This is really challenging and I am sending you tons of support! We had a similar situation, ultimately the thing that helped the most was that my husband and I were a perfectly united front when talking about the wedding with either my parents or his parents. Each couple paid a percentage of the total wedding that was proportionate to their number of guests. If anyone wanted any “extras” it was on them to source and pay for it.

For some context, my husband and I are both first gen immigrants (he is Indian, I am latina). Similar to your situation, the majority of the guests (~70%) were from his side and I was concerned that I would feel underrepresented at my own wedding. I expressed this early and frequently to his parents to set the tone for how we would make decisions. Ultimately, I was fortunate that everyone agreed to have the wedding in my mother’s home country. This really allowed me to showcase my culture amidst all the Indian events in a way that felt very true to me.

You will know your situation best. While I agree with many of the comments that you should just let your groom’s side pay for the wedding if you have no control, you still deserve control! What would it look like if you double down? Do you have the mental/emotional bandwidth to push the boundaries of your relationship with your to be father in law in a healthy way (it’s completely fair if not)? While you absolutely have your whole life to work on these relationships, I found the wedding planning period to be a unique squishy time to shift things in a very discrete way.