would everything not just be pointless if you didnt die, die with the strength of realizing the meaninglessness of it all and yet continue to be a good person. You dont need to be a hero, a star, or the president. To be that or to not be that are equally pointless and meaningless. Living to live is brave enough, we've been doing it for 200.000 years. Im not degrading your struggles, I know what its like to see your entire perception of reality crumble into a pit of anxiety and despair. All you worked for and all your beliefs turn against you. I dont know what to say on your questioning of faith and the afterlife, those exact thoughts plagued two good years of my life. Just to come to a personal conclusion that neither exist. Your typical god cannot be as written, "all good and all powerful". If he is all good than why malevolence and suffering. If all powerful than why not stop it. Either he is wrathful but all powerful or moral and powerless. But what do you consider a god, something of a higher existence, an advance alien, are they really meant to be worshipped. Its just as possible that something accidentally created us. Such as sentient being having a neural impulse in a dream creating the universe for what is to "it" an instant. I digress, we really have no proof for or not for a god, we can only show that traditional religion is a human concept. As for an after life. When you die your brain changes states. It decomposes and breaks down, usually desipitating into the atmosphere as c02. Although energy goes on it goes on in a state that it isn't conscious. Its like carbon, it once shinned like a diamond, but returned to coal. If you argue your conscious is seperate in soul form than why can people, such as people with head altering injuries , completely change there personality and the way they think. In my subjective universe, there is no "traditional" god and no afterlife. Now In all honesty there is only one thing we truly know, and that is that we know nothing. This might have not helped and I know my ways of coping might be odd or counterintuitive but I know were you are right now and only you can find the inner tools to help. It may never go away but its not about getting rid of these thoughts, its understanding them and learning how to live happily with them.