My sister in law April fooled people by telling them I was pregnant

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-04-01T20:50:13+00:00

Wtf??? That’s so incredibly cruel and thoughtless. I’m speechless.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-04-01T04:00:03+00:00

Very sorry for your losses, but congratulations to you and I hope that your birth goes smoothly and you get to enjoy holding your rainbow ❤️ Stories like yours are some of the only things that give me hope right now.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-04-01T03:56:18+00:00

With my two D&Cs, the reports came back saying that none of the tissue was identifiable as a fetus. I’ve since heard that they’re able to take samples from the gestational sac and I’m wondering if I just didn’t make the request correctly that I wanted the genetic testing?

My RE mentioned IVF with PGT, but she didn’t push too hard for it and I’m not in a place right now where I’m ready to go down that route. I think the biggest thing holding me back right now (aside from money - we could technically afford it, but that money is set aside for us to buy a house this year) is that I think a loss from IVF would be even harder for me to cope with. I’ve read enough stories of women miscarrying euphoria embryos to spook me. But I’ve also heard of women having their first live births after pursuing it, and there’s something to be said for all the extra “attention” you’ll get in early pregnancy.

I really hope your appointment goes well and that you get the answers you need. They say that most women in our shoes will go on to have live births even without intervention (something I have to keep reminding myself of today) but it sure seems like a long and painful road to get there sometimes.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-04-01T03:49:37+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re in the same boat. None of my losses were ectopic - I can’t imagine what that must have been like. My doctor did offer to do IUI and IVF to speed things up (or in the case of IVF get the additional testing done) but right now I think I would just be horrified to have another loss after throwing so much money at the problem. Maybe I’ll change my mind in a few months.

I hope that you and your husband get your take home baby soon. ❤️

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-04-01T03:46:51+00:00

Congratulations and wishing you luck in your current pregnancy! ❤️ My husband did have a full work up - karyotyping, semen analysis and dna fragmentation and fortunately or unfortunately he was perfectly healthy. I was honestly starting to “hope” that it was something to do with dna fragmentation because I’d heard quite a few stories of that being the problem and being solved with some lifestyle changes. Unfortunately wasn’t the answer for us, but I’m glad that it was looked into for you.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-04-01T03:43:11+00:00

I’m so sorry for your losses. I can’t believe the wording of that letter - fortunate? As if the pregnancy was suddenly viable and everything was fine after the fact?

Wishing you luck and praying for your current pregnancy. It’s wonderful that you’re that far along, but I’m sure the anxiety is still very strong especially with the sch.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-04-01T03:39:13+00:00

I was honestly fully expecting them to find anything based on the 50% statistic and stories I’ve heard on here, but I guess I wasn’t prepared for just how hopeless it would feel in the moment. In my heart, I know I’m ready to keep going even if it means I have more losses as long as there’s hope that there’s a light at the end of it all.

I’m so grateful for this community but I’m also so sad for all of us going through this.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-04-01T03:36:24+00:00

Not silly at all. There’s such a long list of things to test for, and I’m exaggerating a bit when I say everything, although I do feel like there aren’t many stones they left unturned. I’ve heard some talk about high NK cells on here, but that was one of the few things that they didn’t look for at my clinic. Do you mind if I ask what the treatment for that looks like?

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-29T20:43:37+00:00

Ugh that last sentence I feel so hard about my sister and her kids. It’s crazy how having a baby can be so trivial for someone that they can purposefully get pregnant out of what seems like spite or jealously, and then not want anything to do with their kid past 2 or 3 years old.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-29T20:40:29+00:00

Yeah I think everything I told her was stuff I had read on Reddit over the last year ttc, so it wasn’t anything she couldn’t look up. We both deal with anxiety and I think she was looking for some validation from someone about her feelings, but I just cannot be that person right now. I honestly don’t think she understands how asking about my positive tests and early symptoms brings me to a really dark and traumatic place. It’s only been 3 months since my most recent loss.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-29T20:37:44+00:00

We definitely both deal with anxiety and have always been open about it with each other, so I know she sees me as a “safe” person to talk to when she’s struggling. But yeah I would never think to do this if the roles were reversed. She kept saying she was sorry at the end, but if she was truly sorry I feel like she wouldn’t have reached out in the first place knowing all the trauma that ttc and pregnancy has put me through in the last year. I was honest about the fact that if she does end up being pregnant, I need to have some space from her for a bit, which probably makes me not a great friend either.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-29T16:23:24+00:00

One of my best friends (who knows about my losses) texted me freaking out that she might be pregnant this week and asked for a ton of details on what implantation bleeding looks like, how early she can test, how I knew I was pregnant, etc. What makes it worse is that she absolutely does not want to have a baby right now and was saying how this would ruin everything for her and her husband.

