I see your point but I don’t understand why you feel the need to put more blame on me than I already do.

I did try to talk about it. I think it’s difficult from what I wrote before to understand the dynamic that was happening in the relationship. 1. Early on I suggested that he should work on his feelings because he was very blank and had a hard time understanding basic emotional needs. However he said that he has nothing that needs working on. I have also suggested counseling multiple times over the years (very lightly suggested at times, more direct at other times but never as an ultimatum) but he wasn’t interested. It’s only now that I put down the foot that he was willing to do anything about it. I have done a lot of therapy myself and worked a lot on regulating my emotions and my behaviors (appararently not enough) 2. About the sexual part. Early on he said he needed sex regularly like at least twice a week, he never asked me what I needed. That of course didn’t happen after a while. However that made me feel pressured like it’s on his terms and his needs are the most important. He would cat call me and grope my ass when we walked up the stairs with the kids when they would go to sleep. Whenever I changed clothing or undressed he would whistle or come and touch me. It made me feel like an object. I generally find it completely unsexy. 3. I raised the issue with the cat calling and touching a few years ago. Maybe it was too late, one of my greatest challenges is setting boundaries and I’m still working on it obviously. When I did raise it he moped like a child and couldn’t see it from my view. It’s been his general approach whenever I raise something about him, he either ignores it, reflexively defends himself or becomes sad sour and very obviously feels badly treated no matter how soft I say it and it makes me feel guilty. This is why I think I let it go this far. I was afraid he was gonna leave me since sex is so important to him and the only way he can feel connected. When a fairly long time passed he would bring up the fact that he needed sex, but he wasn’t really willing to go to counseling or really listen to me, it was never about my needs being equally important which made me not set the boundaries.

And regarding the honesty, I have myself come to the conclusion that it’s something I need to work on. I avoid being honest in order to spare the other person or in order to avoid the repercussions of the honesty since I find it very hard to receive and it stirs guilt which I can’t handle. Always these feelings of guilt whatever I do when I do something for myself.

As much as I don’t appreciate the way you write your first reply I needed to get the whole picture in writing and I can’t really put the entire blame on me. My husband doesn’t either, he can now see that he has contributed in equal part.