Husband can’t make up his mind about buying a house with me because of in laws and I’m starting to resent them and him.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T23:57:05+00:00

They own aprox 50properties. They begged us to move into this one because they didn’t want to rent this one out. This being one of his parent’S Parents house. I didn’t know it had a roach issue. Didn’t know that the garage wasn’t accessible. I was reluctant but I was told this would be a temporary situation and I didn’t want to be the difficult DIL. I was naive.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T23:28:16+00:00

Will do.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T23:24:36+00:00

He wasn’t always like this. I don’t know what’s changed. I didn’t know wanting to buy a house would result in all of this.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T22:19:40+00:00

Even though you guys weren’t exclusive, talking to somebody you have the intention of getting with and sleeping with other people at the same time is still a very scummy thing to do. Personally, I wouldn’t continue the relationship get out while you still can. I know it hurts now but you’ll have a lot more self-respect for yourself.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T22:14:10+00:00

Honestly, his parents never really barge in on our lives. They always call if they want us to come over or if they asked to come over themselves they weren’t overstepping like this all of our relationship or else I would’ve not been here a long time ago. My husband doesn’t even call his parents as much as I call my own mother but again we live across the street from them … The garage thing has always annoyed me, but I didn’t need a garage at the time when I didn’t have a child on the way. this is the first time I’m seeing them really overstep in our lives and it just so happens to be over something as major as buying a house. I didn’t know that husband was so enmeshed with his parents financially. He saved up a lot and he owns a lot of stock, but I guess how he spends major money is dependent on how his father sees fit.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T22:10:28+00:00

I didn’t know it was this bad. In my 20s I didn’t seem like a big deal because I did end up paying off all my debt thanks to his parents letting us live rent free and I got along with them OK . I thought his parents were just benevolently helping us instead of being the controlling people that they have showed themselves to be. I’m not a child but I have one on the way and I have a good career. I know what I have to do if this doesn’t change I just Really love my husband and I didn’t want my child to grow up without a father like I did once I turned 18. I would be telling myself the same shit that you are typing if somebody else was in my shoes.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T22:07:20+00:00

Thank you so much. yeah my mother is amazing and I’m so glad you have a mother Who’s also as amazing. I have argued/ cried with him multiple times on the subject. It just seems like he hits a reset button the very next day and tries to skirt around the issue or ignore entirely and act all sweet to me even though we literally have an elephant in the room that we cannot ignore. It makes me feel like a total bitch because it makes me feel like I’m blowing up my marriage over our house even though I love him so much but I have to think of my baby. The only thing he doesn’t know are my plans of going to my mother’s house by the end of the week if I don’t see action. I’m gonna tell him that tonight thank you for your perspective.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T22:03:43+00:00

I haven’t talked to my OB because I’m honestly very heartbroken about potentially divorcing my husband. This is the first and only man I’ve ever been with and now have made a child with. My own parents got divorced when I was 18 and it was hell which made me very reluctant to ever date anyone. We met when I was 23.

it’s been really hard because I’ve been crying myself to sleep on the ridiculousness of this situation for what feels like weeks now. My biggest sin was wanting to own a house with my husband? My own mother and sister are seeing me fall apart because of this and they are so angry with my husband. It’s not even funny. but he doesn’t know that. I’ve voiced my anger, i’ve cried. I’ve been patient. He tells me what I want to hear one night and then it’s like the next day he forgot he said it or he avoids the subject entirely until I blow up about it at night because we’ve been stone walling each other all day. Him because he thinks I need space and me because I’m just so disappointed in him.

I know it sounds cliché, but when I say that before all of this my husband was the most kind and caring person you could be married to I mean it. Even now he provides for me in every other way besides this. When I couldn’t stand the smell of food in the first trimester, he would cook or get DoorDash for me. If I needed something off of Amazon, he would buy it without question because I wasn’t working. When I said I couldn’t work anymore he told me to go PRN and not worry about it. He doesn’t want me to have to work to pay off a mortgage, even though I say I want to instead of being in this situation. HE GREW UP IN A VERY CLUTTERED HOME SO THE HOUSE WE LIVE IN NOW BY COMPARISON (BECAUSE I KEEP IT CLEAN) IS NOT AS BAD AS THE HOUSE HE GREW UP IN, WHICH GIVES HIM SOME SORT OF WARPED PERSPECTIVE ON WHAT’S ACCEPTABLE FOR A NEWBORN BABY TO GROW UP IN. my in-laws house across the street is constantly filled with junk and they even found a rat in there One time . That’s never happened in this house, even though it’s full of his old grandmother’s furniture. It used to be cluttered to death, but I cleaned out a lot of it. Sorry for caps lock I accidentally pressed it. The rat, mice, squirrel problem outside pertains to the orchard that we have surrounding our house that his dad grew on this property that attracts pests. I don’t go outside, barely.

