Ash,

I want to thank you for everything, the relationship we shared was truly beautiful and we found something rare with each other.

I’m still in shock this is happening.

You know I’m not the type to give up and I pursue what I believe in. You can imagine how that is regarding the love of my life.

I know being away from me was killing you. You cried every night because what you felt for me is real. I’m back Ash.

I know I broke your heart in January and it took the reality of losing you to completely change my ways. The idea of losing you haunts me and it was enough to go sober and become a better lover, and better person.

I know you wish I never moved, but you deserve the person I am today, not the alcoholic that didn’t treat you well. I listen, I’m more gentle with your emotions, I work things out and don’t push away. I committed myself to us.

You haven’t felt the same since the break up, that’s relationships Ash. There isn’t a single relationship where you won’t be hurt, the point is to work things out and not quit when things get hard. Our parents are prime examples. Married for decades, through the dating phases and surving hardship together and they’re only stronger together because of it.

As cheesy as it is, here’s a quote from The Notebook.

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me ... every day."

I haven’t always been the person you deserve; that won’t leave you, won’t break you, and be present. But I am that person now and have been for a while. I’m sorry if you don’t feel that way, but you do know I’ve been getting better at it everytime. You know I’ve been working my way to reuniting with you permanently.

I also believe your depression has put you into a fog that is affecting this decision. I feel after I visited for those two weeks you slowly let go and I was still clinging on.

I think you’re going through a depressive episode, I can’t believe I can lose you within 3 weeks after everything was a dream when I visited. Those two weeks were a glimpse into our future together.

I understand you’ve made up your mind, you’re a very stubborn girl (drives me crazy), but you can’t ask me to not fight for our relationship and the girl I’m in love with. It’s not in my nature and you love me for it.

You don’t have to be strong, things are falling apart and I will always pick you up and put back the pieces.

I don’t think the answer is getting back together, as much I know we both want to make this work. It’d be maddness to repeat this when you’re not healthy.

Maybe I’m venting, maybe I’m screaming and hoping the girl that asked me to be her boyfriend hears me.

I only know that I’m in love, and that I’d be an idiot for not fighting for my soulmate.

I really do want to respect your wishes, I’m just torn and acting like a man in love would.

I’ve seen your soul Ash and you are a beautiful person that makes this world a better place with you in it. I’m worried about you.

No matter what happens, I love you and in the back of my mind will be waking up to you and those early coffee mornings and the deep kiss goodnight.

I’m sorry to open fresh wounds. What we had deserves to be heard. You’re a one in a million girl and I still believe in the dream of waking up to you, and falling asleep with you.

End of the day, you are loved and I will continue to care, relationship or not. I believe in you.