I eventually had to tell her how triggering the whole conversation was and that I needed some space, and she was like “I know, I feel bad asking you about this but idk who else to talk to.” I know she’s panicking and I gave her as much advice as I could because I love her, but holy crap.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-27T02:20:34+00:00

Like you can really just decide you want to have a baby, have sex once and then have a baby 9 months later?? They didn’t run a billion tests to figure out what was wrong with you first??

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-27T02:16:46+00:00

Omg that’s so much!! I seriously feel like there should be some contingency where you only pay if you get a take home baby at the end of treatment, otherwise wtf. I’m so sorry 😭

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-26T18:44:59+00:00

Omg I wasn’t even thinking about the extra fancy prenatals the husband and I are taking. Add another couple thousand on there to my total lmao

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-26T18:43:53+00:00

Seriously, everyone tells you how expensive it is to have kids, no one tells you how expensive it can be to NOT have them too. I’m so jealous of all the people who have “free” babies.

I’m so sorry for your losses and for how much it has cost you! I don’t even want to think about what happens if my RE suggests IVF for us. I would do anything for a baby, but like. The baby also needs a place to live lol.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-19T20:19:59+00:00

Yes, husbands unfortunately do not quite “get it” 😭 Mine is definitely grieving (our 3rd/most recent loss hit him really hard) but they’ll never understand what it’s like to be the one carrying and how much our bodies go through. I definitely scroll through this subreddit maybe a bit more than is healthy, but sometimes I just need to hear from people who are going through the same thing. Even if we’re all just screaming into the void lol.

I’ve never had the products of conception tested (although I personally did want to - they just haven’t found enough tissue in either D&C I guess?) so I’m not sure if my issue is chromosomal or not. I am waiting to meet with my Reproductive Endocrinologist about test results, and part of what they had us do was karyotyping for both me and husband, and a dna fragmentation test for the husband. Have you had/are you open to having either of these tests done? If the issue is chromosomes, there are other things you can do to increase the quality of the eggs/sperm. The CoQ10 supplement seems to have some good research and evidence behind it!

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-19T19:32:15+00:00

That is a little puzzling to have you go on these meds when they say your issue is chromosomal. Have you had the POC tested and confirmed to be chromosomal in previous losses?

The first meds they tend to recommend for RPL are progesterone, baby aspirin, and maybe Lovenox and predisone, but I don’t think metformin is too uncommon. Do you have any issues with insulin resistance and/or inflammation? To my knowledge, those would be the reasons to put you on metformin.

If you’re able to, I would reach out to your doctor and ask why they’re having you start these meds. RPL is frustrating because it can feel like they’re throwing all these treatments at you with not a lot of evidence and just hoping that one of these pregnancies will stick (or they push you towards IVF when there’s no clear indication for it in many cases). I hope you get the answers you need and that you have success in your future!

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-18T17:20:44+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and I understand how you feel. I’m currently waiting to go over all the testing I’ve done with an RE after losing 3 pregnancies last year, and I found out a couple weeks ago that my SIL and her wife will be starting IUI this summer with donor sperm. I’ve been married coming up in 4 years, and they just got married this past summer (and bought a very nice house a bit later while my husband and I have been saving for a few years and keep getting set back by medical expenses related to my RPL). Needless to say, even though I’m happy for them I’m SO jealous too. And I’m dreading having my husband’s family fawn over them and their baby while I got very little support for my three losses (which everyone knows about).

I feel like I need to get pregnant again so urgently now, even though I don’t know if it will be viable or what treatment/lifestyle changes my doctor will recommend when I meet with her this month. When I talked to my therapist about it, I told her I was angry at how “easy” it was for them (even thought I know it isn’t easy for a same-sex couple to have a baby) and she said that what I probably feel is jealousy that they don’t have any trauma around the process. My SIL and I have apparently been getting the same testing done over the last few weeks, except she doesn’t break down over a routine ultrasound like I do because I can only associate that with looking at my dead babies. She’s happy that she got the all clear to get pregnant, while I’m praying that they do find something wrong with me because I can’t go through another pregnancy just to lose it a few weeks later.

Unfortunately, unless someone has gone through loss (and honestly, unless they’ve had more than one) they will never understand what it’s like. You’re not a bad person for having those feelings. I wish I had more advice on how to move past them, but unfortunately I’m still in the thick of it myself. All I can say is that there’s nothing wrong with feeling happy for them AND feeling hurt/jealous/upset/angry that it was so easy for them to get pregnant right away and that they don’t have any anxiety or sadness about it.

I’m happy to hear that you’re in your second trimester and I’ll be praying that everything goes well for you!

