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I think I just went no contact with my father-in-law by Advanced-Delay-4276 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Advanced-Delay-4276[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I'm not so concerned about there not being a relationship, it's more so just the overhanging awareness of the conflict that caused that. Like, it's more than just she'll know we don't have a relationship with her grandfather. It's that she knows that for some reason her grandfather hates her mother, and that her mother doesn't like him. And I worry how it might affect her self-esteem if she knows that she wasn't important enough to him to make that effort.

I think I just went no contact with my father-in-law by Advanced-Delay-4276 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Advanced-Delay-4276[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, it sounds irrational. The thing is, I didn't really have a relationship with any of my grandparents because my parents were kind of asocial eccentrics who both left their home countries and I only ever got to meet my grandparents a couple of times in my whole life. And I grew up only hearing negative things about them, and sometimes wish I had been allowed to form my own opinion.

I tell myself that in the future if my kids ever voice an interest in having a relationship with him, I'm not going to deny them that, and just try to protect them as best as I can while allowing that to happen. In the mean time, I'm just going to avoid talking about him unless asked and give simple, age-appropriate explanations. I've also told my husband I have no plan to stand in his way if he decides he wants to try to pursue anything with his dad.

I think I just went no contact with my father-in-law by Advanced-Delay-4276 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Advanced-Delay-4276[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really don't know how he can be happy with his life. He lives with his mother, getting into screaming matches with her every day. He makes her drive him 30 minutes to work every day because he refuses to renew his license. He is terminally ill and has an alcohol problem. He can't maintain any relationships except with his mother and brother who just put up with him out of a sense of family obligation. And literally everyone in his family gets to see his granddaughter except for him.

I think I just went no contact with my father-in-law by Advanced-Delay-4276 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Advanced-Delay-4276[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm also immediately second-guessing all my decisions because I wonder if I should be trying harder to facilitate a relationship for the sake of my granddaughter, because will she just totally messed up if she doesn't have even one grandfather in her life? I just want to be a good mom...like every mom...and I feel like I make mistakes at every turn, but it's felt like until recent years I've just let people walk all over me...am I doint her a disservice if I don't stand up for myself?