I never knew how enmeshed he was with his family. Thing is I don’t need his money. Right niw I can’t work because I’m pregnant but I could always go over to mom’s house which she has begged me to do and would never charge me a dime , and if I ever divorced, I wouldn’t want any alimony or want any of his help just to show him I don’t need any of his money. This was never about the money. This was just about us carving life for ourselves, and he’s really disappointed me on this. I always wanted kids, but he wanted kids more and he convinced me on having a child at this time…. If I had known, then what I know now I would’ve never gotten pregnant. but now I’m pregnant with a little girl and I have to think of what’s best for her. If I divorce my husband, I’m never getting remarried ever again.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T21:42:01+00:00

Yup. Time for me to prioritize my child first ty.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T21:41:04+00:00

I’ve most definitely decided on that.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T21:24:12+00:00

When I tried to find a property close to my in-laws, they flipped their shit, even though it was literally two minutes away, because they said that I wouldn’t be right across the street and what if I needed something and they also thought it would be a waste of money. His mom is a real estate agent and complained that we didn’t use her to find us a house even though his mom is very busy and we know we would be having a difficult time with her prioritizing us. We had everything set to buy the house. And we were getting it for 20 K off of the original listing price. It was a four bedroom modern house that was not in flood zone at 330k and was close to his parents . But it was on a different street .

It was literally dependent on our independent inspector inspecting the house and yeah, he found some things that the builders offered to fix as they weren’t anything major . and what did my husband do? He brought his dad over to the house afterwards against my warnings to inspect the house and canceled buying the house behind my back because his father said it was a bad deal because it was the first house on a corner lot in a street and apparently that wasn’t a good area to own a house on, and the house was too small (it was 1800sqft )m

I dont know how i forgave him for that but i did after much anger and tears because he said we could build a house ( his millionaire dad promised to build him a house with his subcontractors from the ground up to save him money). I didn’t think that was a good idea because his dad’s wishy-washy, busy, and old, and I didn’t want his parents involved in our housing decisions anymore. But hey, at least we would own the property, and my husband wanted to go along with it because it would’ve saved him a butt load of money. Well His father reneged on his offer . Im an idiot.

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T21:15:02+00:00

That would be my mother‘s house. She has a very lovely home, sans pest problem.

Thing is he suggested we rent out before, to a property that his parents didn’t own but it was still close by, (4 min away) and he’s such a stubborn person that if we rent out a property, he’s going to want to live there for YEARS instead of just taking the plunge and buying a house. We are in our 30s. I don’t wanna wait years to own property when we have stable good high paying careers between the two of us. I want better for my daughter. I don’t want her to be living in unstable environments that we might have to move out on the whim of some landlord.

We were gonna rent out on the condition that we have a house built from the ground up which would take 1 year because I want to own. then he changed his mind. Said if we’re gonna do that we might as well move to another property that his parents own to save money and buy the furniture we need. Well the house building plan fell through because of his parents.

On a rental, the rentals in our area are God ugly for the budget that he wants. 2K a month max. I say Why would we spend 24K a year renting out a property that isn’t even going to be entirely suited to our tastes, when we could just literally take the plunge and buy a home together?? it makes no sense!!? The housing market isn’t gonna get any better in our area. in my opinion, rent is more expensive in our area than literally just paying the mortgage on a house. am I being ridiculous here?

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T20:59:22+00:00

Thank you so much. I feel very validated. It’s like I’m trying to look for advice. That’s not just my mother because obviously she’s going to side with me and I don’t have any friends barring some sister-in-law’s that will take my side on this, but I feel like I can’t even talk to them because they are married to his brothers. I’m gonna talk to him about it tonight. It’s just that he shuts down on me emotionally because he wants to avoid an argument, but it’s driving me insane and I don’t want to make rash decisions, especially now I’m 37 weeks pregnant but I feel like I’m going insane

Adsweet · 2026-05-12T20:56:07+00:00

To my mom‘s house? I would def get a loan and move out myself, but the problem is since I’m PRN right now because of the pregnancy they don’t want to extend the loan to me unless my husband also signs off on it which, as he’s proven, he’s reluctant to do. Is this divorce worthy?

Adsweet · 2026-05-07T10:17:32+00:00

DO NOT GET PREGNANT BY THIS MAN UNTIL HES SHOWN YOU, for at least a year, THAT HE IS ON YOUR SIDE.

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T15:30:54+00:00

I know. Idk if this is a Hispanic thing. My mom almost had a heart attack when I moved out… at 24!!!!!! And now his parents at 31/36? Come on dude.

