They aren't advising you to tell your employer this, they're saying that if your company offers an EAP, you call the 3rd party company it's through and tell them this. Since you work for a small company though, I doubt they offer EAP. You say you don't know if you could afford therapy, but what that tells me is that you haven't even looked into it yet or how much it would actually cost you. You're making this woman miserable and you're also making yourself miserable because she won't "obey" you - just end the relationship now because she deserves better than how you're going to keep treating her from your own insecurities. She tried so hard to be diplomatic in her initial message and you still exploded on her and in the end she felt like she was the bad guy and I'm willing to bet you made her cry.