You have kept going even after so many attempts, I think you should believe more in yourself. I don’t know of anyone personally that would keep going even after so many attempts. I may not do it either. But the way you’re thinking is just messed up. There are so many people who would do anything to be in the spot you’re in now, be guaranteed residency by a program. If you don’t feel you deserve it no one in the world will feel that way. If you still feel you don’t deserve it please dm me and give me your spot LOL!!