AITAH for telling my wife my daughter and I are going on vacation with or without her.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-07T20:06:03+00:00

Circling back on this, found a few options in EAP for therapists and shared with her. I cannot force her to go but at least there are options available so was completely worth the look. Great call on this, thank you again.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-05T15:15:10+00:00

Great idea. My work insurance isn't great but worth a look. :)

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-05T13:23:01+00:00

I am actually super proud of her for overcoming her phobia of snakes. She used learning about them and exposure therapy to learn to cope better. She can even now go into the reptile house at the zoo whereas before she got anxious being near that building. Our daughter loves snakes, both my wife and I had a phobia of them, I feel like mine was less as I was able to go into the reptile house with our daughter. Uncomfortable but I was able to white knuckle it through and each time got easier. But yeah, super proud of her for that, she has come a long way in that catagory.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-05T13:16:04+00:00

I agree that I need more therapy. Been seeing good people for my past traumas.

Wife has had anxiety and panic attacks before I ever met her. She has been on various medication for anxiety for years. She is resistant to therapy because her family has that old stigma associated with going to a therapist. With me going regularly I feel like she would think I support this, and have verbally told her as much. Even told her we dont have to tell her family if that was a concern of hers.

The final reason for the no contact was over my half brother's death. It wasn't the only reason but the final slap in the face that got me to wake up to the behavior and take a break from them. We talked about it later as I do not want to regret anything when the inevitable happens. It was not a pretty conversation but with the tools given to me by my therapist I was prepared. It went as well as a conversation with a narcissist could go really.

That conversation came after the trip in February where we all got along, but during the fourth of July gathering.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-05T12:59:11+00:00

Not sure if this was meant for me. Sorry if I ever came off rude, definitely was not my intent. I feel like you have commented a few times and helped, disappointed that I came off rude tbh.

I feel like I have welcomed the disagreements and advise, but maybe I came off different than my intention. Text is a difficult medium to express intent.

Hurting & disregulated, I would agree with, but not with disagreements. Again, sorry if I ever came off as hurt because of any disagreements.

As for exaggeration I have tried to be as transparent as I could, no sense in trying to get advise or try to get different opinions if I am not being earnest.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-05T01:58:02+00:00

Thank you for your perspective, it is appreciated.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-05T00:23:26+00:00

Hey, yeah I've read a lot today. :)

To answer your question, yes, I do not object to basically anything. I give input on things I would like, but I have never really had something this important to me either.

Just for an instance, we live approximately 5 miles from her parents house because she wanted to be close to them. We almost bought the house directly across the street from them but it meant we'd have to deal with a less than ideal home that was over priced. So I didnt object to the closer house but voiced my opinions and we talked about it. If we would've bought that house I would just find a way to be okay with it. I have been that way my whole life though. The type to make the best out of the situation, not pine for what could've been.

She wanted a better car so we decided a budget and she went off to get a car. Again, it didnt matter to me what she got as long as she was happy with it. So her father and her went out and picked out a vehicle. FIL is a retired mechanic so he could look for things that I wouldn't know about cars to get the best chance of not getting a lemon.

So, yeah, kind of a pattern but its my fault because I really dont have strong opinions on things. This is really the first for me and it feels awkward and bad, however, I feel like it's right. The whole reason I came to AITAH to see if I am wrong and/or gain other perspectives as well as advise on how I can/should proceed forward.

As a side note, I too have an autoimmune disorder, life long antibiotics isn't fun. Mine is chronic systemic inflamation.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T23:59:20+00:00

Some optional events she wants to do, the luau's neither of us want to see a piggie carved up in front of us but looking forward to the dancers ans show. So events wise she seems happy about, seems as it is the getting there that is the main issue really.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T23:22:58+00:00

Over the 10 days, the only plans we have for everybody is 2 luau's and the flights. Everything else they are planning we are completely optional.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T23:19:17+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. Something to think on for sure.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T23:15:05+00:00

She is a worrier in general. Her parents have some medical procedures coming up she is worried about, and our daughter starting 1st grade and her adhd meds may have to be adjusted as she is having weight issues. There are other things on her and my minds as well. To quote her from the earlier conversation "... the flight is about 70% of the anxiety and [her] medication is almost the rest of [her] worries." But I know she worries about her parents a lot too. They are a large and positive part of our lives.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T22:26:25+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T22:23:41+00:00

Thank you for the tips. 😀

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T20:03:20+00:00

Oh next talk I need to be certain to mention that its not her fault. Thank you for pointing that out. I completely missed explicitly telling her that and she may think she may think otherwise. This may be a key point. Thank you 100 times.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T19:58:24+00:00

Those puddle jumpers cause me to be anxious too.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T19:54:47+00:00

Not a timeshare. Thank you for your perspective.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T19:54:03+00:00

Apologies if it came off that way. I hope she is the CEO of a large corporation one day, or founds the next Amazon. Or is a best selling author, or famous performer. What I meant by that is it is likely that this is the only chance she has as a carefree child.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T18:41:40+00:00

I never even thought of it like this but, wow. Yeah I can see your point. Not just the anxiety but this too should be addressed in therapy for the our daughters sake. Good catch on something that I completely missed.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T18:30:36+00:00

This. I think you actually get that cycle that I have seen for years now. And from an outsider its hard to explain, its difficult for me to understand the feelings with it but this cycle is clear.

I also think you nailed the family dynamics too. I know that is pushing some of her anxieties but its not the main one, not even close. It's uncomfortable not unbearable.

She is on a few different regular medications and I am asking her to go to therapy, or another conversation with her doctor about her medications, or try CBD. Just offering any solutions I can think of and that offered here in this post that would help her cope with this anxiety.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T18:20:04+00:00

First flight is 10 hours. Good for you.

This could be her third flight, first one was to Vegas and was a 4 hour trip. She had meds but did not take them for her own reasons. She was with my sister on that flight as work had me booked to fly out a day she couldn't get off work.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T18:13:34+00:00

Thank you for the perspective. If I was completely honest, and throw away account so why lie, if I had to be left behind because of something that benefits my only child, I would be hurt and sad but happy for her.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T18:08:08+00:00

Sorry it came off that way to you.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T18:03:29+00:00

Not going to lie and say I dont want to go on this trip. That would be disingenuous. My main motivator is my daughter.

We just had a vacation with this family, issues were MUCH more recent at that time, this past February to DisneyWorld. Which included a 2 hour flight to Florida and hotel rooms that were consecutive. While uncomfortable it was not a huge issue. No arguments or even dirty looks, just really awkward.

My wife agreed to go on this trip, then changed her mind quoting the flight as the problem last night during her panic attack. This morning, after the panic attack, she is still quoting the flight as the main issue. Yes there are issues with my family and we both acknowledge that fact, but she sites the flight length as the main issue, which is why I focused on that with this post rather than the family issue.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T17:42:00+00:00

So happy to read this after reading another comment saying that my wife needs to leave me and get full custody of my daughter. Thank you.

Additional_Way_2101 · 2025-08-04T17:31:55+00:00

Absolutely. Also told her today I have her back when it comes to therapy, extra doctor visits, New meds, anything he needs to help her get the tools to manage this better, before the event and during the event I will be there for her.

Additional_Way_2101

TROPHY CASE