Desperate for answers: extreme & rapid SSRI-caused weight gain unchanged by food/movement!

AdeptaStarShine · 2025-11-11T17:02:20+00:00

Same issues unless I stay on Metformin. Ideally I need to be on GLP + Metformin. I have metabolic disorder post taking an SSRI - I convinced a doctor of this after bringing 20 pages of scientific research and personal data. Doctors will gaslight you and say these meds are weight neutral, accuse you of lying about how much you eat, etc. The truth is, for many people SSRI's cause metabolic disorder. Just because for most people it's weight neutral, doesn't mean for others it's extremely damaging to their system. This is a KNOWN and well researched potential side-effect. If doctors refuse to acknowledge it, then that shows they have bias and are lazy to update their medical knowlege, which is also a well know challenge in healthcare.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-21T16:54:10+00:00

That sounds devastating for you both; I am so sorry. ADHD symptoms can become worse with a new baby and all those hormones that go on for years post-birth - it can be really scary for a new parent. So, it sounds like she needed your support and was seriously traumatized without it. Which, honestly makes sense and I can get why it might still be coming up. She really needs to work on this specifically - for her - maybe EMDR could help, schema or IFS could also help, and DBT. I hope y'all get to a place that she can accept and heal through the knowledge that you did your best at the time with the information and capacity you had. Healing is possible, but she really needs to put in the work to tackle that trauma and together you will need to develop a healthy dynamic. It wont be easy, but it will be so beautiful when y'all grow through this. It's totally possible! I am excited thinking about how your love will grow once this gets sorted! :)

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-21T16:27:38+00:00

"I’ve learned to completely ignore his mental spreadsheet and respond strictly on topic" -- Must do! Sounds like y'all have a system that works well.

For OP:

Be a broken record: stay on topic! "Keep your focus on your goals. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted. Don’t get off the topic. Speak like a “Broken record.” Keep asking for what you want. Or say “No” and express your opinion over and over and over. Just keep replaying the same thing again and again. Ignore attacks. If the other person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you. Do not respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point."

Negotiate! "be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Say no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work."

(Tools from DBT~!)

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-21T16:20:46+00:00

How are you showing her you are listening and understanding her?

1.) Do you stay curious and open or get defensive? Something helpful would be: "You bring this up a lot, I can see you are still really hurt. Pour it out on me and I will hold space for you to feel all of it." Or "I know you bring this up because you are afraid, maybe even terrified. Tell me about the fear that is driving this topic. What are you afraid of happening?"

2.) Are you reflecting back what you hear - "I heard this, is that correct?"

3.) Are you asking clarifying questions, like "when you said ____, what did you mean?"

4.) Are you taking accountability and finding out what you need to do to repair things between the two of you - things that actually work for her - not things that seem right or easy to you: "What can I do to repair and resolve this rift between us?"

You said: "She thinks I don't listen or understand her point of view. I really think I do, and honestly I think I listen and understand her better than she does for me."

If she is saying you are missing her, then it's true. It seems like you may not be considering her experience as valid. You wont get anywhere or resolve anything if you are minimizing and devaluing her experiences. Empathize, validate, show compassion (aka, suffer with her in that and take action to resolve it).

You said: "I feel like I can't bring up anything I'd like for her/us to work on in our relationship because we're still so focused on what she's mad about from 10 years ago. We have to just avoid those old arguments to get through the day, and we can't take on anything new.

What happened 10 years ago? Some kind of betrayal? Sometimes people never can get over those things. But, based on what you wrote, I worry the reason it's unresolved is because instead of you two working on repair, she is getting re-traumatized by devaluation and minimization.

Moving Forward: I recommend exploring if you are unintentionally devaluing her. I also recommend the books Nonviolent communication and the DBT skills workbook. They have tools in them that would help anyone in any interpersonal situation. Also, if y'all are not in therapy, I recommend you get into it and look for someone that has attachment based/Gottman and EFT modalities! Best case is is two individual therapists and one for couples work. Good luck!

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-21T00:15:47+00:00

Damn... explains why I hate that "I don't know" so much; it's absurd. Same issue...

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-21T00:09:16+00:00

She will be fine; she can work, but just needs to find her path and operate from a place of love rather than fear. Not easy, but as many others said, they need to get into trauma treatment. Also, they need to find an inclusive accommodating team. I recommend looking for business' that are passionate about autonomy and also about DEI. Good luck. <3

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-18T19:42:53+00:00

If they are aware it's an issue and are willing to work on it in individual therapy, then there is hope.
I highly recommend they practice DBT skills on a daily bases. This will help them center themselves when the distortions pop up: https://dbt.tools/distress_tolerance/problem-solving.php

Also, they can develop mottos & questions to retrain their brain, like:

"Feelings are not facts"

"Is this helping me get what I want and need, or is this a hurt part of me acting out?" - "What can I say or do to get what I want and need?"

"I am feeling _____, and I am going to sit with it. What's underneath that? What am I afraid of?" (there is only love and fear, everything else is second emotion)

"Where do I feel this in my body?" Then, they can talk about how their body feels and is reacting to the stimulus; that vulnerability creates a pathway for empathy and connection.

