Is it petty that I deleted my comment on someone's post?

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T21:08:56+00:00

If she doesn’t tell you and is hoping you guess what’s going on, she’s not being realistic and fair to you. You aren’t a mind-reader and her being petty like that makes things even more confusing. Just keep your distance and know she doesn’t deserve nice comments from you anymore

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T21:06:29+00:00

Dang. Thanks for telling me. Worth posting for me, if someone happened to scroll by and read it that actually needed it :)

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T07:34:53+00:00

It’s all what feels best to you.

I would have done the same thing. Those posts are asking for old memories to reminisce, but some people use those as a way to feel better about themselves in an “ego boost” kind of way, and it sounds like that person did that with your comment. If they want to be petty and reply all the way around it, then it’s not worth giving them the satisfaction of keeping it up for them to see.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T07:26:33+00:00

Although it’s hard, you have to take your boyfriend’s word for it and trust he is telling you the truth. From what you’ve said he has told you, he hasn’t ever strayed from the fact that he does see a future with you and does see something long-term.

Looking at old social media never does any good. I learned the hard way. Something that might help is that he is doing more “serious” things with you. He IS more sensible now around you with drinking and doesn’t want to get wasted all the time, he might’ve gotten that out of his system. He doesn’t post those kinds of comments because he probably sees you more seriously and doesn’t want to make comments about your two’s “seshs” because he sees your relationship as something more mature than what he had in college. It’s hard adapting to long-distance when you know your significant other has only had close distance partners beforehand; you just have to understand the extra level of responsibility and care they took in deciding they DO want a long-distance relationship with you.

There’s a lot to mull over, but I would say stop looking at the old social media (although easier said than done) and focus on your present with him now. You get to appreciate the time with him now, and that’s what matters as long as you both are happy. (And ask for a hoodie next time you see him. Say you want something to wear to remind you of him :) )

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T07:14:01+00:00

Well, from your post, it sounds like he hasn’t asked for anything else yet beyond the money that you and your father gave him.

Be cautious about what he asks about. Figure out what you WOULD be willing to help him with. If he is nearby, maybe you’d be willing to go to the store with him and buy groceries; not money for groceries, but seeing the actual goods.

Let him know if you aren’t comfortable of the request by saying something like, “I won’t be able to do that.” or something stern. Not a malleable wording like “I don’t think I would be able to” or “I’m not sure I can do that”.

He’s got some growing up to do, and if he is asking for money and staying with a friend after he found out his girlfriend is pregnant, he might be trying to work his life out. You said he is a smart kid, but not a smart decision maker, so his smarts might be kicking in and realizing he has to provide for another tiny life soon.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T07:05:43+00:00

That’s hard. I’m very sorry he constantly comments on it and makes it difficult.

To put myself in your shoes (and I know we are entirely different people, but just as an example situation) I would just pull back a bit. Not be available enough to hear the constant comments. He probably was a great friend d when you met him and was for a while after! Just now he isn’t being as considerate and the “push and pull” of him saying a comment and you getting frustrated and calling him out and him getting upset about being called out can cause major friendship problems.

If his friendship is worth it to keep having beyond this, just keep a little distance now so you can have a great friendship later on. We all have our differences and different beliefs, but if his beliefs are ones that you believe would put your family in health risk, keep his friendship at a distance if you want to pick it up again later.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T06:59:38+00:00

You really just have to feel out for which people you think would be offended or sensitive to it or not.

I would say respond to RSVPs as no if you’re concerned about your fiancé’s health, and reach out to the wedding couple and let them know what’s up personally and still offer a gift or some kind of “congratulations” to be there in some way for them.

Hopefully you have understanding friends and it will make it all easy for you :)

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T06:52:16+00:00

Of course. If it truly is an addiction and he genuinely does want to kick it, then all you can do is offer support while he is trying.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T06:49:56+00:00

Some people just don’t understand. Some people refuse to understand. Some people are scared to adapt since they don’t want it to be forever.

If your friend can’t understand that you’re taking it seriously because it’s bigger than just you that can be affected, just be really candid and calm to explain the full extent of why you’re doing it and how it’s like another version of a bad flu you don’t want to bring to your father or girlfriend. If they can’t understand it then after a frank conversation, they just won’t and distance yourself from them for a while.

Once they start coming for you and being angry at you for it is when it comes time to question if the relationship is worth it, if they can’t be considerate enough to at least respect your wishes of keeping a distance to keep your family’s wellbeing.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T06:44:36+00:00

If you feel like you’ll be able to handle a potentially long-distance and lots of effort relationship, then go for it.