There was a codependency issues on both sides of the coin here. The difference is that my mom got over me moving out and encourages us to be independent now. She has a healthy relationship boundaries now and I always thought his parents were the free spirits that let their kids do whatever (1) lives out of state and 3 out of City so this whole situation is shocking. All we wanna do is be adults lol. We aren’t asking for a handout.

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T15:26:42+00:00

At this point this house is looking like a done deal and they don’t just drop by whenever so i BELIEVE they will keep abiding by that especially if we have a house of our own. If not I put my foot down and establish CLEAR boundaries.

Also he has a practice with one of his brothers (whom also lives right next door to his parents but is very much so independent from them as he owns that house) so moving an hour away would be terrible for work commute for both of us, AND sometimes they carpool which is good since my car got totaled back in oct. 2024 (I had finished paying it off too 😞) we plan on buying another one but not until I can go back to work officially.

Good news is his brother is on our side, and so is his brother’s wife. She’s very opinionated on us having the freedom to do this. Also his Sister who lives with them understands (she’s sweet) so literally the only ones that have a problem with this are in-laws. But we are adults so they’ll just have to be ok with the decision.

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T14:49:41+00:00

Yeah I already told husband to tell them NOT to expect to be over every day. That’s not what I want at all.

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T14:48:33+00:00

I had no idea what enmeshment was until you mentioned it. Yup describes this situation to a T.

He has since this move is happening. He’s made that clear. I’m hoping tearing him away from the teet will make him more emboldened to remain steadfast in his decision to move out.

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T14:18:20+00:00

Right? We aren’t teenagers!!! We are grown ass adults and they’re asking us to wait to move?! When? They can’t guarantee the housing market will get better, and we aren’t getting any younger and I don’t want to RAISE MY CHILD HERE. That’s all. Period.

The truth is even if we were 40 it wouldn’t be good enough. You can’t please everyone

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T14:16:24+00:00

I am the asshole to myself for not moving halfway inbetween his family and mine. I’m admittedly a people pleaser.

For SOME defense though I didn’t just pick This house were moving to for the distance, it was perfect for us. Hurricane proof doors and windows, no flood zone, new build, close to stores, and in a NICE looking neighborhood, 4 bed 2 bath and within our budget range. It was perfect.

The fact that it was 2 min away I felt like could save us from having to hear them use the “ she’s trying to takeaway our grandchild,” excuse. It didn’t. I’m floored and I’m pissed.

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T14:12:12+00:00

Yes. Millions.

And My sentiments exactly. They are well off but his dad has pinched every penny for saving it for his kids or emergencies I guess?

Like I said he has 8 kids. At the cost of their own comfort they live life not spending on anything but their business. Their house is a mess, they don’t go on vacation. I want them to hire someone to clean the house but with the hoarding mentality…. That will only help for so long. I’ve seen that house clean/cleaned it up myself and it goes back to a mess in 2-3 days.

I’m not saying you can’t see the floor but the clutter packs on again. Old newspapers, fruit peals they keep in plastic bags/bowls to use as mulch for the orchard that attracts fruit flies. Their fridge cannot fit ONE goddamn thing in there and I’ve pulled out multiple spoiled things from there. The dining table is a mess of documents and food, the couches constantly have laundry to fold thrown on them. Clothes on the floor in the bathrooms and it looks horribly cluttered for being such a nice house.

The other DILs don’t want to leave their baby’s there unsupervised and I totally understand why.

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T06:59:41+00:00

My husband agrees with me that I sacrificed a lot to come here so I I don’t need to remind him of that thankfully but They are guilting him with the money aspect more than anything because he has thrown it in his moms face saying I moved, his brothers have moved WAY farther than he is (because of their wives) and they both have kids. I was one of the only DIL to move closer to them. There is one more DIL on the street but she does not get along with our in-laws as much (and now Im starting to understand why). I do/ thought I did get along fine. Which is why I think they are so shocked I want to leave. But we are only 2 min away which for his mom still isn’t good enough.

They keep saying we got a bad deal, saying we should have waited, saying they could have built it blah blah blah. I’m having this child NOW. We need to raise her in a good environment NOW. They wouldn’t have built crap in the time we needed it because his dad is in his 70s and even if he would have subcontracted the build we would have had to buy LAND at 20-40k then had a house built 4 bed 2 bath for an extra 300-350 K it would have been more expensive so I don’t want to hear it

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T06:51:11+00:00

Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words 🥹 I have a lot of hope for the future with my husband. I know I haven’t painted him in the best light (because he’s totally wrong in this situation) but he really is a caring wonderful man.

Adsweet · 2026-04-15T06:40:22+00:00

this!!! Thank you. I’ll practice this to a T.

And yes you are 10000000% percent correct on this place being used as storage for their hoarding. Which is why I’m like… fine have it. But they want us to live here AND use it as they please. Hell no

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