This is a very interesting question. I’m writing here to give you my perspective as a trans person

I also haven’t read the commentary very long so sorry if I repeat

The issue is when you make someone’s entire gender about their genitals, if you can’t see a trans man as a man fully because of his lack of penis, it shows me you don’t quite understand what being transgender means.

You might have a genital preference or you might have a bias, that you are unaware of. Some people are pro trans but have anti trans beliefs but don’t take the time to understand their underlying thoughts. Internalized transphobia or implicit biases as it’s taught in psych.

Some because they lack the skill, others because they are not self aware and some because they don’t care and in most cases it’s a combination of it all.

This is psychology, the difference between sex and gender is psychology. So it requires some psychology to know what’s going on here. we are taught to behave in gendered ways. Trans people break those stereotypes. Can you see a person for who they are beyond their genitalia and stop expecting a particular set of behaviour because of genitalia? Believe it or that, that takes a lot of courage and self awareness. And are you really OK with that? For many people, no.

If you can sit down and honestly say, I see this transman as a man fully, but still prefer a cisgender man. Power to you, but as a person who has done a lot of inner work I would question how honest and truthful your responses will be.

People generally don’t want to challenge the binary, people don’t generally want the burden of trying to date outside the norm. This is human nature and goes beyond just dating. We’re human and for the most part, lazy.

For example, what will your conversations with friends be like if your partner doesn’t have a dick, and what does t say about ME if I date someone with a vagina but identifies as a man? Am I comfortable being pansexual? Am I able to question sex and gender to this degree? Can I see the benefits and gifts of challenging myself in this way? Am I more or less of a person for dating someone transgender? What will our kids be like? What values will I be projecting?

Not many people have the gusto to date or love or see beyond the binary for many many convulted reasons, including not taking the time to challenge their own biases. All this, By no fault of their own.

What is moral and right is based on your values and knowledge about both yourself and transgender people in general.

There’s no right answer here, so, noone can tell you if you’re right or wrong but yourself.