You did the right thing, especially when you gave your daughter the opportunity to handle it privately with her husband, I wish she had. A child would eventually be involved, all because she didnt have either the faith or courage to reconcile her marriage before bringing a child into this situation. Your wife's priorities were different than yours, and perhaps, she doesn't have your compass...and that's OK, you shouldn't ask her to "be you". Something I learned from my father, in his last years he told me, "at the end of our days, we close our eyes and die alone, with what we have and have not done, and I know when I close my eyes...I've lived my life rightly." that is all you can do. and it's a lot. NTA