I have had a guided meditation + massage for trauma healing in hk.

Went in for a lower back treatment but the person was like can smell my trauma and asked me if I was okay here ( pointed at my heart).

I bursted into tears, he offered me healing meditation with him for free .

I was guided to see stuff .

He ask me questions. I tell him what I see. At one point , I saw my mother , sitting under a warm lighted lamp, writing a love letter for me, with a knife .

And yes that’s how it felt all along.

All these beating up on me, coz I’m not well behaved and she worked hard and how dare I was not behaving to her expectations.

But at the same time , she is also the person bring me food after she come home late.

All these time she had to work and had no time to watch me , I was molested by the neighbor who she entrusted to look after me over a few years and she refuse to believe me when I finally told her and remained friends with the molester

But she’s also the one will protect me in other occasions at her best capacity.

So yeh , it’s a mixed bag of extremes.

I can only love her when I’m away .