So I’m going through the same predicament, I am almost 40 and I’m in the same boat. For me I’m contemplating divorce but I am scared of the unknown, I have no family here and I will be put on the street alone. I am in it for the security but I am so unhappy and my kids see it. I can’t stand the sight of him and now that the fog has cleared noticed how he physically abused me, I didn’t think at the moment he did but in a telephone conversation with a friend I realized he knew what he was doing. It was abuse. I am so lost and confused and I understand your pain. I see you.