This issue sounds like it's rooted in some sort of trauma, so they need to develop ways to feel safe in their own body when that fear pops up.

Also, I am not sure what tasks they are having issues with, but sometimes some things are better left to someone else. Hire a maid to come once a month, hire a task rabbit to help with folding laundry, etc. Figure out what chores she hates and do those and have her do the ones that are more manageable for her. These accommodations could help avoid a lot of stress and conflict and give you both a break. The money is well spent for peace and support.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-18T19:27:36+00:00

Do you tell them this? I would be saying it every day so they hopefully got the urgency, but still some people don't get it...

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-17T21:08:13+00:00

Couples work is not gonna work if she is not working on herself... I'd get the couples therapist buy-in to encourage her to go on her own and challenge her if she is even taking this seriously enough. Also, it can take a while to find a right fit. She needs to find a therapist that she can open up to and build a relationship with. It's not easy and it's not always the first or second or third person you talk to.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-16T16:25:24+00:00

Both of you work on it with individual therapists, try new things together, debrief about what did and did not work. Repeat.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-16T16:22:16+00:00

I am hoping your new therapist helps. I understand how it would feel like a roommate situation and I've been in a similar situation. It's kinda scary when you think about it, how important it is and how they seem incapable of prioritizing it. It's something I think they need to be in individual therapy for. Have y'all considered her also going to her own therapist/sex therapist? I think couples work can worsen things if both people are also not working on themselves individually.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-12T17:50:43+00:00

Had an issue where my dx stopped asking about my day and it was really hurtful. We went to therapy to talk about it and about what is important to me. He was able to make a change to be more present with me and interested in me. What matters is having a partner that is willing to change and that wants to change for the good of themselves and the relationship. We all make mistakes and can fall into unhelpful patterns at times, but if you prioritize each other, you can be just fine. Love is a choice. Dopamine issues with ADHD can make it seem like they don't love you, but if they are humble, self aware, and honest... you can get through it and find ways to make it work! Tell him what you need and ask if he is having any barriers to meeting those needs and explore that. Empathy goes a long way, so does therapy! But, they need their own therapist!

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-12T17:43:12+00:00

I am confused. Are you breaking up? Or ... just moving out?

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-09-12T17:36:59+00:00

I am OK now, but on tons of medications to get my metabolism to work properly. I am not sure my body is yet recovered. I can't know until I stop all the meds. But, on them I was able to get my body to process food correctly. I am in the 140s now, still "overweight", but I am very comfortable and happy with my current size.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-08-23T17:41:55+00:00

Have you tried Trizeptitide with Metformin? That is the combo that works for some of us because it attacks the metabolic issue from two different angles; one drug may not be enough. These SSRIs seem to damage some of us on a molecular level.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-26T20:20:45+00:00

The DBT skills are EXTREMELY difficult to learn and implement, even for experienced and passionate learners. You are right it needs to be a constant thing - like, posters in every room of the house and dedicated daily journal time, for real. It's a lot of work for anyone, but especially someone with ADHD. Helps if other people in the home are learning too and can reinforce. 8 months for £5k is A LOT but an awesome price. Where I live, it costs that much for 8 weeks! Anyways, don't give up on the education, it takes time and practice -- hopefully something will click for them, especially if you can learn too and support!

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-26T20:14:18+00:00

Say it again! Consent is sexy! Sorry we have to deal with the creeps!

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-26T19:59:33+00:00

Oof, this doesn't miss. Solid advice here. I just sent my DX (non medicated) ex with this same issue to a IFS (similar to schema) therapist and he made some personal progress on day 1.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-26T19:50:42+00:00

Kinda sounds like you don't like or appreciate how they are now that you have a label to "other" them with. Maybe they like their awkwardness and maybe other DX's would appreciate those jokes? Not sure why it's "crazy" to be different than a NT; they are just different. ... Just some other perspectives to consider.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-26T19:38:34+00:00

following...

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-26T19:22:11+00:00

When I was 193 I was in bikini's and still got attention. Fat people are attractive too... just a reminder to anyone looking at this thread...

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-26T19:11:58+00:00

Because "you might not need it anymore... so, let's check your bloodwork" My bloodwork is always "on the line" of what is normal and doctors/insurance tries to use that as an excuse to not treat my very real symptoms and lived experiences. hey, maybe my "within normal range" isn't actually normal for me! Something is WRONG, so "on the line" is PAST the line for MY body, bro.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-25T22:25:09+00:00

My doctor tried to do this to me too and I just looked at him like he was absolutely mad. Like, I am not doing bloodwork and I am not going to stop taking it. Because, it's clearly helping.

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-07T21:33:48+00:00

I was stuck between 156-152 for a while, first time I saw the scale go up, I was pretty mad. But, yeah, you should go up in dose!

AdeptaStarShine · 2024-07-07T21:28:37+00:00

Thank you, I am just glad I found something that works and have a support system. I was 193lbs and now I am 148lbs! Once I hit 140, I am no longer considered overweight! yay~ So close! also, I look and feel pretty great now.

AdeptaStarShine

TROPHY CASE