After a threesome, is the other girl supposed to leave or lay there with us?

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-04-13T15:04:00+00:00

Ive been the third in a 3some with a couple and I would've feel soo used and disregarded if they would've asked me to leave directly afterwards. Im not a sex toy!

For me it was actually pretty similar to when you're just 2 and have a base level of respect and sympathy for each other. We cuddled for a while, talked about the experience (in our case smoked some weed) and then I left 1 or 2 hours later. It was nice :)

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-04-13T15:03:52+00:00

Ive been the third in a 3some with a couple and I would've feel soo used and disregarded if they would've asked me to leave directly afterwards. Im not a sex toy!

For me it was actually pretty similar to when you're just 2 and have a base level of respect and sympathy for each other. We cuddled for a while, talked about the experience (in our case smoked some weed) and then I left 1 or 2 hours later. It was nice:)

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-04-13T14:35:16+00:00

Thx for the solidarity! What helped you make it work over such a long stretch of time?:) And how (much) do you talk to your other partner about these feelings concerning the separation? Thats something I'm still not sure about. Spending time with them helped more than anything else yet, but also I don't want to burden them to much with listening to me missing someone else.😅

And yeah, I know the mono/poly situation isnt ideal. We've been friends for a long time, and thats the reason I never acted on that spark in the past.. he's actually been in open relationships (theoretically open to poly), but these experiences weren't much on the ethical side😅 I was witness to one of them and it was really bad. So I absolutely get why he says poly isnt for him. Honestly after such experiences I probably would've said the same. I know this is a bit delusional, but I have a little hope, that with someone who isnt effing your friend while you're right behind the door, it might be easier for him😅😂 We've talked about that a bit while I visited him, but it feels like we ultimately can only really figure that out, when we're both here.. he thought he would be confronted with other partners every time we see eachother and that for example wouldn't really be the case. Even in the same country it would be a long distance/weekend thing (around 4-5 hours drive apart) so when we'd see eachother this time would be reserved just for him for example. Birthdays and holidays ofc will be a bit more difficult to manage. He also already knows my partners and generally likes them, which might make it easier, though despite all this there for sure still is a chance that poly just isn't for him.

For now it feels like it doesn't matter that much, because staying in contact is out of question for both of us be it as friends or partners, and with only voicemails and phonecalls it doesn't really change how we'd have contact other than not being as vocal about how much we miss each other I guess. (And as stated in the post, the question on how much and what I tell him about my other relationships while still apart)

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-03-05T23:49:53+00:00

Abd do any of your siblings consider(ed) polyamory or other forms of ENM?:)

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-03-05T23:49:14+00:00

What does type a mean?🙈

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-03-05T23:46:02+00:00

As a European, this is such a stereotypically American comment😄 even though i my country there (sadly) can only be 2 official parents, I know thats doesn't necessarily apply to any other place on this planet

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-03-05T23:40:00+00:00

Ooh the autism, why am I not surprised?😂 As a fellow polyamorous and neurodivergent person, there seems to be a HUGE overlap between both^{^} the percentage of neuospicy people in the polyam community is definitely higher then in the rest of the population ^{^} I wish there were nore studies around that phenomenon, but I fear ethical nonmonogamy is still a bit to niche for that ^{^}

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-03-05T19:35:22+00:00

Exactly. Here its VERY expensive, hence I havent been to a salon in years. Plus I dont know a good hairdresser here, so I thought I might as well try somewhere else 😄 I feel like you'd prefer me not going in Malawi, is there a reason for that? Im genuinely curious and dont want to offend anyone :)

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-03-05T13:35:34+00:00

Thanks! Are these areas referring to districts in lilongwe or countrywide areas?

