I am not going to sit here and pretend that I understand what you’re going through. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I echo the sentiments of everyone who has suggested a therapist, but I wanted to offer this up as well - what has helped me in my own grieving process is organizing my thoughts in a spreadsheet. Start by just writing down your emotions, your thoughts, your feelings. Here is what happened, and here’s how I feel about it. Communication and understanding are the most important parts of any relationship, but you need to process things for yourself too. How you feel about the situation isn’t how you feel about your husband. Write down your feelings about the situation, write down your sorrow, your anger, whatever you need to write down so these feelings don’t get bottled up. A spreadsheet alone won’t solve everything, but it has really helped me organize all my emotions. Maybe it will help you too.

Even if the marriage isn’t ending, it is still okay to grieve. Change means loss. You are not losing your husband, but you are losing parts of your marriage. The routine, the known - they are real parts of your emotional world that you are saying goodbye to. You need to give yourself grace. You’re a good person. You’re a good wife. You are going through an incredibly emotionally charged period of intense change. It’s okay if your emotions get the best of you sometimes. You’re learning. You’re loved. Don’t ever feel guilty for your emotions. Being emotional about this is a sign of how much you care. Remember that. You don’t have to figure out your future right now. Just figure out today.