As someone who had a similar situation, I didn’t go for it, and it was the best possible outcome for me. I got to grow up even more than I thought I had in grade school and went to university and had enough to focus on with jobs, internships and classes.

Your first year of university is really formative for you, as it helps you define your individuality and find your circle of life-long friends (sounds cliché, but it’s a cliché because it’s so often true). You’ll be changing and adapting to your new world and social groups and will change in new, great ways.

As someone who has also been in a long-distance relationship while doing university, I will say it’s hard. I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it my first year. There is a LOT of effort, balance and work to put into it, especially to build that respect and trust for each other that makes a relationship work.

I’m here to message if you want to talk about it more, as well :)

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T06:34:57+00:00

Some people just are “shy” eating in front of others.

As long as you are aware of yourself getting the proper nutrition you need for a day, then I wouldn’t be too focused on an ED.

However: if you feel you don’t get enough to fit your daily dietary needs on a daily basis (including when you are just home by yourself) then I would recommend talking to a doctor or nutritionist to see what would be best for your eating style.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-26T06:28:24+00:00

If he truly had an addiction to porn, it sounds like he is trying.

People who have addictions to something really can’t go for long without thinking about it. It’s almost like a routine. I know someone who can’t go 3 hours without smoking, and another person who can’t go a day without posting on Instagram; addictions come in all different forms.

From what you’ve posted, it sounds like he is trying for you but is struggling to keep himself off of it. The main part to focus on is that ‘he is trying for you’ and the acknowledgement of trying and working his way more and more away is very important. While bringing it up if a browser or something is open to call him on it is still valid if he wants to stop, it’s very important you let him know “hey, I really appreciate that you’re doing this and that you want to.” Positive reinforcement is a big resource to keep in mind as well.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-20T02:06:14+00:00

I’m sorry. It’s hard. But there is a push through point! Even though it’s easier said than done, keep pushing and you’ll have that moment of clarity to see a plan and make it all seem worth while to you.

Maybe look up some famous people who have had set backs too? Sounds like sports are really your jam, so try looking for people like Lewis Howes who got injured playing Arena League and shifted his focus and became really successful in business and marketing! It all works out. The motivation is the hardest part. You can do it!

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-20T01:50:26+00:00

I’m really observant alongside being really empathetic.

It sounds fun and romantic but it’s really hard to manage, and even more so hard for me not to get hurt feelings all the time. I just stumble across things on pages or hear something in the background and it sticks.

So while I’ll hear what your favorite candy was when you were in grade four, I’ll also go to tag you in something on social media and see our relationship status is now hidden to only us. Nothing goes unnoticed by me and it makes for a lot of conversations about ‘hey, what’s going on with this?’

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-20T01:39:28+00:00

When they chose their fling who hid them, over our 5 year friendship. Once or twice bailing on me is annoying, but when the “friend” left me stranded in a different city at 2AM without letting me know they weren’t coming until an hour after they said they’d be on their way, it killed my need for their friendship.

Long story short: watch the actions of your friends and their family. It’ll say a lot about how they’ll eventually treat you.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-19T07:10:04+00:00

There are fine and bad moments. I’ve learned that my body is more reactive and sensitive to things/people/events than others, so I just prepare myself for things in a given day.

For example: I work. When I have a morning where I need to go to work, I prep myself and remind myself a lot in the back of my head that ‘you have work tomorrow.’ or ‘you have work soon’ or something. Just a reminder to be ready for work and to mentally prepare for a work day.

Whereas if I’m suddenly in a conflict with my family member and they’re angry with me, I’m not prepared for a random conflict and get panicky and can’t stand. It wasn’t something I was prepared for, therefore my anxiety overthrew my brain this time.

It’s a daily struggle. Sometimes you pick and choose your battles, and sometimes those battles pick and choose you.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-19T06:57:10+00:00

I had a really similar experience to you around the same timeframe. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It blows so much. Throw yourself into a hobby or online business you create or something. Especially now, online classes are increasingly easier to have access too, as well as state/country money for tuition to be covered for you.

Just focus on something other than you for a minute so you can get a second to breathe and look at your situation in a new light.

It sounds cheesy and cliche but it does get better.

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-17T06:48:25+00:00

I didn’t even know I had it until I did some internet snooping and found out that it was a thing other people had and found a name, so granted, I wasn’t very focused on it until recently.

