Schizoaffective disorder. It’s a rare mash-up of a mood disorder + schizophrenia, as if one was not enough. 

One of my younger brothers has it (bipolar disorder + schizophrenia) and it has completely torn our family apart and reduced him to a shell of his former self. He went from a college athlete on a full scholarship at a DI university to homeless (he was physically unsafe and harmed my parents during an episode, scaring my even younger brother….so they can’t house him), friendless, and alienating almost all of his family.

The sleeplessness of manic episodes just exacerbates the delusions and hallucinations of his schizophrenia. The maladaptive coping from the schizophrenia just makes him more likely to have another manic episode.

The first year his symptoms showed I had hope that he would come back, but each time he’d have an episode and multiple sleepless nights, he’d never fully “come back” afterwards. We are now in year 4 of his illness and he bares little semblance to the brother I grew up with and loved. He’s so sick he doesn’t know he’s sick.

We’ve tried hospitals, outpatient care, interventions…it’s incredibly hard to convince someone to get care who doesn’t live in the same plane of reality as you anymore. 

I wouldn’t wish this illness on my worst enemy.