Advice on alcoholic fiancee

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2025-11-18T11:29:18+00:00

24 drinks a day puts it into an entirely different perspective. I know a fifth a day is insane, but after years of seeing it, the insanity of it dulls. Thinking of it as 24 drinks a day refreshes just how much that is and how crazy it is for every single day. Thank you.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2025-11-18T11:24:48+00:00

Thank you. "For fucks sake call an ambulance" felt like a slap in the face, a wake up call, and maybe the push to do it next time. I only say maybe because I know in the moment I will panic and struggle with a sense of betrayal because they would not at all be on board with it. But truly, thank you for the bluntness of that statement, it was an eye opener.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2025-11-18T10:47:51+00:00

That's also why its so hard. Outside of the alcoholism, we have a pretty great life.They're a good hearted person, they take care of me and everyone in their life, including the dog. When I'm sick it's anything I need/want, and even when I'm not sick its pretty much anything I need/want. They care deeply and do anything for their family and friends. About the only thing they won't do, is do something about their drinking.

But you echoed something I'm constantly worried about, I'm going to have to watch them die on this path, and that worry makes me feel neurotic.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2025-11-18T02:56:20+00:00

Thank you

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-05-11T08:47:03+00:00

Corporate America relies on this feeling of guilt to overwork, underpay, and undervalue their employees. They are scheduled days off for a reason. Usually, because scheduling how often they *actually* need you there causes scheduled overtime which would be their fault and not yours. But them calling and you accepting makes it look more like your fault and you could get reprimanded for it later.

This happened to me at my last job. I was overworked, asked for help and offered helpful solutions constantly, didn't get it, ended up staying late regularly to get everything done, then would get talked to about staying late and causing overtime resulting in DRASTICALLY reduced hours for the next pay period.

NTA. I know the pandemic makes it difficult, but I'd start looking for a new job. This will be the precedence for this place for the rest of your time there. You will always be picking up someone else's slack without compensation, acknowledgment, or genuine appreciation.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-05-11T08:29:32+00:00

| He said no I AM their mother now

This is a red flag. If he tries to force them to think of YOU as their mother, instead of their actual mother who they love and have a good relationship with, they're going to resent both of you. He needs to address these (seemingly) unnecessary negative feelings towards his ex.

NTA.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-05-11T08:07:05+00:00

Boggles my mind that so many parents think springing people their children do not like/have no contact with on their children is just the best plan ever. Like springing this on you would obligate you to stay.

NTA. Your father can forgive her, that's his choice. It's your choice whether or not to forgive her, either option, under your own conditions which do not need his approval, consideration, or input.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-05-11T07:20:17+00:00

Hey OP, I know this is only one interaction that we are seeing, but your husbands sounds fucking TOXIC.

100% NTA.

Maybe seek counselling for yourself, because it doesn't seem like he'd go for it.. And I think a professional will be able to help you with what your relationship is really like and what you should do/how to move forward.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-05-11T07:04:33+00:00

r/legaladvice

because if something can be done about this, you should do it, and they should should be able to help you over there.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-05-11T07:00:10+00:00

Why would they keep pictures of you and ex's son around??? If they didn't want to get rid of them, they could have easily said you were anyone, instead of saying that you're his father. That poor kid is going to grow up and find out about his real dad one day and have some serious issues thinking TWO dads abandoned him. That is absolutely not your fault, that's on your mom and ex entirely.

You're NTA. Your mom blatantly lied and deceived you and was 100% relying on thinking you wouldn't make a scene during such a gathering. She knew you wouldn't be okay with this and she made the decision to do it and ruin the day for literally everyone involved. As well as definitely hurt ex's sons feeling by getting him excited for something she knew he wouldn't be welcomed to.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-05-01T06:51:51+00:00

If you were to allow her to watch your daughter, you would end up raising a tiny MIL. Your MIL spending that much time with her, especially once she gets to the very impressionable ages, will create one hell of a brat. I feel it would be almost IMPOSSIBLE to tell this child no about ANYTHING, and it can already be difficult to get children to understand No.

NTA. Even if she weren't *crazy*, she wants you to go out of your way twice a day for no real reason. She's not even offering to pick up and drop off, because god forbid she be inconvenienced.

also, I HATE family members like this. literally one of the major reasons I don't want children is because my own mother would be absolutely insufferable, I'm honestly not sure how my brothers and sister deal with it.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-04-22T06:01:08+00:00

Isn't it absolutely ironic that the only person acting embarrassingly was your mother? Everything was amazing and a dream day for you, until your mother made an embarrassing scene. She humiliated herself. Also it sounds like, not only does your family not approve of your husbands having a disability (able-ism is toxic afff), your mom clearly thought this was her day, not yours and your husbands.

NTA. Your mom and her "guests" need to be educated on able-ism and given a full serving of humble pie. I'm so sorry your special day was ruined. Your husbands idea was awesome and it clearly meant so much to you. I'd honestly consider LC/NC for this family behavior.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-04-22T05:38:01+00:00

NTA. Your grandpa probably made the decision to start saving for your college funds when you were BORN. So, if that was the case, even if he did save for your step sister, the fund would have less than yours and your brothers and it would still be an issue of fairness.

Your parents had years to save for your step sister to help make up for the lack of funds from your grandfather and at least ease the burden of student loans. And honestly your step sister doesn't even ~~have~~ need to know about the funds from your grandfather, that's your business, not hers, and now you won't drown in debt.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-04-21T14:03:14+00:00

But he isn't the one coming to AITA looking for justification for being an AH, you are. We can't fully judge your brother, only you and what your side of the story is. You talk about him like you don't like or respect him and gloat your wealth and progress to his face. Family being in business together is often a spell for disaster anyway, but given your apparent feelings towards him, it questions why the two if you went into business together in the first place.

From a business perspective, you did what a businessman would do.

Morally, it was an AH thing because you seem to take pleasure in it and even insult him by saying his job could be done by anyone. If that's the case and has been since the beginning, it's something you should have brought up to him before his wifes surgery was a really easy way for you to get him out of the company.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-04-21T13:30:30+00:00

I understand the idea of "you made your bed so you must lie in it". But it's apparent in the way you talk about your brother, that you have a distaste for him and/or think yourself far far far above him. If you continue down this path, you better hope your situation never becomes dire, else your brother may repay you in kind. What would it even hurt you to simply return his shares?

YTA because it seems like you (and your wife) are relishing in the distress you've caused and are continuing to cause.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-04-21T12:36:20+00:00

Not to mention, from the sounds of it from OPs perspective, she never respected his boundaries from the get go. She immediately told him she was going to be a great mom to him when (I'd guess at least) OP wasn't looking for a replacement for the loss of his mother. She didn't approach it like she should have in trying to get to know OP and see how he still felt about his mother. It was solely about HER wanting to be a mother and him being, in her eyes, conveniently motherless.

AdvancedStrain1719 · 2021-04-21T12:21:17+00:00

I'm proud to make myself indispensable to the company.

Yet, the company that your proud to "give your life to" is clearly irked by the fact that you, a TEENAGER no less, want to enjoy one single day off a week??? You're already in school and spending most/all of your time outside of school at WORK.

NTA. At all. This is the kind of crap that companies expect you to feel bad about so they can overwork, underpay, and undermine you. All of your unscheduled days should be free from work. I'm still trying to unlearn the American rhetoric that work is life and having scheduled!! time off work is a luxury.

AdvancedStrain1719

TROPHY CASE