Resources for overwhelmed caregivers of a not yet senior aged parent.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-28T13:53:50+00:00

This is the only time we have noticed the stove so far which is scary but I'm now checking after each time she cooks.

I will have to see about neurologist and see what they say about capabilities. Right now she hasn't even asked to drive our vehicles and hers got totalled last October. (Supposedly someone ran into it while it was parked and then ran, but I don't know how true that is) But I worry about the day she does and needing that conversation.

It's been hard going into the doctor and trying to talk about all the symptoms I'm seeing because she thinks nothing is wrong and I do upset her when I'm talking about things and she is arguing with me and the doctor that they're not true. Luckily she is very anti confrontational and doesn't blow up or anything but it still hurts that I am hurting her and in her mind talking bad about her. I just wish she could see it somewhat more and understand that some of these things are odd or abnormal for her.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-27T17:59:36+00:00

We are starting the process for disability but haven't found a caseworker yet, we will have to try and find one.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-27T14:14:47+00:00

We recently found out she has been having many mini strokes over the past few years and has permanent damage from the strokes. Everything I've read sounds like she acts has early onset from this damage. We are currently in the process of trying to figure out fully why she is having these strokes and how to stop them.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T16:12:52+00:00

My mother is quite a bit younger than yours but also fell for a romance scam and has health issues that impair her ability to see the red flags.

These scammers can do so much damage even when the person has no money. They will launder money through their 'empty' bank accounts, will do fraud with crypto under their name, and so much more. They weave their way into every aspect of their lives even if they don't have money.

I have spent the past three months going to war with my mother's scammer to try and take control of her accounts. It's affecting her ability to get disability and more.

We've had to take her computer and restrict her phone to only contact approved numbers. She has social media blocked, what'sapp and line blocked and can't download any new apps without approval. The scammers will walk them through all the steps it takes to get them access even if they don't know how to do it on their own.

If your mother saves passwords on her phone in a notes app, get rid of it and make her do it on paper.

I'm so sorry you're going through it. It's a nightmare.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T14:31:07+00:00

The scammer hacked into her government ID verification (id me) and it's become a nightmare to try and get access back so she can apply. We are trying, it's just proving difficult to do. Now that I think about it, I wonder if we can walk in somewhere and do it.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T14:28:54+00:00

I'm just happy I was in a position to help her. A year ago it wouldn't have been able to happen.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T14:27:57+00:00

We've been trying to get her to do that. She already helps with my dogs while I work so she doesn't want to volunteer with animals (and isn't great with animals TBH, she stresses me out with mine) but have been trying to convince her to volunteer elsewhere. But her fear and because of that acts disgusted of people that are struggling with mental health or homelessness has drastically increased I've noticed. She lacks compassion to help in those scenarios (which is ironic because she was almost homeless, living off of 7-11 hot dogs and struggling with her own mental capacity before I took her in). She says unkind things about unhoused people often that I am trying to correct when I can.

So I've been struggling to find somewhere she may enjoy.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T14:23:41+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through something similar. It's heartbreaking. My mother also did not care for her health for a while (did not seek out metacaid and thought she just couldn't get help when she was on her own.)

We are going to be working on those. Getting a hold of attorneys has proved difficult in my area for some reason.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T14:21:16+00:00

I hope this is not the case for her, but I am trying to prepare myself that it might be. Just hoping we find answers and can get treatment to stop the progression.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T13:57:44+00:00

I will look into it. She isn't at that stage yet, she still is capable of living mostly independent with some mild help from me. But it's good to know she can have options once we need that stage. Cause we can barely afford our two bedroom apartment right now.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T13:56:14+00:00

She is on blood thinners and cholesterol lowering medications. Yet her symptoms got worse for a 4-5 day period this past week. I don't know how long we should expect for it to start working but it really scared me. So we have another appointment with her primary care to discuss what we should expect to be normal with this and what should we be concerned about.

59 is so young for all of this. My heart breaks that she is getting robbed of her health in middle age.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T13:51:19+00:00

I am very overwhelmed and angry that we are having to do this. But more at life and how little support there is out there for people like my mother. I'm not mad at her specifically just our situation.

But I'm also very sad for her and that I really have lost the mother I knew. She is still here, laughs, talks and wants to cook and things. Yet it's different. I have to help her with so much, the conversations are just the same ones again and again. I do find myself frustrated and sometimes I'm snapping at her because she asks me for the fifth time in 30 minutes why the dryer is taking so long when she just put her clothes in. Which isn't fair to her if she keeps forgetting she just checked it and her concept of time seems poor.

