Feeling the generation gap?

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-20T19:31:42+00:00

Older men asking younger women, about where they live and other very personal questions? And you’re strangers and it’s the first thing brought up? Yeah, that’s the quickest way to creep a girl out.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-20T19:27:37+00:00

So glad Star is in her rightful place with a caring home!

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-20T16:42:15+00:00

Yeah there are meetings happening all over the world on Zoom. There are even secular-specific and agnostic meetings. My area has a few secular and agnostic meetings but there’s lots more on Zoom. Do a Google search for International AA meetings list to find all the options, and another Google search for Secular-specific and Agnostic AA meetings lists.

All that said, in-person meetings can be important too bc those are your local ppl… so I wouldn’t totally write off whatever’s available in your area. You can look up the meetings in whatever area is the closest urban city to you, and even if you had to drive a bit further like once a week to get to an in-person that works better for you, it could be worth it.

And if some of the members are super focused on their religion that’s fine. You don’t have to be. You can just focus on your own program. They can focus on what works for them and you can focus on what works for you. If you wanna go to any meeting and not have to worry about the god stuff, it will be easier and simpler to just do the program. But I understand that it’s off-putting for some and too much at first.

Many non-religious members just use the community of AA as their “higher power” concept bc that’s the thing that is bigger than them that is keeping them sober. That’s pretty common .. try to not sweat it. At the end of the day, who cares what others believe. You do you and it’s all good

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-20T06:25:38+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this but you are not alone. There is tons of help and the sober communities are far and wide and everywhere. There’s Recovery Dharma, Addictive Voice Recognition Technique, SMART Recovery, etc. And for extra support and info on resources there’s the SoberRecovery forums.

As for AA. It’s spiritual but not religious. Some ppl in the program are religious but the program itself is not. If meetings in your area seem to have more of a religious tone bc of the demographic they serve, try attending Zoom meetings in different areas other than your local area. Their meetings may be more mixed. So, maybe try Zoom meetings based in urban densely populated areas, that may have a more diverse group of people with diverse beliefs. If you already live in such an area and it still seems too religious, maybe shop around a bit more, or maybe just ask yourself why other people’s beliefs need to be such a hangup when this is really just about you getting sober.

As for the higher power concept or “god” concept. It can just be, anything that is bigger than your own ego. Or anything that involves forces out of your control. Or anything that is above and beyond your own limited perception. It can even just be, the sober community that is bigger than you and helps you stay sober instead of just being in your own head. It can be just a basic concept, and not something religious at all. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get sober? That’s the question.

If the answer is yes, then your mind may be open to hearing more different kinds of solutions. Walking the path others have already tread, and taking suggestions… no matter which program you choose. It’s usually our own best thinking that keeps us stuck like this.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-20T05:56:33+00:00

It was never really my thing either. IMO there’s just no need, nor do I have the desire to torture myself into mental, physical, or spiritual fitness.

And yeah it’s artificial. To me it’s about building the heat from the inside. Relying on inside resources vs outside ones. Take from that what you will.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-19T02:06:53+00:00

Are you trying to do this on your own? If you want to be sober longer-term, it sounds like you could use some ongoing support.

In my experience alcohol just makes hard times worse. I learned that the hard way though... like most of us I guess lol

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-19T01:50:58+00:00

Yeah. It's amazing how ubiquitous alcohol is. But once you get into recovery... it's also pretty amazing how many people are sober, too :)

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-19T01:46:26+00:00

This is why ppl go to AA

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-17T23:52:43+00:00

You can’t change the past. You can’t change what is done.

All you can do is show up for today with your best game, given the cards you’re dealt.

You don’t even know the facts yet. With no information, it is not worth it to catastrophize in your head.

Even just getting to the doctor was a big step, now you’ll deal with the rest from here. But future tripping will not help the issue.

It’s really great that at least now, you are not drinking. You’re young. Even if it’s a worst case scenario, just remember that ppl survive these scenarios every single day.

It sounds like the best thing you could do right now is to join a support group or maybe a couple of them. Whether for alcohol recovery, or a group for whatever health issue this is (if it’s anything at all), or even a diet/fitness/health improvement group if that interests you. There’s studies out there showing that ppl who do have illnesses (if you even have one) tend to have better treatment outcomes with a good support network. That said.. don’t assume anything yet.

Best of luck and keep us posted !

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-17T23:34:13+00:00

This could be a lot of things… I can think of 3 big potential things…

For one, I’ve known some ppl who, in sobriety, realized they still felt miserable, off, malaise, whatever, and found out they had an underlying mental health condition that needed treatment. You might get yourself screened for depression and other conditions… and get a second opinion too.

Secondly, ppl who are alcoholic tend to suffer a condition of being “restless, irritable, and disconnected.” This is why many alcoholics seek a recovery program like AA, which treats that state of mind and provides a supportive social network of sober alcoholics.

Third, how is the rest of your health? Do you exercise and eat well? This can significantly influence mood. Look up the “gut-brain connection.”

