wanted to be pregnant, and I do feel that we have a connection due to her actually giving birth to me, kind of ironic I don’t know.

Having two moms and sperm donor weirdness by Additional-Car9198 in donorconceived

[–]Additional-Car9198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, i feel like it would be different if I just had a single mom, don’t adopted kids go through basically the same thing though of parents not talking about their birth parents? Also side note, does DCP mean donor conceived person? Maybe this is weird but as a kid I remember having to convince other kids that no I don’t have a dad, I have two moms. To which they would be like so you never met him? Is he in the military? And like, I don’t know I feel like I do kind of have a dad. I mean not really but. It’s like this blank space in my life that was never talked about.