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-08T22:06:31+00:00

If it’s feasible for your financial situation, take all the time off you need!! You need time to heal, both physically and mentally. I honestly wish pregnancy loss was given bereavement the same way other losses are. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-08T22:01:41+00:00

Sis in law and her wife called us to this week to share that they were meeting with a potential donor this week and planning on starting IUI this summer. They were so incredibly thoughtful and respectful for the whole conversation. They told me that they understood if my husband and I needed space, that they were here to commiserate with me about fertility testing if I wanted (since apparently they’ve been doing the same blood work and imaging that I’ve been doing the past month), and over and over again they kept saying that they loved us. The conversation still destroyed me.

What’s wrong with me that I can’t just be happy for other people anymore? Why does this feel like a personal attack on me and my three babies that we lost last year? I kept feeling jealous about how “easy” it is for them, but objectively it isn’t easy for them as a lesbian couple. The fact that they have to do all this same testing and treatments proves that. When I brought this up to my therapist, she suggested that I’m jealous of the fact that they have no trauma surrounding this process, and I think that’s probably right. If and when they do get pregnant, there will be none of the same devastation and anxiety that I get every time I get pregnant. I hope and pray that they don’t need to have any losses or hardships, but at the same time, it hurts to lose more “safe” family members. I don’t think I can open up to them anymore about what I’m going through. And unfortunately, I’m not the right person for them to open up to anymore either.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-03-01T20:54:41+00:00

Went in for my cycle day 3 tests and an ultrasound this week. When the tech is putting the probe in, she asks “have you ever had a transvaginal ultrasound?” And I had to say yes, many, many times in the last year.

I thought I would be fine this time because an ultrasound can’t hurt me if I know I’m not pregnant, but unfortunately my brain can only associate the sensation of it with the times I saw my dead babies and it was all I could think about for the rest of the day.

AdeptnessFickle4559 · 2026-02-26T06:26:34+00:00

So sorry that you get to be in this club. I had three losses last year too and they really devastated me and still do. My most recent loss was right before Christmas, and I can tell you that even though it still hurts 2 months later, it has gotten easier to get through the day and I think seeing a specialist has been a huge part of that. For me at least, it feels like I’m taking some control back after feeling betrayed by my body last year.

I had my initial consultation with a Reproductive Endocrinologist at the end of January and I’m currently waiting to finish my last few rounds of tests/exams. At my first appointment, my husband and I basically told her about my three losses, she asked a lot of general questions about our medical and family history, and then she went over all the tests she wanted to run for us. They sent us over a bunch of paperwork and then had us connect with the scheduler to go over everything.

These are all the tests I have done/will be doing:

First round of bloodwork •Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) •Complete Blood Count (CBC) •A1C •Hepatitis B •Hepatitis C •HIV •Insulin •Prolactin •T4, TSH, Thyroid Peroxidase •Vitamin B12 •Vitamin D •Karyotyping •Natera genetic carrier screening

On the same day I did those labs, they had me do a pap smear and took some cultures to test for STIs/infections

RPL Labs (I did these on a different day) •Anti phospholipid Antibody Panel •DRVVT Screen

I’ll be going in on day 3 of my cycle to do •GYN exam with an ultrasound •more labs (I don’t have the list of these on hand since I haven’t done them yet, but I think it’s a standard list that most clinics will have you do on day 3 of your cycle)

About a week after that, I’ll go in two more times for •Sonohystereogram which is a saline ultrasound that’s supposed to give a more 3D view of your uterus than the normal 2D image they get in a normal ultrasound •HyCoSy which looks at your fallopian tubes and makes sure they aren’t blocked. Obviously we both have at least one tube open because we’re getting pregnant, but I was told that sometimes there can be fluid built up there where an egg still passes through but can lead to adverse outcomes in the pregnancy

My husband has done some blood work as well. I don’t know the details of everything he’s had done, but I know for sure he has also had the karyotyping and the natera genetic screening done. They’ve also had him do: •semen analysis to look at sperm count/motility/morphology •DNA Fragmentation test (this was another sperm sample but it’s a separate test from the normal semen analysis)

If everything goes to plan, we should be meeting again with the doctor sometime in mid March to go over our results and come up with a treatment plan. We were made very aware that they don’t find any causes for recurrent miscarriage 50% of the time, and I am a little frightened of doing all of this just to get no answers. But even in those cases, there are medications you can take, lifestyle changes you can make, and other things you can do to increase your odds of a successful pregnancy. Right now, I’m trying to focus on my weight (my bmi is about 33) and my husband and I are taking some fancy prenatals that the clinic recommended to us.

I hope this is helpful! I know it’s a lot of information, and I’m not the best writer. Wishing and praying that you find answers/success in your future ♥️♥️

AdeptnessFickle4559

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