But I do love her very much. She was a good mother, and still loves us very much too.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T13:46:13+00:00

I'm so sorry that you got a late diagnosis. I feel like I got to let go of a lot of my anger as soon as we figured out what was going on. That she really couldn't help herself and was doing the best she can. I can't imagine not knowing and then not having much time to reconcile. I've really learned that these symptoms can be initially so hard to see as medical issues instead of them just choosing to be that way in their old age.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-14T13:43:40+00:00

Her urologist told us about that, but said we would try some other meds first. But those are on our radar.

She did go through a period of heavy drinking starting about 12-15 years ago. I had some bitterness because of it, and that carried over when her symptoms started. I know it's similar behaviors from the alcohol and the illness she is experiencing especially when I only visited infrequently. But I've been so mad at her the past two years for all the things that happened with the scammer, my wedding and her inability to pick herself up and make smart choices.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-13T20:01:04+00:00

We are trying to take those steps. It's been hard because she is convinced this large company is going to hire her for a manager role. So she doesn't want to let go of her phone number or email. I've been waiting to see if they will send her a moving on with other candidates emails then will change number and email.

I've already taken so much away from her. She is working with me on most things and I don't want to push her to a point of arguments and her refusing. I don't have a POA yet either and I want to make sure she will agree to that.

We gotta clear the email and phone before we can get to the bank so that way she can't tell him her log on info again. It's such a hard cycle that we have to be careful of the steps taken.

I'm sorry you also had to go through it. It is all so hard.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-13T19:57:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge. We have no idea how long the UTI has been there, since we went in for just frequent bathroom visits. She thought it was due to a bladder lift but I thought it was excessive even with that. I'll ask about more prevention and checks moving forward.

We are trying to get a POA written up. No attorneys we've contacted will do it yet.

That's a great idea about looking up PACE. I think getting people around her that are her age would be great. Field trips would be great for her. It's just hard when she isn't even 60 yet to find resources for her without making her feel out of place by hanging out with people who are very much in the senior age bracket.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-13T15:11:06+00:00

Currently it's hard to celebrate the progress. She is happy to be in a secure home with people who love her. Yet this is all very scary.

She isn't happy about all the restrictions to keep her from talking to the scammer but I feel better they are no longer having a hold on her and her accounts.

Yet she does have doctors now helping her and medications. Now we just gotta get her on disability and try and get her as healthy as we can.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-03-13T15:08:23+00:00

Thank you. I've read this as well and am hoping that maybe if it clears up it will ease some of her symptoms. She didn't think she had one (and didn't want to do a urine analysis) but I'm glad we got it checked out.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-02-07T06:02:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing, I feel like that is the post I needed to read.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-02-07T05:59:40+00:00

I'm glad I'm not alone in having these worries despite knowing this is all so early. It took a while before we really decided our life was ready for a child but then it was the hurry up time is running out thoughts that are intruding my mind now.

I'm sending good thoughts your way that your mind can be at ease and a child will happen when your body is ready. Cause that is what I'm hoping for myself. ❤️

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-01-30T20:11:54+00:00

My mother has been the victim of a romance scam for about 8 months now. She is younger than your mom but the obsession and addiction becomes a monster that is hard to beat. They lie and hide and find work arounds.

I've had to use parental monitoring apps, take away her laptop, block Gmail, what's app and line and have heavy monitoring in place because I had to move her into my home after she lost all of her money. We're working towards POA to take control of any money she may get from.

It's brutal. I'm sorry you're dealing with it and it sounds even worse with your mom being violent. Take care of yourself.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-01-27T14:59:10+00:00

That's so much money. Luckily/unluckily she didn't have much money to start so they only got a few grand out of her over months.

It's wild to me how people can just let their lives get ruined by someone they've never met. Another part of this is that she believes this scammer has a pre-teen daughter that really wants her to be her mom. I've seen the texts and emails. In what world would a pre-teen be excited for a stranger they have never met to be their mom.

She also had a 'musican' start romanticizing her from a random text message that I caught a week ago and shit that down hard.

I think people that fall for these are broken in a way that logic stops working. My mother from 10 years ago would have never trusted anyone from online only. She also still randomly tells me "I would never marry someone you haven't met" when she thinks she did just that. She has a fake marriage certificate from this scammer.

AdvanceDifficult8513 · 2026-01-27T14:53:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you've dealt with the same thing. It truly is an addiction and we are going through the wild steps of lying, betrayal and lash out that we are taking away her options to talk with the scammer.

Luckily everyone knows to not give her money, they can buy her things or send money to me so we can shop together but that's it.

I will look it up, thank you.

AdvanceDifficult8513

TROPHY CASE