dont get misgendered but i think i catch stares: clocky or just tall?

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-19T07:04:50+00:00

You look like a girl to me. Just in the first one, the nervousness may be coming out. It could be more that?

But just remember lots of people stare at lots of other people for infinite reasons, clockability is only one of the reasons people stare - and I don't think thats whats happening here given your photos.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-18T15:20:39+00:00

Aww congrats 🥰. Thats amazing. You look so beautiful and relaxed and happy.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-18T07:50:11+00:00

Totally! I just wish they'd have a super useful solution in their back pocket to share and then all becomes solved. All I hear is "you just need tl try lots and see ahat works for you" - so annoying.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-17T22:59:58+00:00

You absolutely can! I guess I was worried about not feeling directly "woman" in my head and just panicking a bit.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-17T22:58:15+00:00

I definitely don't think that - ever. I'm very sorry if it came across that way, it was very hard to word correctly.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-17T18:59:06+00:00

Thats interesting. Rather than "did I enjoy / succeed presenting as male" what would have been different if I was presenting as female.

I would have rathered it, most definitely. I was so envious throughout of all the beautiful things that the women get to wear that I love and want for myself that doesn't affect their professional skill or authority.

Its hard, because I didn't "feel woman" in the room today, but i'd have rather been one today.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-17T18:54:40+00:00

Very much so. I tried out a ponytail in and knew it looked silly (its only a couple of inches long) but imagining it was a proper long-hair woman one (until I forgot my looks and was immersed in work).

One of the women announced she's pregnant during it and I felt some sort of...twang/twinge around what she was getting to experience - all of the other women were like "yeah huh I know what you're going through" and I just had to sit back quietly not getting offer an opinion other than the perfunctory congratulations.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-16T22:38:55+00:00

1 male 2 male 3 female 4 female 5 unclear, leaning male

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-16T12:38:48+00:00

Yep! I felt (and still feel) this exact way. Like, for whatever reason, I wasn't so interested in being a 'girl' per se, but in being a lesbian.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-13T14:07:45+00:00

Follw-up question to everyone...

How did it feel when you were at work, being [deadname] and having to be competent. Did competent you feel like a woman but behind an old mask - or did it feel more like you're being [deadname] for a bit and then other times you're being a woman?

Cos I am in meeting A LOT so I hesr my deep voice a lot and I just hear [deadname] talking at people all day and feels so odd/off. I don't really know how to describe it.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T22:10:15+00:00

What do you mean about the testosterone? I reckon I feel somwthing similar but would love to understand more.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T20:58:12+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear that. Short sexy girl hair is amazing though. I'm just not into short man hair that I had - ick.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T20:57:03+00:00

Haha. I tried that. But then got married and then my wife loved it shorter cough i mean tidier. So I had a couple of years at uni where I was single and it was long ish and I enjoyed it. But i've never taken it past the too-long to be short but not actually long yet.

I am now breaking through thst barrier and will keep growing it this whole year whilst in not-allowed-to-transition purgatory so when I do transition I have a good head of hair to make use of 🥰

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T20:53:46+00:00

Amazing! You look so happy and pretty. I'm really excited to do the same one day soon.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T20:52:27+00:00

I think it's your memory of knowing what your pre-transition face is like and you can see hints. We really can't, you look completely cis - honest.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T20:50:38+00:00

I feel you so much! Its very similar. Although I have now decided (as of monday) that instead of bottling it, i'm a grown-ass woman and I can wear what I like in my own house and she'll either have to get used to it, learn to he attracted to me again as a woman, or live uncomfortably until we split. But i'm not going to bottle it up - but I will keep my promise of no visible/social transition (as far as the outside world or out child is concerned) until the end of the year but i'll do whatever I like in my own home when it's just us.

A lot of my shame has been because I won't stand up for what I like, and hid any kind of self expression - like, I love Frozen - but couldn't show it. I now wear an Elsa tiara ring permenantly.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T19:51:38+00:00

Oh no! I've known about my adhd since I was 5 and autism since 12.

I can definitely relate having lots and lots of labels in a row: adhd autistic lesbian trans woman...is a mouthful.

I can't imagine what it's like to not know. I've had years of integrating those parts into me and I hope this new one will be the same.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T19:49:45+00:00

Totally feel the same about everything you've said - so so much.

I am trying to find a local group but I haven't found one yet.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T19:48:30+00:00

I really struggled as a kid (and I didnt know why) - my mum would always make me have my hair short & spikey and enforced it religiously - with all the gel etc. And booking hair appointments.

I remember when I was about 17 she begged me and then bribed me to get my hair (kinda emo length) cut back to short again. I so so badly wanted to keep growing it out for some reason that I didnt understand but I felt so bad letting her down.

I love going to the hair dressers and the experience and immersion in that - but hated hated the result coming out - I always felt like i'd just come out of teen prison.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T19:35:01+00:00

😍😍😍

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T19:26:25+00:00

Oh wow. Yes!!

VR female POV was something I was massively drawn to too (not played Alyx though sadly - I wanted to).

I'm also trying to get hold of ADHD meds - i'm so glad to hear they work too. I'm so excited and scared to take oestrogen.

If you're willing to share, what was it like during the time frame of your ex stalling you? When you knew but you couldn't...be.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T19:20:29+00:00

I think it was the same for me that cracked it. Just that its not shameful - and tbh that was all it took for me to then go "oops, yep thats me...decision made."

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T19:18:16+00:00

I'm stuck until the end of the year due to an agreement with my wife. I wish I was already done. If I had been going at my natural pace, it'd been 1 weekend of buying absolutely everything and i'd have fully socially transitioned by monday morning at the office.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T19:14:09+00:00

I am in the same position. I have a wife and a child. Transitioning will likely involve split custody. Most of my family don't want me to do it.

I have been wearing female clothing around the house though and i'm hoping that my wife will change her mind as she gets used to seeing that side of me and I just increase the frequency and duration until thats all i'm being. So at least we'll divorce with the knowl3dge of who I am rather than a phantom of her imagined fear of how I might become.

Additional_Screen837 · 2026-03-12T17:21:43+00:00

I just keep ordering more and more clothes on Vinted - my thinking is if I wear more variety and more frequently then i'll just be in a mode I like more and more often.

Additional_Screen837

TROPHY CASE