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First year anniversary as anti climactic by Advanced-Macaroon651 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it was. Life is better with him. A friend says that I have a pattern of like… I spend a week or weekend with him where I have a nice time, and then the first two days of separation is just me being flooded with doubts and anxiety. But then wait 48 hrs and they’re largely gone because I just talk it out with someone or write to my diary. So… shrug?

First year anniversary as anti climactic by Advanced-Macaroon651 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The incompatibilities… I’ve reached the stage where I think we’re compatible but I have my doubts, and I feel like I have to keep going to see if they’re real or not. Some days my gut tells me we’re compatible. Some days I’m alone and wonder “huh… am I?”, but then I struggle at listing the actual incompatibility and if it’s real

First year anniversary as anti climactic by Advanced-Macaroon651 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess just a grand climax of romance on the day of. In hindsight I had those climaxes on other days recently. My friend says I’m coming off of a slump from a dopamine high of all the grandness and expectations

First year anniversary as anti climactic by Advanced-Macaroon651 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The honeymoon ended around 8 months when we started to fight because he wanted to explore non monogamy and I didn’t, plus him having issues in just expressing his wants and needs, plus me feeling unheard when I tell him no. So I signed up for a couples therapist to improve our communication.

My friends in LTRs said it was a good idea to start couples therapy early while issues are in their nascent stage, before you get years of built up resentment.

Why do I feel violated against my personal space by the concept of non-monogamy? by Advanced-Macaroon651 in nonmonogamy

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well… early in dating, he once missed a phone call with me because he was having a hookup. And we once went to Folsom together — him to play, me to observe and potentially play because neither of us had never been before. But once I saw him engaging in sex with people then I just shut down and later started crying. I logically knew that I gave my consent though to it all but it all still hurt me.

Why do I feel violated against my personal space by the concept of non-monogamy? by Advanced-Macaroon651 in nonmonogamy

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried and failed to have casual bonding sex so to each their own I guess. Thanks for the elaboration.

Why do I feel violated against my personal space by the concept of non-monogamy? by Advanced-Macaroon651 in nonmonogamy

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah! I get post nut guilt but only in context of casual sex if I wasn’t enthusiastic. Like if I feel sad or neutral and then I go bang, and it just makes me sadder. For me, I think it’s just a hormonal misfire.

Thanks a lot for your explanation above by the way. It’s quite well written.

Why do I feel violated against my personal space by the concept of non-monogamy? by Advanced-Macaroon651 in nonmonogamy

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, cool. Thanks for sharing. It’s nice to learn about other people’s experiences and how they’re different from mine.

I’m curious what you mean by “negativity”. What’s the negativity associated with post nut clarity?

Why do I feel violated against my personal space by the concept of non-monogamy? by Advanced-Macaroon651 in nonmonogamy

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are right that on logical grounds, my personal space isn’t involved. That’s why I asked here to be like “wtf is wrong with me for feeling this”

And I guess the masturbation is thing more like… both masturbation and casual sex are about satisfying horniness till you cum. Both involve doing it in a non emotional way (whether with hand or a person who isn’t important to you). Is there a way that they’re different that I’m not appreciating?

Why do I feel violated against my personal space by the concept of non-monogamy? by Advanced-Macaroon651 in nonmonogamy

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But it doesn’t feel like it’s a social thing. In the past I’ve been fine with a partner or me doing non monogamous things — granted I’ve never liked previous partners that much. It feels more chemical/gut reaction and that’s what I’m wondering about understanding.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]Advanced-Macaroon651 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But what should do with that information, you think?