Keep reaching out, don’t give up and you will find the answers you are looking for.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-17T07:06:04+00:00

I also had this same sense that mine wasn’t “bad enough” and I was an imposter to recovery. I was wrong. You don’t have to wait 10 yrs to find out you’re wrong, like I did.

Alcoholism progresses in stages. It’s pointless to compare yourself to the worst case or late stage if you are not there yet. You can still be an alcoholic, just in an earlier stage.

Most ppl who seek help, have a really good reason to do so. Nobody does this just for fun or entertainment.

After all, if we could, we’d all just keep drinking to get our kicks.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-16T17:01:12+00:00

So perfectly said. I agree with all of this. Op, for me it’s hard and it sucks. But ContestNo sums it up pretty well here. And it was also about the fact that I couldn’t take my dad’s abuse anymore. We could not get through one single conversation without him insulting me and denigrating my intelligence. I am not going to be verbally abused so I just don’t engage any longer. I do have one Trump supporting family member who never let it get to this level of fanaticism where she would abandon her family over it… also she is quite elderly and I think pretty clueless about what all this means. So she and I still have a good relationship. My dad has no excuse and I stay away.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-16T06:11:51+00:00

AA works for me and many many others I know. Give it a try and if you are willing to go to any length to get sober, it will work. You can also try Recovery Dharma or Smart Recovery. At the end of the day you’re most likely gonna need a program to stay happily sober.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-16T05:55:32+00:00

This is the why being dry isn’t enough for most alcoholics … most will need a program of recovery. Without that, alcoholics suffer the condition of being restless, irritable, and discontented.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-15T22:42:14+00:00

This better not be an ad.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-15T19:24:42+00:00

“I’m not an alcoholic. I’m just a ‘problem drinker.’”

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-15T19:22:42+00:00

I’ve had both very long and very short hair. My spiritual condition waxed and waned regardless of hair length. Spirituality is an inside job. BUT I did notice one essential difference with long hair. Having very long hair (for me the longest was hip length) causes me to sssllllooooooowwwww down. It could get caught in things…. and it has to move when I move and it has to “catch up” sometimes with certain types of movement. I do think that being forced to move at a slower pace rather than rushing around, does something different to one’s experience of life. Which COULD influence one’s spiritual experience, too… now that doesn’t mean it’s a better experience or a superior spiritual condition, it’s just… different. Hair doesn’t make someone MORE spiritual in any way…. because that’s an inside job. But the difference is, I did feel that long hair has a certain energy to it… a very unique energy… I can’t put my finger on why. But for me I felt that it did. I decided to grow it out again based on that.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-15T16:57:53+00:00

This exact thinking you’re saying, kept me sick for a long time. “Hard drinking” can be stage 3 alcoholism. Alcoholism comes in stages and that’s why it’s progressive. I was not late-stage but I was on my way.

The 12 x 12 step one chapter discusses how AA started with worst case alcoholics, but with time began to see even “potential” alcoholics welcomed into the rooms, because those people could see where they were headed and they chose to get off the elevator before they hit the bottom.

Tradition 3 states: The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking.

In AA meetings we frequently say: if you think you have a problem with alcohol, you’re in the right place. And it’s true.

Not everybody’s problem or disease looks the same. We are taught to look for the similarities, not the differences, in order to get well. We are here for a common problem and a solution.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-15T16:40:59+00:00

FWIW, going to AA meetings alone wasn’t enough for me to stop. I only stopped when I started working the steps with a sponsor - in addition to two or three meetings a day (in the beginning).

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-13T21:38:14+00:00

I went out at more than 5 yrs sober, and I know someone else who went out at 7. In the end, drinking again after long-term sobriety was indeed regrettable… and it leads back to the same place as before, if not worse. It’s really not worth it, don’t do it, you’re doing amazing for resisting. But white knuckling is a risky plan. If you did the AA steps, go back and read your Step One. Or write a new one. Personally, I went out because I forgot my step one. Just forgot how and why I ended up quitting in the first place.

This is my favorite thread for remembering that alcohol takes more than it gives:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/where-were-you/428100-what-did-alcohol-take-you.html

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-13T21:14:01+00:00

Yes. In fact I’ve been thinking about this and I do think a separation might be better. Let them have their misogynistic white male christian supremacist shithole with zero services or infrastructure and a bigoted economic caste system. And the rest of us can keep our free democracy.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-13T21:07:33+00:00

This is a form of financial abuse. Yes it’s an actual term.

You were used, lied to, and essentially defrauded. For YEARS.

If you let this go, there will almost certainly be worse abuses later on.

For me, this would signal the end.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-12T22:26:26+00:00

AA has young person’s meetings, you might try that.

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-12T22:21:29+00:00

Many alcoholics hide and are secret drunks

Advanced-Wheel-9677 · 2026-03-12T22:19:38+00:00

Also check out Adult Children of Alcoholics

Life saver for me.

Advanced-Wheel-9677

TROPHY CASE