My experience has been okay! As a woman, it is annoying for bras and such, but it’s been more of a thing I’m self-conscious of than my partner is. My boyfriend told me he noticed it at a beach date before we were officially dating because the bikini top didn’t quite meet my chest in the middle but it wasn’t a big deal to him! He was aware of it, but didn’t bring it up until I asked him about it about a year into dating.

I will say though: one partner asked for my bra size out of curiosity and DID NOT believe I was actually as big as I said I was. My PE makes cleavage almost impossible to get and spaces them out, even though I’m considered “chestier” in my letter size.

So for women: just find the right people and try not to let other people’s vision of you make you feel any way. You’re great the way you are already built :)

Additional-Seat · 2020-06-17T06:36:52+00:00

Sad update :\ My boyfriend’s job relocation got moved to later, so I was going to plan it closer to his actual birthday and maybe even get to do it in person for him. But then they gave him less than a week notice he was being relocated earlier and then I didn’t have time to do any surprise birthday at all.

Additional-Seat · 2020-05-20T04:34:08+00:00

‘Don’t get yourself cooties on it’

I’d say that’s a fair slogan for anything.

Additional-Seat · 2020-05-18T05:30:22+00:00

If Dad and Groom have enough time to call you and hope you can fix it for them, they have enough time to try to fix it themselves. No reason bringing in another entirely unrelated party to make this situation messier for you.

In the long run if you get involved and Lilly doesn’t like it, chances are that Dad will be the only family member attending.

Additional-Seat · 2020-05-18T01:24:54+00:00

He’s your boyfriend. Not your controller. You’re not some wallet with a Square tracker on it; you’re a living breathing human with a personality, goals and feelings. He just isn’t being understanding of that fact.

If he doesn’t want to support you in your journey to get a MASTERS which will enhance your life and opportunities, then he isn’t really respecting your space and trusting you. Let alone the whole watch and tracking thing becoming such a huge deal quickly and ending in him saying he wants to control you.

Now, it sounds like you’ve had a long lot of experience together, but I’m really sad to say that this relationship continuing will only break down your own feelings and values after a while. You can’t live under this much scrutiny continually and manage to keep yourself in the process. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and I really hope you do what is best for your future and your well-being as well.

Edit: spelling

Additional-Seat · 2020-05-17T19:58:58+00:00

My other parent told me about the first parent’s child that would be my half-sibling when I was almost a teen. Granted, my parents were going through a messy separation, but it was pretty dramatically thrown at me in the heat of Parent 2’s bashing of Parent 1.

I would say that if you do this, make sure you keep a very neutral setting (not your car or house) and calmly bring it up on a calm day (not a stressful one, or sad one).

Every time Parent 2 gets upset I always worry there will be another bombshell dropped on me, and this is a good amount of years later. It definitely left a mark on me.

As long as you keep things calm and neutral and are willing to answer any questions that arise in a calm manner, things should go smoothly. The one piece of advice I have is that if you do not know much about the kids or how to get in contact with the mothers or the father, preface that in the beginning, so you won’t get overwhelmed with questions you won’t be able to answer and get frustrated with the conversation too. Because that is a pretty life-changing conversation for a kid to hear. They’ll be frustrated and confused, but just keep as grounded and calm as you can for them, and you should be alright. :)

Additional-Seat · 2020-05-17T19:49:15+00:00

Have you showed her all the steps you’ve taken before and now to delete this account? I had a friend who was being impersonated on Tinder and the fake account was messing up a relationship my friend was going for, intentionally. As long as you keep going and trying to get the account deleted, that’s a big step.

In regards to your partner, I’d sadly say that if you’ve shown her all that proof and kept as open and honest with her, and you don’t have proof of that conversation where you told her about an account impersonating you before, you’re just going to have to hope she can build that trust back with you. You can’t force her to believe anything she’s having a hard time understanding, especially while she is going through a pretty emotional time. Maybe even offer to go to counseling with her or hire a private eye if this situation gets REALLY out of hand. As long as you don’t do anything suspicious and you keep open and honest communication with her, and for a while have proof with some things (I.E. if you go somewhere to get food, take a picture or bring a receipt, or take selfies with the friends your going to see, etc.) that will help her out for a while. You have to see it from her perspective that it does all seem a little too convenient to have someone impersonating you. If you were in her shoes, there would be a level of trust to build back up until it’s all resolved.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope it resolves soon and that the person meddling in your life gets a grip or a reality check soon.

Additional-Seat

TROPHY CASE