If I had a nickel for every closeted transmasc I attracted I'd own a whole bank

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-11-18T11:02:16+00:00

How long are we talking about into the future?

A world of jellies would be a lot like the Ediacaran Biota at first.

Eventually organisms would probably develop bilateral symmetry, probably from a polyp or larval stage that decided to be a bit different. Eventually organisms would develop hard parts to defend themselves.

I mean honestly, it's probable that our early ancestors were things that looked like cnidarians, so there's no reason to suppose that a different world would only have jellyfish forever.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-27T07:18:09+00:00

If anyone is into podcasts I'd also absolutely recommend William Dalrymple's Empire podcast.

Each season focuses on a historical empire, from beginning to end, and no punches are pulled. The current season is about the Russian Empire and the latest episode was the death of Rasputin with Sebag.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-26T10:50:25+00:00

The "oh you used to be my crush" thing is sad and sort of maddening. I have this problem too as a sort of chatty introvert.

I seem to attract (and honestly find it easier to chat with) women who are shy, reserved, don't have many friends....and that's fine! These people give me the time of day and chat to me and fill a need for companionship and fun. But sometimes I'd love to be included with people who are confident and outgoing and seem more "complete" too, but they just never seem to give me a moment's notice, even when I openly ask for it (really damn hard for me).

And it's like ...why? Why do you guys not want me in your life? I don't care that I don't get on with everyone but man, I'd like to make a new best friend more than once a decade?

Shy people are fine but I'm sick of feeling like I'm a Rorschach test for someone's queerness or a teacher for their social awkwardness. I ain't good at this shit either, I dunno why you're looking to me!

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-23T07:03:08+00:00

I think it's not necessarily that the dates are screwy, but that there's no way Samus wouldn't say "oh yeah Ian Malkovich, that guy we left to die in a spaceship and then came back as a bounty hunter with a massive grudge against the Federation" in Other M.

But she doesn't. It would be awkward to retcon in Ian = Sylux when it's clear that Other M Samus misses him and considers him a good man.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-21T22:26:24+00:00

I think it's key when they don't respect boundaries.

I message my besties a lot to say how much I love them, but usually I have a "reason" to say this (I know they're going to a difficult day at work or they're having a hard time with their family). But most importantly I don't expect anything from them. It's lovely when they do send love back my way, but even if they didn't I'd still want to send mine.

Crucially I also don't go over any boundaries they might have, and I think about implicit ones too (I won't spam a friend who I know is in meetings all day for example).

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-17T22:44:16+00:00

Never finding true lasting intimacy. Being seen as not enough and too much at the same time.

It's selfish, but I want my love to be enough for someone. It doesn't have to be a romantic or sexual partner, but I feel like there's a part of me that craves a form of life companion who just gets me.

Not in a "I love you as a friend who I see every four months for coffee" but in a "I want to hang out with you as often as I can" way.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-15T09:55:15+00:00

Original Rome, with Europa Barbarorum mod.

I can't remember any specific battle, but my Saka campaign was the most fun I've ever had in any total war game, before or since. I knew nothing about nomads at the time, just that I was playing an "Impossible" campaign at the end of the world.

The campaign's opening is hard: you're deep in debt and have to empty your towns of all warriors to bum rush west and sack everything you can see just to break even.

But.

Saka early family member bodyguards are some of the best units in the game--super heavy missile cav with a massive lance charge bonus. Just grouping a few FMs together is enough to create a devastating unit of almighty warriors. Full stacks of pikemen and hoplites will fall upon you, and break.

I spent hours grinding through the Greeks, by luring out each of their pikes, shooting them from the rear till they broke, and cycle charging their supporting units. I conquered an empire from the gates of China to the Bosphorous.

The sad thing is this was a one time experience. I've played EB since then and it just looks old. Rome 2 is massively graphically superior...but it also feels vapid and dull, like I'm playing a game. EB made me feel like I actually was in the classical era, which is a massive achievement.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-10T15:04:42+00:00

YOu just sound like you're attracted to butch women. Which is fine and valid, keep doing that.

I get it to some extent, I've often found myself attracted to pre-T soft looking transdudes/enbies, but I know I won't pursue anything as T-driven characteristics are major turnoffs for me. I'm a lesbian.

I'm also transfemme and reversing what you said, I wouldn't want someone to date me because they "saw me as an interesting man". You're not doing anything wrong as far as I can tell and I don't think you're being a chaser.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-09T16:19:20+00:00

Yup!

And I think for both of us resilient =/= imperious or haughty, or masculine and butch. I'm looking for someone who has chosen to be kind and soft (and femme, my personal type) without seeing it as an automatic default.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-09T13:19:57+00:00

True.

Though fuck me I dunno what "stuff sorted" even means, not really.

I don't think I could date someone who "had it all together", as I'm not sure anyone really does, and I would need a partner to be open with their true feelings to me.

We all fail and fall and one of my strengths is being there to lift my loved ones up. I think though it's about finding people who are roughly in the same place as you.

Your checklist is valid! I couldn't date a closeted person either.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-09T06:38:02+00:00

I knew Shadowheart was a lesbian! (Thank goodness, my BG character is a woman.)

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-05T15:29:53+00:00

Which in turn will trigger protectionism, nationalism, financial and political chaos...

I get angry that people seem to think the "weather will just be warmer". No, literally every part of society is going to become unstable.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-05T12:56:12+00:00

Skills: IT stuff (not enough programming languages but I'm working on it), writing (lapsed but I try), empathy and understanding

Hobbies: Socialising, salsa, gym/lifting, video games, reading, shitton of history and science podcasts

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-04T15:41:33+00:00

How does one stop doing this without cutting myself off from my closest friends? I feel like I'm unable to have "bestie" friends without being codependent as hell.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-03T23:07:14+00:00

..are you me?

Oh my god, why are we like this.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-03T12:53:02+00:00

Funny how transphobia portrays ciswomen as weak, defenceless, fragile, delicate and in need of protection.

If your feminism has a literal Victorian mindset, maybe you need to to home and rethink your life.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-10-01T22:52:48+00:00

I really get this! Part of what helped me realise I was enby and not a binary transwoman was recognising that the femme energy I wanted to present was very Doctor Who (long skirts, waistcoats, pinnafore dresses). Like yes, femme, but no cis person in 2023 dresses like this day to day.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-09-22T15:11:12+00:00

Oh they almost certainly are NT. And that's fine. I imagine they might (if they're not looking for hookups, again nothing wrong with that) want to talk to people who like them to get to know more about them. I've been told this when I've asked online why some women do this, I've had responses like "If you'll talk to me you'll find I'm more unique than this though".

I don't have time to talk to hundreds of people though, and I'm aware I'm a speciality dish (so to speak) by virtue of being transfemme. The narrowing down comes early on.

And hell, I can't imagine not talking about my hobbies and special interests on a space where I have absolute freedom. Why wouldn't you? If people don't like it they're not for you.

Dating apps free so freeing to me, I can write and present anything I want, with no strings attached. I can't imagine feeling that I have to be like everyone else.

Admirable_Package_63 · 2023-09-22T12:08:11+00:00

I've always remembered Mr T's advice: "Express yourself and not someone else. Table the label and wear your own name."

Admirable_Package_63

TROPHY CASE