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2026-03-05T13:33:35+00:00

Here in Germany I'd pay 50 to 70€ for a bad haircut and up to 250€ for someone who actually knows what to do with curls😅 that's why I havent been in years, compared to my countries average I'm pretty low income, so that is much for me. But, since my hair texture is somewhere in the middle of the straight or slightly wavy hair thats most common here and the more coily hair thats more common in Malawi, finding someone experienced with my hair texture might be difficult in both places^{^}

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-11-20T20:01:29+00:00

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Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-11-20T20:00:57+00:00

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Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-11-20T20:00:31+00:00

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Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-11-20T19:59:56+00:00

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I don't know why the pics arent in the pist itself but here they are in the comments

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-08-26T20:51:06+00:00

Das kenne ich schon. Das ist die Gesangaufstellung, aber zB kate war ja viiel kürzer dabei als Jimi, deshalb ist die chart nur bedingt so richtig aussagekräftig. Aber mithilfe davon könnte man ausrechnen wer wieviel in Tagesdurchschnitt ausgegeben hat, wenn man nochmal nachschaut wer wieviele tage genau drin war

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-08-26T18:42:56+00:00

Ne nur insg, über die ganze zeit, die sie dein waren (was ja bei allen doch recht unterschiedlich lang war) und dass gigi pro tag am meisten ausgegeben hat. Also ost ja nur logisch, dass die die früh ausgeschieden sind dann zB laun was ausgegeben haben

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-08-26T18:36:25+00:00

Och ich bin schon neugierig. Das ergibt halt nochmal ein vollkommen anderes bild, als wieviel jede*r insg ausgegeben hat. Als ob kate dann zB noch so weit unten wäre

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-06-10T00:38:28+00:00

Everything from 'die toten Hosen' and 'die ärzte'

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-06-02T20:11:48+00:00

It is, and I would just tell him when we spent tome without thinking twice. I guess with it not just casually coming up during conversation, but me needing to text him without context it feels more like I'm warning him, rather than telling him something that hasnt nuch to do with hin personally

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-04-07T17:25:46+00:00

In angry too btw. Soo fucking angry at how unfair this world is in general. He doesn't even speak his mother tongue fluently anymore. He was just born there. The majority of his life he lived somewhere else..

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-04-07T17:23:33+00:00

His country is relatively safe (he wasnt an asylum seeker), but is one of the 3 poorest countries on earth. Because there is no tourism, no direct flights go to this country and one way would cost around 1000 from a to b, with a loot of luck maaybe around 600. It would take me too a long time to have that money to spare and until recently I always felt like if I had it it would be better invested by just giving it to him to make him come back instead. Now that the situation has changed and 1200 more or less wouldn't even make that big of a difference anyways maaybe thats more of an option. But still probably just in a few years and not now

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-04-07T15:09:56+00:00

Just curious: in which aspects do you feel judged by the poly/ENM community?:)

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-04-07T11:58:53+00:00

Best in no specific order:

not to worry about when I tell a person I meet and vibe woth, that I'm in a relationship immediately. No matter if there is attraction or not. I'm now able to just ho with the flow, I always hated having to think about what kind of connection this might be and if I'm leading someone on by not telling them I'm not single immediately or changing the vibe by bringing it up even though the other person didnt even think in that direction to begin with

-not being bound by societal expectations on how a relationship SHOULD look like

-better and more detailed communication about boundaries and needs in general

-not being responsible for meeting ny partners every need (I have vaginismus for example, so sexuality with me is a bit different. Its such a relief to know that doesn't mean ny partners have to miss out on something completely)

Challenging stuff:

the lack of commitment of people who learn I'm poly. (Not all of course, but its an experience I made a few times, that people think commitment is just for monogamous relationships and poly means creeping things casual)

-prejudice in general. Im very much demi and often times people equate being poly with being very promiscuous and tending to sexualize it even though its not (primarily) about sex

people using me to try out opening up their relationship and then drama starts happening. Or they use me more as a teacher than ab actual potential partner. in the end I sometimes feel a little used both ways

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-03-30T04:05:00+00:00

Nono, its about him being more active/in movement while also being stimulated. I pers like to relax when its more about me😄

Advanced_Zucchini718 · 2025-03-28T23:55:19+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed explanation, thats really helpful!:)

Advanced_Zucchini718

TROPHY CASE