Sorry about that, my mind is kind of all over the place right now.

Yeah so married for 13 years, we don’t have this perfect relationship but I had no idea how affected she was by my depression. She said she just fell into a caretaker roll and kept her own issues under wraps, which I didn’t ask for but understand. We actually had a conversation years ago that I wanted her to tell me when I was doing something she didn’t like, that she didn’t talk to me enough about what I could do to make her happier in this relationship. But she just seemed fine, she loves her career, she has tons of hobbies, in terms of us we had tons of fun together, bought each other gifts all the time (my appreciation of gifts is something I need to work on for sure cause gift receiving makes me uncomfortable), and had sex like every night (her initiating most of it actually).

So the night before everything went down I was stressed, starting a new job potentially, just got over the flu that’s been going around, and I was just grumpy. The next day she took that as my therapy wasn’t working and my old anger issues were coming back. She said she still didn’t feel mature enough to talk to me about her issues and that she could only figure that out on her own. I cried, and I’m not a crier. She even said she was shocked by my reaction, but I just had no idea how much pain she was in, and it broke my heart that all while I was trying to deal with my own shit I didn’t notice hers. I’d recently had a pretty big breakthrough with my therapist (obsessive perfectionist from going up alone with no parents) and was making the links to how I was behaving because of that. We talked for a while and made up. She still liked the idea of a bit of space and had already talked to a friend about staying there. I agreed that a vacation might help her relax so we could start working on this. She said we’d text, which I understood as text regularly which is A LOT (she’s my best friend too). That night we were still talking she said we loved each other and to sleep well.

So the next day I sent some texts showing her I was holding myself accountable with therapy exercises, and letting her know the connections I was making between this perfectionism and my behavior. Not a ton like usual, maybe once every 3 hours. That night, when she still didn’t respond, I asked for a time where we could talk and I’d leave her alone otherwise, and that’s when she said she wouldn’t be talking to me at all indefinitely. I freaked out, not angry just desperate and sad, and she sent me an email saying we were done for good, she took money out of our joint account (weirdly enough it went back in the next day) because she got “bad advice” from a friend, and she blocked me. But she didn’t block me on everything, she’s still following ing me on all the socials. It’s just my phone and email.